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age
18-21,
anonymous
writes: I'm 18, in love, and f***ed up to be honest.I'm not very good at controlling my emotions or sorting out my life and I really need to.I like this guy but we're not even going to go there anymore because he's screwing with my head but i think i love him, and im trying really hard to get over it and its messing me up.When I say Im not very good at controlling my emotions, this is where I need help- I cant handle the feelings I have for this guy and my life and I go through stages- I get really upset, then I decide I dont care, then I get angry and hurt myself, like purposely slash my arm and stuff, or try to suffocate myself, then i get really drunk with my mates and do drugs just to forget about stuff. I know its weird but Its the way I handle stuff and I dont know what to do.How do I move on from him and start controlling my emotions? please dont say get professional help cos it aint gonna happen.please help me, I feel just so confused at the moment.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (27 December 2007):
 http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm
Whew! Okay. Take a deep breath. First and foremost, if you are *coping* with the very real and very normal emotions of your hormonal age by cutting, drugging, drinking, etc ... you are going to have to understand that is a problem all by itself.
The uncomfortable feelings that you are trying to hide from are partly from your hormones, and partly from your thought processes. We'd need a whole lot more room than this forum to go over that. There is a TON of information on the internet ... go there ... be proactive and take your life into your own hands.
Now, let go of that guy. I am not saying there is anything wrong with him but you are a danger to yourself when you interact with him, so for your own sake, stay away!
Also, for some absurd reason, in this day and age, there are people even older than me that still think that some kind of magical love with a heaven sent person is going to make life all lovely.
It ain't gonna happen, toots!
The best case scenario is that we all continue to improve ourselves ... use our strengths to help one another and maybe even earn a living ... we work on our weaknesses ... and we meet lots of people along the way. Out of the hundreds of people that we meet, a handful (if we're REALLY FORTUNATE) will become lifelong friends. One of them will be the soulmate that we're all dreaming of. This is not to say there won't be bumps in the road ... but certainly there will be no abusive head games.
Now. You, cookie, are in NO shape for *that kind of relationship* with anyone else at the moment ... you need to learn about yourself and when you are ready, you will have some friendships that will enrich your life ... and, eventually, one of them will blossom into something far more special.
Stay away from Sir Head Screw and just hang with lovely people that will treat you with kindness and respect.
And you're just a babe ... don't be in such a hurry for some kind of life long partnership. Argh! Have some fun, for crying out loud!
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, dc.ryan  + ♥, writes (27 December 2007):
 Hello,
You're 18, you've got a heck of a life awaiting you (and a good one at that) - this one guy, obviously is taking advantage of your emotional states and not helping you at all.
Unfortunately we all go through the same process when we loose a partner who was close to us. What you need to do is get distracted from these emotions, take up something new - I can imagine due to these states you spend a lot of time alone, which isn't helping you recover from your loss.
When ever you feel like you're going to be down, go out - do something - go shopping and treat your self to something new (jacket, tops etc) and go out with friends! This is important, you need to socialise with your friends (without the drugs as they have future-lasting influences on your life). Go out to clubs and pubs, experience the night life with friends - or even just have a girlie night in - you just need to distract your mind from such emotions, as they are doing you no good.
At no point should anyone suggest professional help, and it wasn't my intention but there are loads of Internet based communities where people share similar or even exact problems as you do when you discuss your problems with people you can relate with - although this does contradict what I have already said about avoiding the emotions, perhaps it would be beneficial to talk in more detail with people have experienced it them selves.
You have a potentially wonderful life ahead of you, and you don't want to spoil it by revolving your emotions around this one guy who probably didn't treat you very well anyway! There are plenty of lovely guys out there, who would treat you like a princess - and its a matter of finding them, so go out and socialise and get distracted from lifes stresses and just take your mind off this guy.
Ryan
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