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I'm in love with my sister

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2008) 34 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, *azorwire99 writes:

Hi I have a problem. I'm 16, and I'm in love with my 14 year old sister. At first I thought it was just hormones, but it's been 4 years and I still feel the same way. Also I think she already knows, but I can't be sure. Help!

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A male reader, green808 United States +, writes (14 November 2010):

green808 agony auntok, im 25 and ive been in love with my sister for 13 years now (shes a year younger than me fyi). i wish i could get rid of it because it has always made my dating life difficult. any advice? or is there a reason i think like this? because if theres a reason than i can fix it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010):

This isnt normal and dont beilive it is .... go to consuling ...and a doctor to get over it ..please dont go through with this it will not help with anything ,

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A male reader, Knowsitall United States +, writes (8 May 2010):

Assuming this isn't just a troll getting their jollies - which I believe to be a very strong possibility - not knowing anything about you it's hard to gauge what's really going on.

I.e. - are you mentally troubled or a normal kid with genuine romantic affection for your sister?

Under NO circumstances should you do or say anything that's going to make your sister uncomfortable. You say you think she knows, but that doesn't mean she likes the idea.

Even if it's genuine, and you both feel it you're going to run into some real world problems. Such a relationship won't be accepted by most people and you'll find -0- legal support. Be aware that if you get caught having sexual contact you could potentially face some very serious consequences, most of which are going to fall on you which could be true even if you weren't brother and sister, just due to her being underage.

Nothing wrong with being close, I don't know if you'd be willing to deal with the potential mountain of crap if you wanted to try to be a "couple".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010):

Ok so this is quite clearly WRONG. What you need to do first is realise it. I mean really, how many of your friends are like, in love with their sisters or mothers? none, right? Know why? Cos its WRONG. And to be honest, it's rather disturbing that you fell in LOVE with YOUR SISTER when she was TEN. And you were 12, sweetheart i think 12 is too young to know what love is, let alone FALL in LOVE with YOUR SISTER. But you have not acted upon your unnatural deires (and it IS absolutetly unnatural and you KNOW it, otherwise you wouldn't have asked for help) for for years, KEEP IT UP, don't run away from it but learn to rid yoursef of the feeling and maybe talking about it will help...maybe to a pscychologist cos they won't judge you and keep client confidentiality. Imagine having sex with your mother, pretty horrible right? Like, EWWWWWWWW??? Sub your mum for your sister, you SHOULD still have the same reaction. Reproduction between brother and sister has many complications, much more so than that of normal relationships/reproduction, that's natures way of telling you it's not meant to happen like that! Hope you get over it :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010):

Whatever you do, don't do or say anything to her. I had a friend whose older brother by two and a half years started to make her uneasy. She felt that he liked her in "that way" and she was really, really confused and uncomfortable. Think about what your little must be thinking, "my older brother has a thing for me." She would probably be freaked out by you and feel somewhat violated, to be honest. Just don't show it because you will damage her psyche and you don't want to do that do you? And even if she did feel that way too, which is doubtful, acting on this would create a huge mess.

Besides, I think the whole "you can't control whom you fall in love with" is a bunch of bogus. There is a filter for everyone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009):

Many of you keep saying it's just wrong to have a such incestuous feelings, but never really say why. If you keep religion out of the equation (which is the end-all of any intelligent discourse), I find nothing at all wrong with it. If two siblings long for one another, where's the harm? Of course, yes, there could be development issues to consider, that it could be unhealthy to not branch out into the world. But taking that away from this discussion, how is it that two consenting teens or adults are doing any harm to anyone if they want to be together in a romantic way?

Ok? Got the parameters? So... again, where's the harm?

Dave

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009):

you poor poor man this is obviously stressing you out as you're not sure if she knows how you feel what i would suggest is talking to a physchiatrist (im not calling you mad) but it will help you a great deal to tell someone about how you feel if you're still unsure i would suggest hypnophrapie to try and block out these feelings.

im sorry i could not be more helpful

p.s im sorry about my spelling

MOD NOTE: SPELLING CORRECTED. Take a look for some tips.

