A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking with this guy for the past 3 months. He wants me 2 Be HIS WOMAN.BUT i havent really said yes 2 him. THIS IS WHY... We Talk alot on the phone. I Told him im pretty much a"Jeans and T-Shirt " laid back kinda woman.He tells me if ur gona be with me u have 2 step ur fashion up. I like who i am. and i feel comfortable in how i dress. I feel like hes tryen 2 change me. Tellen me i betta get used 2 wearen dresses and short skirts and high heels.He jokes around and says if we go out2 a club u cant get in wearin "Jeans and a T-Shirt" uLL hav 2 stay home. I cant take u anyware with me looken like that. When he says those things2 me it hurts my feelings. I thought if u like a person,U like them 4 WHO THEY ARE NOT HOW THEY DRESS.OR WAT THEY WHARE. Am i right? Well i told him i dont Ware Tight Skirts or High Heels.THATS JUST NOT ME! BUT it feels like he just wants me as a Trophy so he can show me off.How do i tell this guy that i Really like that i dont think i can be his woman but we can still be Friends?Please Help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): I wud like to thank "Benard" for his advice. UR right! If he dont like me the way i am.HE CAN GET TO STEPPEN.! (*_*) AND A Another Thank u to "So very confused" at least i can go on feeling that i dnt have 2 change For nobody! P.S.{CONGRADULATIONS ON LOSING ALL THAT WEIGHT! U GO GIRL!} Thanks 4 All Ur Advice ITS VERY MUCH APPRICIATED! (*_*)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 January 2012):
 He sounds dumb as a rock.
I'm just wondering why YOU are actually listening to him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
 OP I hear you and I agree with you totally you should NOT do anything or wear anything that makes you uncomfortable. I have my limits to how short I will go... and I dress the way I do for both of us...
for example he's on his way home... he's getting greeted, not in a sexy nightie or other such item which i know he would prefer, but rather... purple fuzzy polka dotted socks.. old ripped yoga pants and an sweat shirt... he won't like it as much be he accepts it as part and parcel of living with a jeans and shirt kind of girl... it's the compromise WE made.
IF you do not want to wear something or do something for this man then you say NO.
I say over and over and over again YOU CANNOT LOVE A PERSON'S POTENTIAL YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEM AND ACCEPT THEM WHERE THEY ARE. IF THEY GROW TO THAT POTENTIAL, IT'S ICING ON YOUR CAKE.
and i believe it.... my guy and i got together at a time where i was actively remaking myself having lost @140 pounds so changing how I dressed was a choice i made as part of my revamping...
DO NOT do something you do not want to do EVER.
if he says can you wear this skirt and it's too short but otherwise acceptable you can tell him exactly that... it's lovely but it's too short.
if he wants sexy.... maybe Victoria's secret type lingerie under those jeans and tee shirts and he sees you running around getting dressed in them....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): IM The "Jeans and T-Shirt" woman speaking hear. Dont Get me Wrong. I dont mind dressing up 4 my man time 2 time. LIKE THE Other Person said for"Date Night" yea sure i wud have No Problem with that. As Long as its Somthing i feel Comfortable in. I DONT FEEL I HAVE 2 SHOW HALF MY BODY WHARING a short mini skirt and high heels JUST TO LOOK SEXY. There are other ways 2 look Sexy WITHOUT SHOWING ALOT OF SKIN. I just dnt like to be told wat 2 whare and how 2 whare it. Stuff like that. Its all about who u are and wat u feel Comfortable in. THATS HOW I SEE IT.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): I wud like to Thank "Tisha -1" For Her Advice. You summed it up in 2 sentences for me. You Hit it right on the Nail. THATS EXACTLY WAT I NEED TO TELL HIM. Thanks again "Tisha-1" And i would also like To give a Shout Out to "You Wish" Thanx for the Advice and The Pep Talk. You are right! There are other men out there and i would rock their world with my t-shirt and my tight jeans on! !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Narcissistic men are used to using women to be their Barbie Doll. If it was attraction, adult falling in love in a healthy manner, there would be no talk of changing you. He sees you as an extention of himself so definitely its about making him look good.You resist it because its not the 'norm' request from a secure man.A woman in love doesn't mind dressing up from time to time for her Man and as So Very states- Date Nights is a good compromise- totally a Win/Win situation.Granted Men like to see women dress 'sexy' from time to time but really, what man does a fashion overhaul? Trust your guy instinct and if its not what you want happening- then tell him so.Honesty is always best. No confusion, no games.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
if you don't want to change then don't.
I'm a jeans type of girl or I was.
My man PREFERS me in shorter skirts and high heels.
I give him say over what I wear ON DATE NIGHT ONLY.
there are days he goes "blech pants" and i go "suck it up dude you get a say on date night" and then on date night it's 4 in spike heels and form fitting dresses that befit a 50 something barbie doll....
if you don't want to change for him then don't. I opted to change but had I not I am reasonably sure my guy would have accepted it with a bit of whining...
NO ONE should do what they don't want to do.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 January 2012):
 He tells me if ur gona be with me u have 2 step ur fashion up.
You tell him if you want to be with me, it's an "as is." You either take me the way I am or move along.
Why are you talking to a guy like that in the first place? The first time he said that, you were put on notice that he has some fantasy of a woman that doesn't mesh with your reality.
"John, you're fun to talk to but it's clear that I'm not your type. I hope you find what you're looking for, but she's not me. Take care."
Why do you want to be friends with a guy who thinks of women as fashion accessories at the club? Yuck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Well, then dump him! You've only been dating three months, and if he's making you feel like this right off, then you two aren't right together! Apparently, something attracted him to you, but if he's trying to change you, then it needs to end.
Trust me, there are a lot of guys out there who not only would have no problem with you being in jeans and a T-shirt, but you'd rock their world wearing them!
As for the friends thing, don't do it. If he's not the one for you, you need to make a clean break. If you hang him on as a friend, you're not moving on, you're vulnerable to being used, and you'll continue to feel like crap in his presence.
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