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Follow up: I'm interested in knowing what you think about me spilling the beans

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I had asked a question a couple of months ago and wow you all had it sooooooooo right! I'd been with a man (married w/sick wife) for over 8 years who swore up and down he was gona be with me....... Well, I found out through his "friend" that not only was he still very sexually active with his sick wife but had impregnated another woman who is the wife of his other "friend"!!!!

Gosh, I'll bet the guys with wives are lined up to have him as a friend huh. She is due in about 4 months! I have to say I've learned my lesson but am tempted to spill the beans on him to his wife. Should I???

Oh, he has no idea that I know this and let me tell you it's been hard to keep my mouth shut as he is paying off a credit card balance he put on my credit card for his business..

(Another big mistake on my part) But after it all cleared up I want to let him have it, not sure if I should do that. I'm interested in knowing what you think about me spilling the beans? Thanks for your input and for making me aware of how Stupid I was.

[Mod note: could you add the link to your previous posting so those who are interested in reading the thread can do so? Thank you]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

First, thanks for all the input & sometimes it better to receive an outside view. I wanted to add a bit of follow up to this situation and boy will this one blow your socks off! Yes, I know being with this man was wrong and I've since resolved that and haven't been sleeping with him in many months and I have no feelings for him that way anymore. I told him to go spend time with his wife/family but he doesn't seem to want to stay away no matter what I do.

I did however, "find" a video of this man in the act of sleeping with the woman he impregnated along with her husband. YUCK! I never told him I have it but he did tell me what he did and that it was on video, yet he still LIED about what took place, made it sound like a medical thing (said he was a sperm donor) instead of what it really was. No, I didn't watch the whole tape (ewwwww!) but just enough on FF to know what a snake he really is. I know I should've expected this but it was a hard lesson none the less.

Oh, I wanted to add that this man's wife was never really sick at all, he just said that to make me feel sorry for him.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (1 April 2009):

eddie agony auntWhy would you spill the beans? Have you not learned that you were just as gulity as he was? You knew all along that what you were doing was wrong. So, in order to seek some sort of revenge you'd love to break the other womans heart??? It seems you still think too much about what suits you. Maybe she should know. It's hard to say. You motive though is revenge and it should be remorse. If you had really learned a lesson and though spilling the beans was such a great idea, you'd have done it before you found out the new information.

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A female reader, SweetSerendipity United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2009):

What is your objective when you spill the beans? Does it benefit anybody in a constructive or positive way? Will it bite you back in the ass if you did it?

As Klara said, he is no longer your concern. Rather than spending that energy in "preparing the revenge", spend it on doing something fun and yet useful - for yourself. You'll be far "richer" for yourself.

"Revenge" is never sweet if you did it yourself intentionally. Karma has a way of getting it back to him. And if you did your revenge, Karma will also find its way to you. So you do your fun positive things, and Karma too will send its fun positive "rewards" to you ten-thousand folds!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009):

well revenge is sweet, so spill the beans. it serves him right.

it's not about revenge, it's sweet and bitter revenge.......hell halt no fury like a woman scorned.

spill the beans to the wife and the pregnant lover

make sure he clears the debt he incurred.

and then, get on with the rest of your life. It took you 8 yrs but it is not too late. just don't make the mistake of going down the mistress path again. in that case it would mean that you would have learnt nothing. Here's hoping for the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009):

goodness...be done with it already? Move on with your life and quit wasting even more of your time on him and his wife and his life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009):

8yrs...WOW!!!

hell yeah...spill the beans...i did and i've only been the other woman for 10months...hell yeah spill them...

it's not even about revenge...the "sick" wife needs to know...

the only thing that i can tell you is think long and hard about if you care of him cutting you off...because when i did my intentions was for him to cut me off...but he didn't...so get that credit bill down and spill em'!!!

let us know what happened

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