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A female reader, inluvwitdawrongperson United States +, writes (1 August 2009):

inluvwitdawrongperson agony auntThe same thing is happening to me, except im a girl thats in love wiht her brother..love is blind, dont feel ba about yur feelings.. you juzt have to accept that you cant have anything with her, er yu can but i dont think other people wuld accept it,. you have to forget about her, or else its going to drive you crazy,

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):

Hello

So many of them is already shared there experiences so better i will tell you something easy to you so that you can come out of that. Normally feelings affect through thoughts and that is cause of your five senses. Giving respect is far from wat you think . So better try to know yourself first an try to know wat actually love and lust means .First you have to do is close your eyes and start thinking about your past cause you have the solution with you no one can really solve anything untill they come know wat actually it is try out .This is the truth.

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A male reader, jorkface729 United States +, writes (24 April 2009):

Hi. I'm writing a book about a young man who is in love with his sister. I was wondering if you could share some firsthand insight with me. I've done a great deal of research into the matter and already put a lot of work into the project. In what I have already written and in what I plan to write, I have been completely sympathetic to every character and every viewpoint because realism is an element I highly value. If you don't mind: what memories come to mind when you think of the relationship you had with your sister at an early age? Have you ever come close to telling her? Why do you think she already knows? Can you please describe sexual fantasies you've had? How do you feel about her and other boys? What do you and your sister talk about? How do you know you love her? What if she felt the same way? And, anything else that would better a reader's understanding of your situation would be graciously appreciated. Thank you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009):

I agree with some of the answers you are getting. Loving your sister is far different than falling in love with someone. You are brother and sister, and you have to respect those boundaries.Life can get awful messy if you take it any farther.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009):

There is a syndrom called GSA or Genetic Sexual Attraction. Your not alone, there are many people in your shoes. You should check it out and so some research about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009):

i am in a simmilar situation. to those who condemn it, u obviously dont understand. we dont get to choose who we fall in love with, the only choise in the matter is what we do about it. in my opinion honesty is first and foremost in any relationship of any kind between two people. that being said i decided a few years ago to just be straight forward and tell her, she already knew and i knew that she knew but bringing it to the surface and talking about it seemed like the best way to go about it. it was quite awkward for some months but being that she loves me and truly cares about how i feel and vice versa we got past that and now are very close. truth is if two people age apropriate of sound mind and able body love eachother, reguardless of circumstance, they should not be condemd by others for pursuing that love.... all i can say is nomatter what course of action you decide to take, be conciderate of how what you say or do will effect the one you love. take care

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A female reader, amIdeadn0w  +, writes (31 January 2009):

amIdeadn0w agony auntHi,I'm Ivory!

First of all,I want you to know I understand how you feel,for I have the same problem.Yes,I know it's wrong and sick,but I can't help it.

Let me start at the beginning.

I'm a 18 year old girl in love with her older sister,who is 24.She lives in a different city,so I get to see her rarely and each time she leaves it destroyes me.I sometimes can't bare the pain,but I have no other choice.

See,a few years ago I had the love of my life in the face of a girl two years younger than me;she was my everything.But well,surcumstances forced me to break up with her,which left me with a deep trauma.That summer,my sister came home for a month,like she does every summer.

It was then,two years ago,I started having feelings for her.Before that,I never concidered her attractive at all,she was plain in my eyes...but slowly,I started seeing her differently.For two years I developed a love for her,stronger than the one I had with my gf.I'd buy her gifts and flowers,hug her close and keep having thoughts about her of the sort "God she's so beautiful!",among other,much more personal fantasies and desires.I'm not much of a sexual person,but for her it just happens in my mind...

She's here now,sleeping in the next room and sometimes I'm afraid she knows.True,we fight pretty often and when that happens it kills me inside,but I never show it.All I can do is wait to finish school,so I can move in with her,that's all I dream about...I have no intention of coming clean to her or anything happening between us,as I know it's wrong in the eyes of God,but like I said,I can't help it...

