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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: How do I know if I've fallen out of love? I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years (next week). In the beginning, obviously, everything was perfect. Then after a few months, I got depressed (for about 2 months), and I felt like nothing (not even him) was that important anymore, I lost my sex drive and got a numb feeling about everything (including life). That passed, I think, although I never fully recovered my sex drive, and I didn't feel very passionately about other things either. But after that, I felt like I loved him again. We had some issues after that (jealousy on his part), but still, we worked it out. It was messy, because I lied, and he had jealousy issues with a past friend with benefits of mine. I stopped talking to that long time friend, and never cared actually. We just stopped being friends. My boyfriend also stopped talking to him.Still, I felt very happy being with him, although I did feel a numb sometimes. I also started having horrible self esteem issues (unrelated to him). But I felt, I felt a lot emotions, even if they were painful (like the self esteem) at least I felt. A couple of times we broke up, and I felt like my world was tearing apart.However, from one day to another, I feel strange. I don't feel like I love him so much. Like, I don't really care if I don't see him in a week! However the other day I was already feeling like this, we fought and I felt so sad, despite the fact that I feel like I don't love him. Yesterday we hung out, and I just started crying at one point. We had fun, but somehow it didn't feel like it always does.However, could this be depression again? I don't feel excited about seeing my friends, I don't feel excited that I'm very close to graduating, I don't even feel bad about my body anymore! I don't know, some days ago I was obsessed with my poor body image (even though I know it's bad), and now I rarely think about it.I've also felt very nostalgic of the past, when I was like 14 or 15. I don't know why. I also feel like I miss my ex friend with benefits. Not that I miss the benefits, I miss talking to him, even though we haven't talked in like 2 years and I was completely fine with it. And I prefer not talking to him, because I respect my boyfriend (he never asked me to stop talking to him, I just did it after the jealousy mess... even though his jealousy has subsided significantly, I know that it would bother him a lot if I started talking to him again.) I don't know what I want from life, I don't knwo what I want from me! All I know is I don't want to stop loving my boyfriend, because he's a great guy, we have planned a future and despite this feeling like I don't love him, I don't want to be without him. I just desperately don't want to fall out of love with him. I want him, but I feel numb. This is so difficult to explain... but this numb feeling is for life in general... it's strange, sorry if I can't explain it any better.I just feel like I don't know what I want from life, love, friends, me. I don't want to stop loving him, up until last week, I felt like he was the one. Now sometimes I feel like there is NO ONE. Like no guy could ever make me happy. Everything that I do or feel, I question, I ask myself "Why do I do/feel this?" and I just answer myself that I don't know. I feel like nothing has a point anymore. But I don't feel sad... sorry if none of my post made any sense, thanks for reading though.
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broke up, depressed, friend with benefits, jealous, miss my ex, my ex, self esteem, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I'm taking the birth shot and I've been feeling the same way you've been feeling too. I would doubt my feelings and my relationship. It came to the point where I became unhappy and numb about my relationship so I decided that we should take a break. I'm scared that I'll lose him because of this. That we'll change because of this break. I don't want to lose my boyfriend, and I know I'll never find another boy like him. I just want to be happy with him like I did before. It's just been a day of our break, and I've conducted some research on the birth shot and how it relates to depression, low self esteem, and anxiety. And, I'm not alone. Many women and young girls went through the same emotional, confused roller coaster when it came to their relationship with their boyfriends while they were on the birth shot. Some of them, came to the point where they broke up with their boyfriends and regretted it. I don't want to break up, and I don't want to feel sad either.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): O i'm so glad i found this post! Cuz now i know i'm not alone. I feel exactly the same! Feeling emotionally numb abt everything n desperately wanting to keep loving my bf which seems impossible n it frightens me cuz i know he's everything that i want n need. Its as if i KNOW that i luv him but i just cant FEEL it anymore. I also doubted he's the one n then even doubted there's any such thing as "the one". I used to get depressed a lot but never felt this numbness before. Just as u said I can't seem to care abt my usual insecurities either n have lost my sex drive too. i'm also near my graduation but i can't feel happy abt that either. And life seems pointless to me... i won't try to explain how i feel cuz u've said all. I know doing some exercise everyday helps but i'm not even motivated to do that cuz i don't even care that i don't care. But this will pass, I already feel a little better today most probably cuz its the first day of my menstrual cycle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): You do sound depressed. I have gotten this way at times before; I've been depressed multiple times in my current relationship (the birth control I was on was causing the depression), and it made me doubt my love for my boyfriend, it made me indifferent to life, I wouldn't care if I saw my boyfriend or not, I didn't care if I saw my friends, and I'd miss and reflect on my past. It caused a great strain in my relationship every time. I'm sure you still love your boyfriend, even if you don't feel like you do, because you're still afraid to lose him and still realize that he's a great guy. You just don't feel it because the chemicals in your brain causing the depression kind of take away the 'in love' feelings. My suggestion would to see a doctor, get diagnosed with depression, and take anti-depressants. Keep in mind you'll pretty much have to take them for the rest of your life because depression never fully goes away, but it'll help you. It help you feel like you're in love with your boyfriend again, and the pills will help you be more optimistic about life. Good luck.
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