A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi im a gay woman in my 30s and my partner in her 40s. i am really happy with her and she always says she loves me and is happy too. one thing though but i cant ever let my g.friend know this, i get very jealous but wont show it. not of other women i trust her but im jealous of the fact shes close to her ex partners daughter who is 10 and she still wants to see this child and the kid wants to see her too but its a daughter of her ex g.friend. this child she still has in her life and takes her out now and again which we will be doing soon. also she hasnt seen her for a while but the daughter of her ex wrote her a letter saying she misses her and wants to meet up with us soon. my partner thinks shes cute and is going to take her out and write her a letter back and that is why i feel jealous because i write letters to my partner saying i love her and she has never wrote me one back but is going to reply to her ex partners kid. i wish she had nothing more to do with the kid or family really as the past is the past but shes also god parent to her ex partners sisters child so she will always be involved with them kids. i feel jealous the love she has for them incase its ever more then she has for me. my partner has said im her number 1 before though. how to i cope with this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): thank you for all your replies i do agree with all what you all said. your all so right i do feel better about all this now and see it in a new light. i do suffer from depression and look young for my age i only look about 16 so i do feel i hate myself anyway.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2015):
 I was married to a man who had a child. We are now divorced. I still love and care for this child even though she is an adult now. We were a daily part of each others lives for many years.
A CHILD is NOT a threat to you... she is not being in contact with the child to have access to the mother... she is in contact with a child that feels close to her and wants to keep her as part of her life.
I do not see this as your gf using the child to be near her ex...but rather she's trying to help a child to transition more easily to not having her in her life on a regular if not daily basis.
The fact that you feel threatened by a child is disconcerting... are you that insecure?
AS a parent I can tell you the heart is an amazing organ... it is not stagnant... we have the ability to grow and love more than one child... we have a place in our hearts that is special for children... and we as adults have the ability to love as our own children we did not give birth to....
Your gf sounds like an awesome mature amazing woman and if you don't get your head out of your butt you may lose her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): Seriously grow up about this. The kid is 10 and she doesn't understand why all of a sudden a person who was part of her life has disappeared. Of course the child will want to see your partner and it shows what a wonderful partner you have that she will consider this and do this.Don't put jealousy issues onto a completely innocent child, because all that will happen is you wil appear jealous and needy and you will get no where.Accept that your partner is a good person for doing this, try to be interested and understanding and be grateful you have such a kind and loving person in your life. So she doesnt write letter back, but you say how wonderful she is and you get to see her in person regularly. Enjoy your relationship and don't think negatively, look for positives and that is what you will see.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): You see the child as an extension of your partner's ex, and you are projecting your jealousy and resentment onto an innocent little girl. You wrote because you know it isn't right.
I'm glad you haven't let on to your partner; but children are very intuitive about adults who don't like them. Girls in particular, pick-up on cues faster than boys do. So you had better put on the best face you can when this child is around you.
Please read your post to yourself. Especially the parts about how you're jealous of a little girl's letter, your partner's response to her letter; and how your partner doesn't respond to yours. How do they even compare?
Children don't understand the disconnections grown-ups can make in relationships. They are totally innocent by-standers to breakups. Even harder, is when new people replace the people they know and love. They no longer get to live with people who were a very major part of their lives at one time. They don't get to make any choices about it. They don't even understand the reasons grown-ups can't work things out, and fix what is broken and pulling everyone apart. You should feel sorry for her. Your heart should go out to her for how sweet she is, and that she didn't turn bitter or resentful toward your partner.
Get over the selfish jealousy; because it isn't pretty. It is unhealthy, and those kind of feelings shouldn't be directed toward a child from an adult.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 February 2015):
 How do you cope?
BY accepting that your partner is a BIG part of this CHILD's life and the CHILD was/is a BIG part of your partners life. Then GROW up. Being jealous of a 10 year old is just too petty.
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