A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 29 weeks pregnant with my first child. Me and the babys father have separated due to him being unfaithful (not the issue here tho).We are both trying to be as involved as we can, he has been to all scans and classes and he is going to be present at babys birth because i dont want him to miss out on anything about becoming a dad. We have agreed that he will at first come over and see the baby or i will fetch her to him at his mothers home every week and then when she is a little older eg 4 months he wants to take her out on his own and have unsupervised access (we came up with rhis together and i thought it suits us both as he is afraid he wont no what to do with a newborn as he has never even held a baby.) So everything has been amicable until last night. We got into discussion about breastfeeding and he completely flipped out. He has accused me of only wanting to breastfeed so that i can use it as an excuse to limit his access and by making the baby need and want me more coz only I will be able to feed her! I suspect it may have come from someone but i dont want to point the finger because i dont know. I was completely gobsmacked! The thought hadn't even crossed my mind! I dont know wether he is suddenly afraid that i'll make things hard but I've reassured him that i want our daughter to have as much to do with him as possible but now he is angry and has decided that he doesn't want me to breast feed and is demanding that i back down! i had no idea it would be an issue or we would have discussed it long ago. I genuinely only want to do what is best for my little one and that is to feed her the way nature intended! Now im worried that this is the start of problems and i cant believe that there are arguments and she's not even here yet! should i contact a solicitor and have access aranged through court -would that make it better or worse?
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female
reader, peteloevely +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I know you will probably find a million facts on the internet so I don’t need to write a long extensive comment about how breastfeeding is better… but stick to your guns.It is absolutely the way it was intended, you only breastfeed your kids for the first half a year of his life and later on you can convince as you introduce him/her to solids. There is a great difference between my brothers health and mine, reason I say this is, when my mother had me she become very anaemic and could not breast feed me, I always had a weak immune system and I found out at a young age that I had developed a thyroid condition due to a weakened immune system.Now people are welcome to disagree and say there is no correlation between the lack of lactation and my poor health and that is true I have no solid proof, but I have seen the same scenario play with all the children I have worked with now I work assisting a natural healing doctor who works teaching parents on how to give their kids the best start in life.this is only my personal opinion, stick to what you think is best, do your research extensible and try to talk some sense in to him, this is NOT about what is convenient for him, but what is best for this little girl, you are willing to sacrifice your body, why can he just compromise on a small thing? There is no reason why not.use the peace of mind being pregnant brings you to talk calmly and maturely with him, and get to a common ground, perhaps if you guys talk face to face you will be able to tear down the dubts that might have being planted on his mind by someone else.And from the bottom of my heart congratulations :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): Ah okay, my bad. I didn't consider that as a factor to be honest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "babies are supposed to be ONLY breastfed until 6 months old, your baby will get all nutrients from your milk" what I meant was that babies don't need anything else other then milk for the first 6 months, not even water, juice, tea...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Cerberus, I agree with you 100% and I"m betting the words ONLY and Breastfed were transposed.
babies should be ONLY breastfed for the first six months (before introduction of solids)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "babies are supposed to be ONLY breastfed until 6 months old"
Wrong, all medical data and evidence suggests the two years is the minimum for maximum benefit and you could quite easily breast feed your entire life you wanted. Some mother still breast feed 8 years and older.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): babies are supposed to be ONLY breastfed until 6 months old, your baby will get all nutrients from your milk, you can just pump some milk and put it in a bottle for when he has her, BUT don't give her the formula straightaway even if it's easier, cause your milk is much better for her, however if you can't that's also an option. next time you go to your doctor your ex to come along, so the doc can explain to him that the baby needs your milk and that the well being of this child should be your priority, get your differences sorted out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): The baby has not even been born yet and the "who do you like best" battles have already started.This is NOT what is best for the kid. It is better to have a STABLE single parent then two parents who are only competing with each other while hating each others guts.Breast feeding ain't just the natural thing to do, it is the best thing to do and is recommended by doctors all over the world and UN policy to encourage it whenever ever possible.This even goes so far as that women who breast feed and have to much milk are encouraged to donate this for women who can't produce enough on their own to help their babies get the right start in life.And he wants to risk that because he is afraid a mother and a her baby might bond? Geez gods.Your supposed to freaking bond, it is part of nature, the act releases tons of the cuddle hormone which makes you not mind so much not having any sleep for the next year at least. It also helps women get over feelings of depression and anxiety.Yet all this prick cares about is that a baby who can't even tell voices apart might not like him as much...Here is a wild guess. How much is he contributing right now? I got this feeling, not much or indeed nothing at all. The deals you worked out. Anything on paper? Any funds deposited to pay for expenses? Visitation rights are not just visitation rights but also duty, as in YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE KID even when you want to do something else.There is a reason sooner or later lawyers gets involved in these cases because if you could agree on things, you would still be together.Get legal advice, see what they have to say about word of mouth support agreements.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 November 2012):
 Hopefully he'll calm down.
Are you OK with expressing milk so he can feed her when he has her? You can discuss the practicalities of it with your midwife, with him there if you think it appropriate. She can also explain the pros of breast feeding, as a professional in a neutral position.
You shouldn't have to take this down the legal route. What you are planning is best for baby and for you. I don't see how he can really object once he's though it through.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Wishes-Hands-Free-Breastpump-XS/dp/B00295MQLU/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1353003943&sr=1-1
Problem solved OP.
I know you're pregnant OP but stop freaking out okay? It's not good for the kid at all and this is the most minor issue imaginable when you can just make enough milk for him to take away and use.
Breastmilk is the best possible start for a child and you know what, women have been doing this and facing these kinds of issues from the dawn of time, before breast pumps we have wet nurses and all these things have simple solutions. You're going to have a baby it's going to be tiring but pretty cool, so just relax.
You won't limit his access you'll produce extra milk for him to use, that will save him money on formula too. He'll have to think of a better reason than that to start shit and you just remain calm, tell him it's not going to be an issue and find the simple solution.
Seriously, the breast pump will solve all of this, plus if you want to have a night out and drink alcohol you can store enough milk in the fridge to feed your child until it is safe to have him/her go directly to your fun bags.
Congratulations on your child OP, there is no reason to stress this small crap.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2012):
he can't force you not to breast feed. It's better for you and the baby (and good for you for wanting to do so)
you have a few weeks to let him calm down.
after 3 months or so you can pump and start her on bottles of pumped breast milk.
I have a friend who came back to work TODAY and left her 4 month old at home with daddy for the first time. She's breast feeding and she pumps so the baby can have a bottle.
do not start the bottle too early as nipple confusion will occur....
if he wont' back down then tell him
I am breast feeding our baby. IF you can't accept that then we will have to have visitation and child support worked out by the lawyers...
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (15 November 2012):
 First, you need to give him some information about breast feeding so that he fully understands how "breast is best". A lot of people simply don't "get" how much better breast feeding is for babies, and he could very well possibly think that you're using this as a ruse. One fix may be that you can promise him that it won't limit his access to the child as you can pump breastmilk and provide it to him with special "like-breast" bottles so that he can freely spend time with his daughter. With the ease of modern technology, breastfeeding mothers no longer need to be "joined at the hip" with their children, often breastfeeding mothers can and do work full-time jobs and sometimes even go to school while still providing breastmilk to their babies. If you can show him that there is technology today that can help you provide breastmilk to your daughter but still give him a lot of options for freedom and being able to spend time with her/feed her, he won't have to worry about it anymore. All you'll need is a hospital-grade breastmilk pump and "like breast" bottles.
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