A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: A co-worker and I had great chemistry and flirted constantly. We are both married. Nothing ever happened but I found myself constantly thinking about him and began to fall for him. Out of respect for my husband I have transfered to another office and cutoff contact, save some emails where genuine handover advice was needed. I kept these brief and professional. It has been a week and I have found out the co-worker is also transferring to the new office. I am not sure what I can do as it will be impossible to ask to move again without raising suspicion or wrongly jeopardizing my co-worker's reputation. How can I get over him when I will see him all the time?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 December 2014):
 This just goes to show that you can never run away from your problems, you have to face them. Yes, so now the guy is at the new office but if you've decided to be faithful to your husband then it wouldn't matter if it were him or Brad Pitt because if you love your husband then you wouldn't ever think of cheating on him, no matter what your options were.
Why did the indiscretion even happen? Are you not happy with your husband? Or are you just bored in your marriage? Whatever it is, work on it. You are married. You shouldn't be thinking like this about any man. How would you feel if your husband had written this post OP for another woman OP? Wouldn't you be livid at him? Humiliated? Mortified? Think about what you're doing to your husband.
Be professional. Don't shit where you eat. Let work be just work. Don't flirt, don't do out for an "innocent" cup of coffee or a drink. And if things are that bad with your husband then just leave him. No excuses. Period.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (28 December 2014):
Ok the first posters advice was harsh in my opinion, you transferred because you want to keep your marriage together and you didnt have an affair. Im afraid you can only put a stop to him by resetting the boundaries as workmates and nothing else. Even if you come across as cold, it is better than losing your marriage. Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2014): Do you recall that in your vows that you promised to forsake all others? The purpose of marriage is to bond as an exclusive couple. You can't run from your life, nor your feelings. They follow you wherever you go.
You played with fire.
Temptation is a major challenge to all relationships. Remaining faithful is what you promised to do. If your marriage was well, you wouldn't be writing this post.
There is this old-fashioned and seldom used practice called "self-control."
We can control our actions, not simply give-in to every impulse. That's why criminals get sent to jail. Imagine what the world would be like, if people couldn't control their emotions or how they behaved?
You'd be screaming bloody murder if you found out your husband was actively cheating on you. That in itself should give you pause. I hope that your husband discovers your lack of self-discipline, and realizes the weakness you have. He should know that you are so over-whelmed and obsessed with another man. He thinks you're faithful and love him. I'm not cutting you any slack. I'm going to make you think!
You've deliberately nurtured your feelings for that coworker to the point you can no longer control them. Sorry, you have no excuse. If you've constantly placed yourself in situations to feed your yearnings, don't blame close proximity as the reason. Blame a lack of self-discipline. No respect for boundaries. That includes professional-ethics, or the sanctity of marriage. Give that some thought!
Remember the old adage, "don't sh*t where you eat?" Work is where you work. We are all human and get tempted. We often have to struggle to get a hold of our impulses, to prove the strength and depth of our love and feelings for our mates. Running is only proof you've gone too far already. If you loved your husband, you'd stay put; and fight the feeling.
He wouldn't have followed you unless you left bread-crumbs behind. You left only because you figured others were catching on. Lets be honest, okay?
Stop running and get a hold of yourself. He wouldn't have transferred unless you gave him plenty of lusty signals you wanted to get it on. I'm going to be frank with you. You can't fall for people unless you've been exchanging flirtations and feeding into those feelings, and making yourself available for his feedback. In plain language, coming on to him. You say you haven't done anything? Odd he'd go so far as to transfer to follow you! Now everyone knows. You both transferred to the same place.
You want to end it. Stand-up to it. Face it head-on. Then direct your attentions on what you're going to do with your marriage. Whether to fix it, or end it. The challenge of love is to protect it with all you've got. Been there and done that, girlfriend.
Don't entertain the thought of cheating, because that's what this is all boiling down to. You're trying to wrap it in a pretty little box. Claiming you're so overcome with your feelings. Isn't that what most people say who have affairs? You've got the hots for someone other than your husband. It's far from love. It's all below the waist.
It would be cheating. Plain and simple. Get a grip, my dear. Or, get a divorce. Now you've got him chasing you.
All it takes is will-power.
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