A
female
age
41-50,
*ngel1982
writes:I am 25, nad have been with my bf for 5 years, known him for 7.hes gone away for 4 months abroad,and i've been living with a male housemate.the thing is that i am sleeping with him and havent told my bf. my housemate wants to marry me, and said he loves me etc.the problem is that i havent told my bf about the sleeping bit, rest he knows (basically very little) about the affair.another thing, this man is 30 and divorced with issues. i fond out myself. he never told me. lied about his age and in denial about his last marriage that lasted 3-4 years.i love him but love my bf too.im confused and scared and feel helpless.he wants me to say yes to being with him when my bf comes back, in other words break up, at the same time he says, im not holding you prisoner,and you can leave when you want!! scary!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): You actually have two issues you need to deal with here, not one, so its important that you think of it this way.
1) Your relationship with your boyfriend is in trouble.
You say that you need more from life, and you're totally right - its probably sex or something else that's missing from your relationship with your boyfriend. Think about it, talk about your relationship with your boyfriend when he gets back.
2) You're falling for your housemate.
That person you're sleeping with has issues, and its obvious that you have problems with those issues. Don't let this relationship progress any further - trust your head, not your heart in this. If you had to find out about his divorce, age, etc by yourself, this man is obviously not even coming to terms with what he is, let alone be able to handle someone else in his life.
And on a side note, you do sound very confused. It seems like you're not too sure what you want from a relationship, and its coming through in your words and your actions.
My advice is the tough one, but I think it'll be the best. Dump both men. Spend some time with yourself for a change and think about your past relationship and what you really want from it. This book may help too: http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/1577312260/
A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Just be honest your going to end up with one or the other
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (26 December 2007):
SOunds manipulative. You do realized that your BF ABROAD is going to find out and not like it one bit.
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A
female
reader, angel1982 +, writes (26 December 2007):
angel1982 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim sorry for the typos in the original question. I meant to explain that this man is gentle and kind and great in bed.
while my boyfrend is a beautiful human being,we've had our share of problems and I love him deeply, but felt i needed more from life.
my HM on the other hand says he loves me despite my pre-existing condition,and wants me forever.I know its cheating etc.but i want to tell my Bf when he comes back(if he needs to know i.e)
what should I do?
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