A
female
age
36-40,
*arymomnwife
writes:my children are not old enough yet but one day they will be and this subject really makes me nervous. teen pregnancy. iv read a few just in the past few weeks on this site and that was enough for me to want to go get a couple of chastity belts and build a 500 ft wall around my house. but who am i kidding thats not gonna work. i dont know how many of you parents support sex ed but i think there should be a new video added and that should be a woman giving birth and of a woman having a c-section. showing that to both girls and guys. maybe that will make both stop and think before they hop into bed together. this is just my opinion. id love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Hi,
I'm 20 years old but lost my virginity at 15.
At the time I felt this was perfect, we had been together for 8 months, was on valentines day, and we were both virgins.
However looking back I was too young, we barely ever repeated the experience and I was much to young to appreciate sex.
My mum did provide me with sex education, she always expressed how it should be in a loving relationship, use protection, not have sex below the age on consent etc.
However, I never felt I could talk properly with my mum about how i was feeling. I always felt i would get a negative reaction, and even when telling her (AT 18!) I had had sex (for what she thought was the first time) she lectured me about it. I feel if you allow your child to talk to you about how they are feeling with the negativity (aside from the obvious) then they are more likely to be open with you, and you can at least know what is happening! Also I didnt have anyone to talk about contraceptive methods with.
I also agree with 'Aunty BimBim' that sex is too much in your face these days. I had one boyfriend who watched porn far too much which i feel affected what he wanted, also a lot of girls in my school had sex and no-one was embarrassed about it,where as i never wanted to talk about it.
So i feel allow you're child to talk to you and inform them on the best thing you feel they should do.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Thanks followtheblack rabbit for reminding us about teaching about "stranger danger".The problem though is most sexual abuse occurs at home or is done by a close friend or relative. No age is too young to teach children how to be safe. They must be taught that no one should touch their private parts or hold them or touch them in ways they feel uncomfortable with or make them feel scared. You cannot always be around to keep your children safe, so it's your duty to tell them what to watch for, when to shout for help and when to run away. Any adult (no matter how trusted or loved) can be dangerous. Children know this, and if you teach them that they have the right to fight back, run away and tell, they will not allow anyone to hurt them when you are away.Information and knowledge are power.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I'm not a mom, but when I heard my five year old godchild use the word sexy-I had a similar reaction. My mom preached abstinence but at the same time, taught me how to use my mind and make healthy decisions. The best thing to do is educate your kids before moronic peers do. I remember as a freshman, a senior was my "bf" a month and then, asked for sex, telling me he loved me and no one gets pregnant the first time. I laughed in his face and dumped him then and there-I knew my facts and wasn't going to get fooled! Inform them. Most kids get into traps because facts are hidden from them. But also, give them all the love and support and time you can-what you find at home, you don't seek outside. You can give them apropriate books, dvds etc and be the teacher when you feel it's time...these days, it's hard to keep children innocent from sex. It's sad...I almost cried when I had to teach my godchild about stranger danger and what's apropriate touching and not. Scary world...but the best weapons are knowledge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I am from an Asian heritage and sex was never discussed while I grew up. I had to learn from others about it and all I got from my family was "Wait until you are done university then you can have a boyfriend". Clearly, I did not listen to that and had a boyfriend in university and almost made the mistake of losing my virginity to him.
The point I am saying is that when they are at the age they start asking questions, don't scare them or say they won't understand.
Rephrasing things a bit differently will be needed, but being there for them is a big support.
The school can only do so much to teach your children about sex and the issues around it.
If you can let them feel comfortable around you to ask for advice or to understand, that will make you closer to them.
Kids need to know the consequences of sex and that you are there for them no matter decision they make.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I think the best way to go about it is not to scare them away from it. But give them a good up-bringing, where they get to use their own smarts and think for themselves, and learn the difference between good and wrong. Once they are teenagers you won't be able to control everything they do. They will go to friends houses, or hangout elsewhere where you are not around. Then you can only trust on their own smarts. So a proper education is really your best defence, in my opinion.
Of course, I have no children myself, but Im speaking on my own experience as a teenager and my experience with teenagers.
A proper sex education is preventive. Condoms and birth-control help too, but only after your children have become sexually active. Because then you might feel upset they are sexually active, but at least you can make sure they don't become pregnant/get someone pregnant.
What age did you loose your virginity? And at what age would you feel is more "ok" for your children to loose theirs? Remember also that there are laws on when teens are concidered old enough, and many teens are aware of this "line" that separates an action from being illegal to legal.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 October 2010):
You got to take control from the beginning. You have to set boundaries and guidelines, and provide loving, caring, discipline. Not all teenagers have sex young, and only a small percentage of them are stupid enough to get pregnant. Provide them with good sex education at home from when they are young. Stress that love dosen't necessarily include sex. Tell them that sex is something you do when you are ready, prepared and old enough. Allow them alternatives like masterbation, when they are old enough. Do not keep sex a secret, but answer any and all their questions with honesty. Tell them about wet dreams, tell them about how sexual desire can cloud your mind and make you make bad judgements. Give them enough information to know how to treat their body with respect. Let them know that sex is fine, but sex in a loving relationship, (ideally in a marriage) is the best thing in the world. Let them know that they don't have to follow the crowd and throw away their virginity for no reason or just to be liked at school.
My mum started my sex education at 3 years old. Much too young, because I wasn't very interested. I could have a boyfriend at any age, but I decided on 14, because that's when I felt ready. I was allowed privacy and allowed to be with my boyfriend alone. That's because I was trusted and had been given all the advice I needed to be sensible.
The consequence for my mother being totally open and truthfully with me about sex, and trusting me to be honourable and do the right thing, is that I had sex at 18 with a guy who I spent the next 18years with. I informed my mother when I was ready for sex, I put myself on the pill and told her when I had done so.
At 14, my mother wanted to put me on the pill. She was scared about teenage pregnancy and wanted to make sure I was safe. I refused, I wasn't sexually active and had no wish to have sex at that age.
Don't be scared of your children. Give them information, help them to learn how to respect themselves, help them to be confident in the decisions they make. Make your relationship with your children based on open discussion rather than secrecy and hiding stuff and they should do ok.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I support having lots of books around, I support families being able to talk to each other, I support sex education in a friendly non threatening environment, perhaps it could be delivered by the school nurse?
I support condoms dispensers being available in high schools, road houses, and other places kids are likely to visit ...
kids, need to know the dangers of becoming sexually active too early, they need to know the consquences of unprotected sex include some nasty diseases, not just pregnancy.
But will any of that get the message across, sex is plastered on any flat surface, magazines, bill boards, tv, computers, kids clothes are sold as being 'sexy' little girl's idols gyrate in front of them every saturday morning singing sexually suggestive songs ... until we clean up our act we cant expect much better from them.
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