A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I seem to have the perfect life in which I am fully satisfied with but yet everyone seems to think that there is something wrong with me. I am 23 years old,I have had years of community service, a Black Belt in two martial arts, a loving girlfriend for eight years and a wrestling state champion back in my high school days. I am currently a street trooper in the Detroit police force studying week nights at a community college in order to become Detective when my boss retires. Yet in spite of all of this just about everyone around me thinks that I am a little weird once I get into my personal life and views. For starters, I never went to a wild, drunken party as a teenager and have yet to do so as a young adult, I simply have never felt the need to be this reckless or endanger my health like, in fact I have NEVER been drunk or smoked a cigarette for this reason . I have also never had the desire to go to a strip club or have a one-night-stand. Some of my buddies in the Army tell me that I will become very unhealthy for me not ''unleashing my wild side'' and how good a one night stand feels and how it's great not having to worry about her pregnancy because it's not your problem once your nations away. They continue to tell me that I am really missing out on life for not experiencing different women. They then go as far as saying that I have ''attachment issues'' for being loyal to my girlfriend for so long and that I have physiological problems for being so attached and not willing to have sex and then leave.They even add that I might be partially gay for being uncomfortable with strip clubs and that 99% of men would not be bothered by this. It's not just my military friends, 50% of my fellow troopers are giving me an identical message and these are considered honorable men. So, everyone do I really have issues, or Am I just fine?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 May 2011):
I wish there were more guys like you out there. As a girl, you sound like a dream come true. Make no mistake, it may be cool among buddies to brag about how many women you shagged, share stories when you're shitfaced and pass on an STD here and there, but in the end it's all talk and when it comes to that talk is cheap.
When they bring up the issue, tell them: "Look, I'm not telling you how to live your life, so let me live mine. I know what I want and following the herd and doing what's-cool according to some unwritten rule is not it. Can you be a man and let this go?"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): You sound quite fit to me....:) i mean fine ....there is nothing wrong with you, very confident and you simply know what you want and don't want....you know who you are and what you are about.....do not be too sure that underlying mischief and jealousy does not live in the shadows of those close to you. Could they be trying to roll the rock?keep on your chosen path and don't roll.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 May 2011):
 My observation of the male of the species is that he struggles to NEVER allow another male appear to be superior in any way. In other words, guys like to one-up each other, bust each other's chops, essentially never allow another male to gain any sort of perceived dominant or superior position to his own.
My guess is that you are coming off a bit sanctimonious and these guys are trying to deflate you a bit. Don't get too concerned and maybe lighten up a bit. You don't have to do shots with them and ogle other women. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and honestly I doubt they think you need to run around. They are trying to unsettle you and make you wobble a bit in your perceived superiority and it's working. You are here asking the question.
As bernard said, live your life as you see fit, it really isn't anyone else's business but your own. Just as how they choose to live their lives isn't really anyone else's business but their own.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 You are happy. As far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters. Don't listen to what they said. You're devoted to your girlfriend and you're probably making her very happy because of that, you're the type of guy almost all girls look for, if you follow their 'advice', you'll just be another lowly, disloyal fiend of a person. It's not unnatural to not have an urge to do all that stuff, be thankful you don't because now you're healthy and in perfect condition for the work you do. Don't let peer pressure change that.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Your just fine... However some people who have rejected "wild experiences" in their youth, feel they want to try them out later in life. For example, men and their mid life crises. Some people feel like this, others don't. Don't let people run your life for you. You like what you like, and it suits you just fine. If you change your mind later you will do what suits you best, not because others tell you to.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (6 May 2011):
In short, you’re just fine. You’re obviously associating mainly with people who have different ideas about how they wish to live their lives, which is fine, but they’re quite wrong to suggest that you ought to live as they do. People are different, difference is a good thing. Many people do avoid wild parties, dislike drinking and similar activities, and it’s not abnormal to prefer to avoid these things. And even if you tried to force yourself to go to wild parties and get drunk, or go to strip clubs, or have one nights stands, you wouldn’t feel comfortable with it-that’s just not you. The best thing to do is to politely tell these colleagues that you personally aren’t in to things but do so in a way that doesn’t come across as unintentionally judgemental of them. For my part, I think what they’re saying is ridiculous and quite wrong but it’s so much easier when you have to get along with people to show polite respect for their opinions and emphasise the personal nature of the choices you make. Cliché though it may be, be happy with who you are-learning to live with who you are is so much easier than trying to change to fit in. Finally, having a steady girlfriend and not liking strip clubs doesn’t make you gay at all-that’s just silly, neither do you have attachment issues. A steady loving relationship would make you the envy of many people. So in short, if you don’t think there’s anything wrong listen to your own judgement, rather than that of some others who are being narrow-minded in assuming that their way is the right way for everyone. I assume from your post that these are only some of the people you associate with, so clearly there are others who think you’re fine. What, for example, does your girlfriend of 8 years think? Listen to them too. You sound hard-working and committed and have achieved many great things-I wish you all the very best and hope this advice helps. Be happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Trust me, you are just fine, and your girlfriend is a lucky woman. I think those who make fun of you might actually wish they could be more like you, although they'll never admit that. By the way, it made my husband happy to read this, because he's just like you! He's had so many guys tell him he's "weird" or "missing out" for only wanting to be with one woman for the rest of his life, and he doesn't like strip clubs either. He doesn't even look at porn. Now I'll admit, it's unusual for a guy to be like you or my husband, but it's certainly not wrong, and don't let anyone tell you that! I really don't understand why so many people think it's fun to get so drunk they can't walk straight, and hop into bed with any random stranger, then wake up the next morning with a hangover having no idea what they did the night before. Why is that something to be proud of, anyhow? To me, the only things you're missing out on are STDs and liver failure when you're older lol. So yeah, just keep being yourself. If someone else doesn't like it, too bad.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 They're just jealous and mystified, as far as the women and children of this world, keep up the good work by putting your best example forward. Of course you could avoid some ridicule and jibs by going out with the guys and throwing back a couple of pints and darts once and a while.
Looking too good can be viewed as superiority thus making your comrades below you. Leaving them thinking your a complete narcissist to avoid. On the other hand if you're comfortable with yourself, who cares what anyone thinks.
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