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I'm not sure I love my boyfriend anymore but am scared of being on my own with no family. What should I do?

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *orried1234 writes:

hi sorry if long............

am looking for advice

unfortuantely my life hasnt turned out the way i planned, i have been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs, we live together, but im now wondering if the best thing to do is to go my own way.

we get on well, hes my best friend, we used to have such a laugh together, it was our same sense of humor/similarities that first made us bond, we were like 2 peas in a pod, the same opinions, thoughts, interests. we lived at home apart with our own families) but back then we had no worries.(financially indepednatly)

his mum died suddently of cancer 3 yrs ago, him, his dad and i moved country 2 yrs ago (my family live back at home in another country) where we live he has only his dad who lives in the same town but he and dad arent as close as they used to be. (due to his dad being too occupied with his 'new family')

so many things have gone wrong in the last year really, we are in debt, have so many problems, he didnt have a full time job, only was able to get a part time (he did try) i have been paying mostly for everything, i didnt mind but now i am a bit fed up having to shell out money all the time.

he's recently got a good steady position and ever since his part time job he's handed me his wages and says he will hand me his wages from the full time job once its starts the end of this month.

i have shelled out alot of money for him, i.e private dentist treatment, cos he was in agony and wasnt with a dentist, he had to get him to someoen, money to get him and his dads thigs out of storage (his dad couldnt afford it) now his dog has fleas which is costing me a lot. our car broke down 9 months ago, which is a real pain cos we need to walk everywhere.

i know its not his fault at all.

he apoligies and says he'll pay me back, so really all these problems take up our time. we never enjoy ourselves these days, we just seem to argue, we only go to work, go to the supermarket and shops thats it.

i want to go dance/sing and he wants to go to the gym etc but its money, and cos were depressed and tight on money we think whats the point.

the question is do i stick with him or go my own way?

i feel i cant because my trouble is ......i put other people b4 myself and i know i wouldnt able to go if i didnt think he could look after himself financially. i have said what would you do without me (joking in general) and he says i wouldnt be here. that saddens me. i cant say for certain that he wouldnt as he feels alone (as he's said)

i would worry that he wouldnt be able to cope. id feel so guilty. but i know we are not happy the pair of us, the thing it becos of all the trouble or cos of our relationship going stale?

we dont even kiss these days, cant remeber the last time we even snogged, we cuddle but i go to bed and he stays up plaing xbox. we havent been even a bit intimate for months.

he is my companion and im happy when hes with me, i would be sad if he wasnt in my life.

i suspect in my heart of hearts if he turned around and said i dont think we're working out i think its gone stale i feel that i would be sad but actually in a way relieved.

but i am terrified at the thought of being alone, im not that close with my family, and dont have any friends, i am a trained singer/dancer but cant get a job doing it, so im working in an office which depresses me) part of me feels like going away on a cruise, if we split up (amically) i would love to.

he feels the same as me (hes a trained actor - but cant get any work either, so we're in the same boat)

what do i do? im just getting older and older im 27 this yr and it depresses me, most of my old school friends are married and have kids, but thats not for me, cos i dont want kids and dont want to be married. i just want to be happy.

please help?

ill admit deep down im probably too chicken/scared to do anything so im plodding along

View related questions: best friend, debt, depressed, money, split up, want to be happy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):

Hello, i am in the same boat now, and considering this was a late post, i want to know what happened with you? Did you leave or did you stay? And whatever the answer, are you happy?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

break up with him as fast as you can. get on with your life don't waste another minute. make it clean and painless as possible, you are only going to get more iserable and waste more of your life, that you'll never get back.

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (14 September 2007):

You are your own worst enemy. Your sour attutude has ruined your love life. Your husband is in the same way. You've both created a living hell. Ask him to walk with you to a park bench. Then say, what the f are we doing. Decide on some goals and then work together to climb out of the dark hole.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007):

Hi there:-) I just wanted to offer you some words of encouragment. You need to do what is right for you as in the long run you will just end up hating each other and if you are feeling this way then it is an injustice to him to stay in the relationship.

I recently (5 days ago) ended an 8 year relationship which i stayed in because i didnt want to be alone and i didnt want to hurt the other person.

I am angry with myself for wasting so much of my life being unhappy as you only get one shot at life and you really have to amke the most of it.

Not wanting to be alone does not constitute as love i know this for a fact. It was hard the first day after my break up and its only been 5 days and I already feel better like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And guess what when i brought up the issue of how unhappy i was with my now X boyfrind he had been feeling the same and didnt want to hurt ME!

To meet new people you have many options you can join a gym, or my favourite is joining an evening class in something you really love that way you get to meet like minded people.

I hope this has helped and remember if you do break up it will be hard but in time you will meet someone fantastic that ROCKS your world !!!!!!!!!!!!

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