A
female
age
41-50,
*plendid_spiders
writes:Okay, so I found my boyfriend's collection of porn. We've been dating on and off for five years and just moved in together. I'm not bothered by the porn. I'm freaked out that some of it was gay porn. He's never shown any signs of being gay or bi-curious and we have a very good relationship. And after five years, we still have a very good sex life. I'd assume if he were gay or bi, I'd know after all this time ... wouldn't I?! I really don't want to bring this up to him and I don't feel I should, so I thought I'd ask you all for some advice. I understand that humans are very complicated and I also understand we have a right to our private thoughts and fantasies. I don't want to violate his rights in any way. But if anyone here could give me some advice, I'd be very content. Thanks :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hey babe, i think you should confront him about it, ask him why he has it, make sure he knows you dont have a problem with it, but also you would like to know why he is into it. I hope i helped. Mail me if you would like to talk x x
A
female
reader, Rosary +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi splendid. I apologize because I mis-understood. Thanks for clarifying. I thought he had a few adult material. Splendid is it possible that he has another life that you may not be aware of? Do you spend most of your time together. I would start observing some of his actions. Don't hover over him but do watch him.. You need to know that he has not taken the viewing of the gay porn any further. I don't have to tell you why. Your emotional and physical health maybe at risk. You will have to get to the heart of things for your own well-being. Take it slowly because if he does have an interest in gay life (even though he has not expressed it to you) it is a difficult topic for him. This may be a secret interest and he may have not even experienced the lifestyle. You will have to play detective in order to preserve his privacy. Yes, you do have a right to know because this is the "honesty" part of your relationship and you deserve it. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. Be well and happy.Rosary
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A
female
reader, Rosary +, writes (10 July 2007):
Hi. I think that you are right in that your boyfriend has a right to his private thoughts and fantasies and you should probably not be concerned based on what you state in your post. If it really disturbs you then perhaps you can GENTLY bring up how you have stumbled upon his collection and allow him to respond without mentioning the gay porn. He will know what you are referring to. If he chooses not to comment then respect his decision and continue on your good relationship. I wish you well. Smiles to you and have a good day. Rosary
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A
female
reader, splendid_spiders +, writes (10 July 2007):
splendid_spiders is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it was actually a stash of porn in our closet ... his side of the closet. I'm glad he doesn't surf the net for porn, but I'm concerned that he has saved this gay porn throughout the years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): I would think that if he is checking out porn sites he obviously comes across gay ones as well. Perhaps he is just being curious and as you say humans are quite complex. I am a straight lady and have to say that I have had a sneak preview at lesbian sites just out of curiosity but it is no reflection on my relationship with my boyfriend and I definitely wouldnt want to be with a woman. If it doesnt affect your sex life I would just leave him to his fantasy. If on the other hand it bothers you a lot that you see him a different light maybe should should bring the subject up to see how he reacts.
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