A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, though the first 3 years were long distance as he was in the military. He has met my parents and my siblings. Well I feel really ashamed to say this but up until now I have avoided my boyfriend meeting my grandparents, even though they live close. I am proud of my boyfriend, but I feel my grandparents are very judgemental and they embarrass me - they act as though having a boyfriend is something to be ashamed about. The first time they found out, my grandmother actually gave me a lecture for 2 hours about how my studies were more important and I shouldn't waste my time. She is also very socially awkward. I feel very embarassed to even talk about my boyfriend to them, and they treat me as though I'm a young teenager. I love my boyfriend, but I almost feel that I should be ashamed of having a boyfriend when I'm with them.I feel sorry for my boyfriend and want to show him that he is part of my life, so we are going there for dinner tomorrow afternoon.How can I control my embarrassment? I'm scared I will blush and go really quiet, or that they will ask my boyfriend lots of questions and make him feel uncomfortable. I'm quite shy and I really struggle with these situationsthanks in advance for any help :)
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grandmother, long distance, military, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 January 2015):
 That is kind of sweet, to be honest.
My advice? TELL your BF ahead of time. Tell him how they are, and hopefully he is a guy who can handle himself with your grandparents.
And if you really worry MAKE the FIRST visit short. Once they have met him it might make it easier for a second, third, fourth and so visit.
And IF he is smart he will behave like a gentleman.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): I think if your boyfriend has been in the military, he can handle your grandparents. They are older people and they see things a little differently. Are you forgetting he has grandparents too? Relax, they should be impressed with the fact he has served your country, and he's no slacker.
Humor them and don't be embarrassed. If he's a nice-guy, they will probably like him. Just give him a head's-up that they ask a lot of questions and may say a few things.
He's built for war, he can handle your grandparents. Don't be ashamed of him, or the people responsible for your existence on this planet. You love them and they love you. Just like they did when you were a little girl. You'll always be a little girl in their eyes, they've been around a lot longer than you and your boyfriend have.
As your grands, they have a right to give you free advice. You're the generation that will carry on their DNA, and represent your clan. Appreciate their concern and honor them for their age and wisdom.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (14 January 2015):
 Are your grandparents aware you are bringing him? If so, it seems like that means they have accepted him to a certain point. Are your parents willing to help? They may be able to approach your grandparents in a comfortable way and let them know that you love your boyfriend and are trusting them to be supportive and act appropriately.
If they make your BF feel badly, you have no obligation to stay. It's worth a try, but don't feel pressured to keep your stay for the entire evening. If they are acting rudely or being openly judgmental, you can bring you grandma to the side and politely notify her that the comments are uncomfortable and hostile and you and your bf are going to head out. Tell her you love her and will see her another time.
It's understandable that you are afraid of their disapproval, because I'm sure you love them and value their opinion. However I'm sure they love you as well, and the burdon is on them to accept or to feel contempt. Let the negativity weigh on their hearts and not yours. The more you can show a resilient attitude to your boyfriend regarding their disapproval, the more resilient he can be as well. If their rudeness doesn't affect your opinion of your BF, then it shouldn't affect your attitude either.
Don't worry about it basically - you love him, let them know you love them and respectfully disagree - and let THEM be the ones to suffer from their close-minded perspectives. All you have to be is polite, honest, and YOU. And don't accept it let yourself sit and be slaughtered. Don't be afraid to remove yourself from a toxic situation. Being quiet and submissive will leave your boyfriend alone and open as a target.
~SY
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