A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and I'm dating a man 20 years older than me. Although when I first met this man he thought I was 18. I don't think that it's immoral as I am mature for my age and it is never an issue between us, I enjoy our mature conversations and he makes me laugh. I love him more than anything but I'm afraid to tell my friends, I'm terrified of conflict and I always have been. Are there any suggestions anyone could give me apart from breaking up with someone that makes me so happy? We have been together for almost 8 months. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, catsrock  +, writes (25 November 2008):
Don't break up over age difference or over other's perceptions. You feel comfortable with him and enjoy conversation with him, so I say keep it up if you love him! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): I have a friend who is dating a man much older than her. When she first told us about him we were all quite shocked about his age, but when we met him and saw them together we could just see how happy they make each other, and it doesn't matter how old they are.
If your friends are true friends, then as long as your man makes you happy, they should be happy with you being with him, even if it does take a while to get used to.
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female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (11 November 2008):
 thanks for the advice. i dont think he ever takes advantage as he has given me plenty of opertunities to walk away from him. i hope it lasts forever but if it ends one day i hope i can atleast say that we had great times. he's so young at heart though everything i want to do i want him to be right by my side. he's taught me so much about things and has made me such a better person i appreciate alot more things since i met him i only wish that my parents and my friends could one day accept it.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 November 2008):
 I don't know whether I think it's wrong or not. The thing is, if you were 35 and he was 55, nobody would have a problem with it - there are lots of relationships like this (well, quite a few - many more like this than where the guy is 35 and the woman 55!).
The tricky thing is that you are so young, and are, presumably, relatively inexperienced in life and relationships. And you are at a very different stage of your life to this guy - very different. The feeling is that maybe he is taking advantage of your youth and naivety. This can happen.
HOWEVER, I also think that if you genuinely have a lovely time with him, then for the moment, perhaps there's no harm in it. At the moment. Although I think there will come a point for you when suddenly he seems very old, and you want to do something else.
But as it stands, it isn't illegal, so long as he isn't your teacher or other professional in charge of you, and really, you can do what you want. As for your friends, they will be a mixture of derogatory, amused and intrigued, I guess. I imagine you want to tell your friends so you can talk about him and be open about it. If they really are your friends, they'll understand. Maybe try it with your best (and most trustworthy) friend, and explain why you're worried about telling everyone. See what she/he says.
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