A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in one big lonely mess and it is getting me so down I spend nearly every night crying. I used to have a really close circle of friends, and even though we went our separate ways after school, we still kept in touch and went out together at the weekends. A while ago we went out round town and there were a few disagreements throughout the night, and at the end of the night for some reason every one pointed the finger at me, but we were all drunk so nothing really came of it at the time. However the following weekend no one got in touch with me, which was strange as we always did something together. I tried contacting people but didn't get a response then found out the week after that everyone had gone out as usual, but without me. This kept continuing to happen and its been a couple of months now and everyone just seems to have blocked me out and pretend that I don't exist! I have had one reply to a message I sent to a friend and that wasn't very friendly, bascially said the reason we hadn't spoken was because she hadn't bothered to get intouch with me! It is getting me so down and depressed and I keep looking through their online profiles and seeing new pictures every week of them all out having a good time together, and the main thing is I don't even know what I am supposed to have done wrong!This is leading to another problem because my boyfriend and I have recently got back together after a really rough patch that we went through, and things aren't the same as they used to be. He hardly ever gets in touch and it can sometimes be a week or so before I hear from him. Each time I say to myself 'he is just using me and treating me badly, I need to tell him its over when he next gets in touch', but sure enough when the next text or phone call arrives asking me to go round I'm there like a shot! When we are together things are great and all my problems with my friends disappear and I do love him so much, but I know the way he is treating me is wrong, and I just can't seem to let go. I think because of the way things have gone with my friends I am scared that if I end it with him I won't meet anyone else because I have no one to go out with to meet new people, and also once I give up on him I will be left with no one at all! I have no one to talk about this with and I just seem to be stuck in one big visious circle that's making my life a misery! I need my friends to grow up and my boyfriend to start acting like a proper boyfriend before my life falls apart! Please help x
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (17 June 2009):
 hun i work with people of different ages im the youngest here at the firm i work at.
i'm 20 they're all like late 20's 30's etc... the only person close to my age is 23 year old and i don't always hang out with them but i organise something if i do,so why not with work organise something.
and you really shouldn't hold onto someone whose the "only" person left especially the way he is treating you get some time alone without him and build yourself up again organise a night out with some of your friends from work even if it's just the cinema or bowling or something it'll help you mix and bond and perhaps pick up decent guys and make more friends. don't let these so called "friends" of yours knock you back stand up head held high and go out with work mates show them girls you don't need them and that you've got other friends and other plans.
hope this helps :) x x x x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirsly thanks everybody.
I don't think my friends ignoring me is to do with me getting back with him as they were still ok with me for the first few weeks.
I do have a job and get on well with the people there, i've been out with a couple of them once or twice for work do's but I can't really see it developing into regular nights out, one because we all live quite spread out, two because they all have their own groups of friends and three because we all vary quite abit in age.
I would love to be able to just turn my back on my boyfriend, the stupid thing is i can see that he is using me and treating me like s*** but every time I convince myself to finish it, I start thinking about all the good times we have had and something in me stops me from doing it.
My main worry is that as I said before, with my friends not talking to me I have no one to go out with to meet new people and I'm not the kind of person to go sit in a pub/club on my own and start chatting to people I don't know, which is why I think I can't let go of the one person who is still 'sort of' in my life, because then I will be left with no one what so ever! And thats why I say I'm caught up in a vicious circle because it just seems that resolving one problem leads to another :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): oh and always trust your GUT instinctyou know whats wrong and right. and this guy is not a proper commited boyfriend xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): what has happened here is you are very lonely, you used to have lots of friends and now no-one. I am in the exact same situation and Its so upsettingi know the vicious circle feelingthe group is ostracizing you out for no good reason. talk to them and if they dont invite you out with them FORGET them.. they aint worth it, you deserve better friends than that afterall! I know its easy for me to say but try joining groups to meet new people, apply for jobs.. or get in contact with old friends and ask if they fancied going out to a club etc.. and who knows you may meet people at work or university to head out with every once in a while! :)you dont need people like this, they are fake and will end up kicking another girl out of the group. as for the guy..your ownly grabbing on to him coz ur lonely, but isnt it worth being alone for a little while than let him see he can treat you like shit? if he doesnt change for you, cut him out of your life too! I spent so much time and energy on a guy that was NO good for me too and I wish I could get that time back.. so I would forget him, it sounds maybe he has other girls on the scene.. and you can do MUCH better than him! Life changes, we can make our lives change huni, --things will get better! =)
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (9 June 2009):
Hun clearly they're being a bit up themselves and not telling you what you've done wrong.
i suggest you go to there house or call them and find out once and for all otherwise you'll never know.
your boyfriend you need to get rid of.
and you'll ALWAYS have people on here to talk to you and we will always try and help you out anyways we can.
i mean if they are going to be childish then you should just make some new friends i know you say it's difficult because you don't go out but maybe it's time you should show them what a great friend they've lost.
proove them wrong!
and your boyfriend needs to grow up
maybe that's why your friends have deserted you because you're back with him...?
maybe they never liked him...
just don't let this put you down!
there are plenty of people out there waiting to date you or be your friend.
and like i've said you can always talk to us on here for anything you're unsure of we're always here to help.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Hmm..Well, something happened, undefined, that alienated you from your friends. Happens. You possibly offended someone that had more "pull" than you in the group, and the rest followed that person like a pack of lemmings in ostracizing you.Not much you can do.. You can find the alpha person of the group and try to nail down what the problem is, but a lot of times, once you are alienated you are alienated.Easier said than done, but make new friends. You are so alone because you have hinged all your happiness on this group of people that clearly do not value you very highly. Learn to become self sufficient in happiness and you will attract new and better friends.As to your bf, yes a week of not contacting you isn't really even a dating type of situation, more like casual dating. If you want a serious bf, then find one. Because he is not it.Also, sadness. There is a clear choice involved in letting sadness rule you. Moments of sadness can and will creep up on you from time to time, but what matters is whether you overindulge in that sadness or steel yourself and steady your gaze...
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