A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, just looking for some advice. I'm 25 and have been meeting a guy aged 27 for about two months. We were initially friends, as when I met him, I was meeting somebody else. He made it clear he wanted more, but friends was better than nothing. Eventually, things ended with the other guy, so we started hanging out more (still as friends). I'm just so confused about us now though. Initially, I was happy for us to be friends. He kissed me one night early in December, and then text asking if I minded. I said that I didn't but I still just wanted friendship. He said it was ok, but he had to try it. Eventually, we sort of agreed to give things a go, dating etc. He is very sweet, but I just think there's something missing. We click sexually, and we enjoy each other's company, and today I didn't see him and sort of missed seeing him....but then there are moments where I feel he just isn't 'the one'. I have talked with him about this as it upsets me but he thinks It's too soon to tell. Some friends have told me to wait as feelings grow, but I've been in a relationship like that before and felt like I was settling and missing out. The thing is, if this was the other way around and I was him, I'd still call it a day as usually if one isn't into it as fully, then it normally affects things anyway. But...when I think about not seeing him I'm sad...but when he talks about the future, I'm scared...HELP...
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Thanks Cerberus. I do agree, and think I was being hasty. Also, because I had a similar situation before that didn't work, it is still different in ways and he is a good guy who I'd want in my life anyway so just gonna see what happens :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): You're right OP, we do only get one life. Just try not to cheat yourself out of something just because you're not 100% sure. 2 months isn't that long.
Don't worry about hurting him too much in the future. It hurts more to think you didn't get a chance rather than it just not to have worked out.
If he really isn't the guy for you, you'll know for sure and if you reach that point then go.
Besides there's nothing to say you have to commit your life to a guy to be with him. It just have to be fun, that benefits you both. There'll come a point when it'll ether come together or you know he's not for you. Try not to let baseless doubt creep in, make sure you know.
Sounds like you have a good guy here, OP. No reason at all not to give it a shot. I knew my wife a couple of years before we became romantic, and it was a little while after that where we could say without doubt we were completely in love and then over 6 years before we decided to marry.
The only problem I can see here is the timing between your last guy and him, this could possibly be a rebound if you got together soon after your last. But again, see where it goes. He took the chance knowing the risks if that's the case and if it does end up that way so be it. That's kind of the point really, risk, you never know what's going to happen. Just don't commit to anything really serious until you're comfortable. Other than that just enjoy yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): Thanks for the comments. I don't think I 'fantasise' a perfect guy, but I am of the thinking that we only get one life, and I want to feel sure before I commit. However, you are right in that it's early days, and I have no real 'reason' not to carry on. I'm just worried if it doesn't develop, I'll hurt him and I don't want to because he's awesome and sweet and just a lovely guy. And yeah, I guess I have been smitten with the 'wrong' type in the past, but what I meant was, even if I really am head over heels, if I sense they don't feel the same/treat me in the right way I bail on things to avoid hurt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): OP you don't happen to have a pattern of dating like this do you? Because it kind of sounds like you're the type that when you have a guy you feel something is missing but when you want a guy you can't have you feel he's perfect.
OP you're not in a relationship really, you're only dating and it's only been two months. You're honestly going to have to come up with something better than this 'the one' crap.
You have to figure out the reason you feel that way sometimes and you have to figure out whether it's actually relevant and you're not just the type who lives in a romantic fantasy and need to be head over heels straight away to feel that it's "real".
I say that OP, because "the one" is a bullshit notion that really does only hold people back. Your expectations when you date are so high because "the one" has to be perfect for you in every way and frankly no guy can match that. If you have dated in the past and have felt guys where "the one" then how come you're not still with them?
Look my point is, if you have something tangible, something logical, such as not being attracted to him or being too different in a way that matters to you then fine. But be careful that this is not just your own lofty expectations making you feel there's something missing because you're not head over heels already or he's not perfect. Because you stand to lose a guy here without giving things a proper chance, when this guy could end up one of your great loves.
You click sexually, you enjoy your time with him that's enough to keep seeing him for a while longer and see how things go. Figure out the reason, OP, make sure it really matters. The best relationships I've had took time to develop, took time to fall in love and started on the basis that we had great sex, had a good time with each other and had a lot in common.
I have to disagree with YouWish, I think you're the one who needs things to happen too quickly. I mean you need to know guys are the one before you get anyway serious with them, that's a lot of pressure and expectation.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Of course you're scared! It's been only 2 months, and many relationships haven't started becoming sexual or exclusive until this point.
This guy's moving kinda fast here. If his future talking is getting to you, and he's moving fast sexually and pushing you, then slow him down. ALSO, if you are feeling like something's missing from your relationship, it's okay to end things. I have been in your position when I was dating, and it was at the 2-month mark that I had to tell him gently that it was better to part ways. There's nothing wrong with it!
I'm thinking you're wanting out if you've been talking to him about these feelings. Speaking from experience, you should end it now rather than dragging it out. You know if things are clicking after the 2-month mark, and it's best to have the breakup talk gently, but definitively.
...............................
|
