A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to start, please bear with me. I've had a rocky road with my boyfriend over the last few years. He left a relationship to be with me and we were living together, a problem became apparent in our relationship regarding my sister and her husband whom i am in partnership with, it was a work issue but he felt i took their side rather than his. I don't think there is any reason to go into the boring details but he felt i didn't support him enough in fact he is always saying that i put friends before him for example if i was talking to him on the phone and a friend of mine visited me he would expect me to continue talking to him on the phone whereas i think it only manners to say i will ring him back to speak later - am i wrong here?Anyway we split up on that occasion and he actually went back to his previous relationship it was a roof over his head he said later. We had no contact for about 3 months then he sent a message into my work asking if i would give him a ring. He had seen me out in town the Saturday before he got in touch and i was speaking to another man when he noticed me i think this is why he got in touch, he said he couldn't forget me and i was always in his head. He has been saying he is going to get somewhere to live on his own he has said he loves me and wants us to be together but thinks it would be better if he had his own place before we fully commit to living together again, i agreed with him and said that i thought he should have done that last time as i had told him before and he needed time on his own.Well things were going famously he was due to move into his place a week ago and then all of a sudden he seems to have cold feet or something he has asked me if he can have time out.Now this all seemed to kick off when my friend asked me if i wanted to go to her caravan for the night i said i would, i must add that he seems to have a particular dislike of this friend but the alternative was me sitting at home on my own so i told him and he said that was ok but he would be doing some socializing with his friends. After i went away for the night he seemed to have changed he called for only an hour or so on the Saturday and Sunday afternoons and we were very cool to each other, i couldn't see what his problem was but he said the Saturday was the first day when he would have been able to spend a bit of time with me and i had chose to spend it with my friend. The problem with him is that he never informs me until the last minute of his plans so i am always a bit in the dark, he is very deep.Then he became even worse he said he wanted the time out he actually said "i think we should leave it for a while" when i said "leave what" he said "what we almost had". He later retracted that and said we just couldn't talk when we were like that a thought we should just have a bit time alone first.At the moment i am only getting sporadic texts with little or no feeling in them, then he rang me the other day for a chat but just friendly stuff, i know i sometimes have trouble with texts sometimes they can be taken so wrong, i saw him on Sunday he text me asking about something and later said he was just testing the water to see how i was because he wanted to visit me it seemed.I just don't know how to take him now is it worth hanging on to this relationship, i do love him but if he can't fully commit what is the point and even though he has said his other relationship is over he is still draging his heels about moving, he has moved stuff into his new house but the main thing "him" is taking a bit of shifting! Do you think all this what has been going on could be him not sure who he actually wants or do you think he could even love us both because if that is the case i definately don't want to hang around.Maybe it is so obvious to someone else but he really confuses me and why did he bother to get back in touch after three months just to carry on like this again?
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female
reader, didda123 +, writes (9 June 2009):
 He was already with his ex when he was being awkward so why bother in the first place and i have spoken to her and there is no relationship going on between them, there would be no need for him to get his own place if he was comfortable there. He tells it like it is when he actually starts talking so would not be worried about upsetting the apple card.
We have had a relationship for over 4 years and we lived together almost 2 years. After our family fall out he didn't need to get in touch with me again but he did, three months had passed so why bother. I know it seems he is looking for excuses instead of discussing the real problem but it just doesn't add up properly to me, just last week he was planning for a future again but after i planned a night away with my friend he has changed but is still keeping in touch.
Does anyone else have any ideas which may help.
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