A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:boyfriend and I met after a long time chasing me...we had our 1st sex unprotected;we were drunk but I still remember I had told him I want a condom that night...months later when I became pregnant he kept asking me and telling me about my exes that are infected by hiv...that got me really scared and he told me if I been unprotecting with my ex then im hiv as he knows that he is hiv...im pregnant and obviously I have to go for antenatal visits...so I did and I found out im hiv pos+..honestly it didn't hit me hard as its expected I accepted it and im taking arvs but I haven't told him...im scared :( I dunno what he will think..that im the one who infected him?its been months now that I know our status but I dont know how to tell him...im scared he might walk away from me and the child we expecting...should I tell him??and what do I say??I mean I also been asking my self if he saw me with a sick guy why didn't he just let me go or rather use protection with me...honestly I dunno where I got it from...him or my ex...please help
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condom, drunk, hiv , my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (12 December 2015):
Yes, I totally agree with female anon reader.. Do let us know how you and the baby are doing.. Wishing you all the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2015): Your question sounds a bit confusing because I don't understand if he is HIV positive and already knows or if he is worried because he found out your ex is HIV positive and knows he had unprotected sex with you afterwards.
Don't even worry about him leaving or dumping you all you have to worry about right now is telling everybody you've had sex with that you have HIV. That's the issue, nothing else.
You need to be concerned about your health, how you are going to deal with this and about your babies health.
If your boyfriend already knew he had HIV before he met you then I don't really see how he could be mad at you if you also have it.
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A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 I don't know the Law in your country but in Britain if you have sex with someone and you know you have HIV you can be prosecuted. Sent to prison. Rightly so! I'm sorry you have caught this infection but you have to tell your boyfriend. Not because he might dump you for his health! If he has it he needs the Doctor's & meds too. Tell him but cause right now if he has the virius will be attacking his immune system and without the medication, all it takes is a cold and he could die! Wake up this isn't a oh he might dump me, it is bloody serious! If you do love him tell him for his Health!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 You have to tell everyone you have had sex with who might have become infected. It is bad enough infecting one person, but allowing the possibility that they could infect someone else is brainless. Everyone who could be infected through you needs to be checked out right away.
It would be cowardly and irresponsible to let another possibly innocent person get the disease just because you kept it secret.
Do the right thing. Africa has a big problem with this and it is due to unprotected sex and denial.
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A
female
reader, Tottochan +, writes (11 December 2015):
OH wait, just a second, sorry. He suspects that he got infected when he had unprotected sex with you?
OK, sorry sorry, I misunderstood earlier.
First of all, you can't know whether you infected him or were infected by him, or whether the two are independent events. I say this because he might have had unprotected sex before he was with you, and could have gotten infected then, and just not known it. Same for you - either you got it from your ex, or from him.
But that is not important in the current scenario. Sure, you should tell him about your status. Let him take the decision of staying with you, or not.
Either way, as I had said earlier, you will have to grow up now. Find out from your doctor the guidelines that you should adhere to from now on. Have medicines regularly. Keep yourself healthy. Make sure that you have the medication, because that should ensure that your child will be born with HIV-negative status.
Your boyfriend will have to decide on whether he wants a future together or not. You don't have to feel guilty. You were unaware of your status and he (might have) got infected (from you) - but definitely, unintentionally. It was not your fault. It's OK. He should start living a responsible life from now on, as well.
Now you have to grow up for your child. As I said before, start planning for the future. Your life and your child's life is in your hands. Be a wonderful mother, as I'm sure you will be. There is definitely someone out there who will admire your courage and love you for what you are - that person could be your current boyfriend or someone else - time will tell.
All the very best to you.
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A
female
reader, Tottochan +, writes (11 December 2015):
OK, one second.
He was already HIV-positive, before he met you? Why would you be worried about him walking away from you if you are HIV-positive, when that is already his status?
If he was HIV-positive and knew it, and he *still* indulged in unprotected sex with you - that is highly highly irresponsible and dangerous behaviour.
First things first. You are on antiretroviral drugs already right? That is very good. Keep consulting your doctor and have medicines that will ensure that your baby will be born HIV-negative. You must become mature now and get your head firmly on your shoulders.
Your child will be dependent on you. From your description of your boyfriend, it doesn't seem like he is trustworthy or will be capable of being a good parent, at least according to his behaviour as of now. So you will have to prepare to be a single parent.
Keep yourself healthy. Follow doctor's guidelines on diet and exercise and leading a healthy life. Have your medicines regularly. Do NOT indulge in unsafe sex. It could lead to pregnancies or even STDs. Do you have a job? Or are you studying? Start making a plan for the future.
For your future and that of your unborn child.
If you are worried about your boyfriend leaving you - well, from the sounds of it, it doesn't seem like it is worth having him around. So if he leaves, good for you. It is time to become an adult and to grow up.
Wishing you and your child all the very best.
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