A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I have asked for advice before but need your help once again.My husband was caught cheating and he confessed he had cheated 3 times altogether(married for 21 years),he said how wrong he had been and it will never happen again,we stayed together and even though we have had ups and downs some days are better than others things will never be the same.What i need advice on is that i have found out that one of his affairs lasted over 6 years she is also married(still is)dont get me wrong i have nothing against other religions and i am not racist i have many friends from all races but my own personal belief and my h/b was that we could only be with a white person so i was completely shocked to find out that this women was Indian and older than us and when i asked him why he says it was different because of her religion he was not allowed to kiss her and had to wear a condom and he only went with her 7 times which i find very hard to belive it was just for sex when it went on for 6 + years (she works in the same company)please try to understand that because of my own personal beliefs how this makes me feel, now i find i cannot enjoy sex with my husband.Do think my husband has got a sex problem as he told me that when they were on the way home from work they would stop and have a grope is this lust or was it more?Two years went by and he then he started an affair with another women from his works(20 years younger) this went on for 4 months untill he was caught out what do i do now?Should i belive that he is sorry?How i feel is my OWN personnal feelings nothing more but would like your views thanks.NOTE: Please don't judge my personal views!
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female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (14 May 2009):
You need to stop analyzing your marriage at this point and simply desolve it.
Your husband has clearly left the marriage a long time ago, you need to free yourself from this man so that you can start to rebuild your life and start a new one.
Does it really matter if he's sorry? Has it changed anything up to this point? No... so, who cares? What's an apology worth to you anyway? Does it take away the pain and restore trust? No... SORRY is only a word. His actions are what you need to be questioning and if you reread your post, you'll see as clearly as we all do that you are wasting your time hoping that your husband will love you as any wife surely deserves to be loved.
Good Luck!
Bella xoxo
A
female
reader, puppy68 +, writes (14 May 2009):
Hi
I am going through a similar thing myself and having read the answers on my post and yours I think that the answer is staring us both in the face.
We need to dump them and move on with our lives. Once a cheat always a cheat and I have found that because I let my husband back into my life after the first time he seems to think that he is free to do it again as I willalways forgive him.
It will be hard to live without your husband but you are worth more than the way he is treating you and given an inch he will take a mile, just because he can.
I hope you sort things out for the best.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 May 2009):
Well you need to get an STI test. The fact that he said a woman MADE him wear a condom for religious reasons (or because she is not an idiot) means that he's been not wearing condoms all the other times. He's lied for so long so who's to say that he's not lying about giving you all kinds of diseases.
It doesn't matter who he's had sex with. He's cheated on you because he didn't value the vows he took on your wedding day.
Personally I would chuck him out without a second thought. I think you know how full of holes his story is.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 May 2009):
 I totally agree with the first anonymous writer. It's NOT about the women, it's about your husband LACK of control. Seems like he would screw anything that moved. (sorry it that sounds crude but really... am I wrong?)
I can imagine that after 21 years of marriage it is hard to say enough is enough. I think your husband have a LOT of onresolved issues that for whatever reason he hasn't shared with you two. I can TRULY understand why you don't want to have sex with him. No way, but then again.. No trust no sex... is there love? Hard to say because he sure don't have much respect for you either.
The questions you ask only HE can really truly answer them.
PS I don't think your husband is sorry. I think he is sorry he got caught. :( I think he really prefers his little "fanatasy" world and that maybe you aren't a vital part of that. Personally I'd be out the door and down to see a lawyer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): when a man is sorry for cheating and learnt his lesson believe me he will not do it a second time. This man will cheat again take it from someone who has been there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): its not who he had an affair with that is the peoblem. those women were providing some sort of sexual satisfaction to him that you were supposedly not .
so do not only blame these women BLAME HIM. he f*cked around and did not bother about you. he did the wrong, he messed up. it seems like he is gloating and it seems as though you have quickly forgiven him.
next time, ehat will he do. got a serial cheater on your hands. i dare say. watch your back. he will be at it soon enough again. it doesn't matter wehat race. HE DID IT and he enjoyed it. and he is boasting about it. and you want this loving husband in your life??? once a cheater, you knoe the rest.........he has proven it time and time again.
please do not be fooled by him. you sound perhaps a bit naive. race and f*cking are not incompatible. your hubby enjoyed it with these women. he is the wrong doer here.
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