I hate every man who comes near her,her boyfriends and even close friends.

All I can say is,if you ever get over your sister,drop me a line to tell me how you've done it :) I wish you all the best,try and move on,find another girl...it's for the best!

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A male reader, notsobad Philippines +, writes (6 October 2008):

i know im writing this late but i just want to give you an advice.... let me ask you something,have you already been inlove with someone before except,of course,your sister? if yes compare it to what you feel for that someone.and if you find a difference between them, ask yourself again this question..."do i REALLY love my sister?"you know, its not wrong when you love your sister.its just normal to develop that kinda love.but then this kinda love should never be ofcourse the intimate kind lovers share. its just the love that brings you and your sister be close to each other..... maybe you have just mistaken your feelings to your sister. you'll soon start to realize it....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008):

Well it may be sort of weird but it's not bad, you know sometimes the indicated person for our heart it's not always the type we think, sometimes it's in our family, sometimes it may be our same sex it doesn't really matter we are all people, we can love who we want

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008):

you can love her all you need but try not too act on your emotions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008):

What makes you think you are in love with your sister? Can you describe the feelings you have for her? Are you sure it is love and not lust? What is it about her that makes you feel like you are in love with her?

If you think she already knows, then about all you can do is talk to her about it, and see how she feels.

Also, to the male poster from May 31, is your sister married now? Have you ever told her that she is off-the-chart gorgeous? Do you think she knows you feel that way about her? Perhaps you should tell her sometime that you have been in love with her for as long as you can remember. It might make your relationship with her stronger.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

Meh.

I think you should treat her like you treat any other girl.

And to the churchgoers here:

Until the last 50 years, being homosexual was against god. And so was a multitude of other things.

Incest is starting to become more widely done.

I advise the OP to use a condom if he ever has sex with her though. A gene imbalance can be very bad, and you don't want a kid like that.

When out in public don't kiss her though... you will get beaten up in the street and stuff. Treat it in public like you are with your sister, not a lover.

To get your feelings across, sit her down, talk for a while about stuff then say 'I love you' putting emphasis on the word 'love'.

I wish you luck mate!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

I've never understood what the big deal is with incest, keeping religion far aside, PLEASE! Like the anonymous poster above, I've been in love with my sister for as long as I can remember. She is 6 years older and completely gorgeous. When puberty hit, what? I'm not supposed to notice that there's this bombshell right next to me? I wish I could say something happened between us, but it only happened in my fantasies... fantasies that I still have and will undoubtedly have forever - really, to this day she is my number one fantasy girl . Sorry, but that's the way it is for me, and I really have a problem understanding why this is wrong. I mean, really... whenever I see some breathtaking beauty, I'm forever wondering how her brother, father, or maybe even her sister could not want to be with her. Where's the problem??? I'm not saying that this is necessarily a good thing, just that it isn't needlessly a bad thing. If the feelings are there, where's the harm?

Ok, slam me now with your religious or psychological babble... But if your argument has anything to do with inbreeding, please be aware that there is such a thing as contraceptives - which I can only dream (fantasize) that my sister and I might need someday. Really, I'm not kidding, she is off the chart GORGEOUS!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

I know all the other posters mean well and this guy is so young I wouldn't want to give any bad advice so I won't.

What I will do is relate my own experience from my own childhood on. When I was a little younger than this guy, I also started having feelings for my sister. And they were not the "brotherly love" or "protective" feelings. They were genuine romantic feelings.

I think I tried to tell her a couple of times but I never actually did. Nothing sexual ever happened between us. But those feelings have persisted to this day (I'm in my 30s now). I actually am, always have been and always will be in love with her. I'd never tell her now. She's never known and never will. But I've compared every woman I've ever gotten involved with to her.

It may not be "right" as far as society is concerned but you don't choose who you fall in love with. And generally, there is one person who is truly special for everyone and nobody will ever be more special than they are.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008):

I'm sorry man, but FYI, It would NEVER be ok in our society or even as human being to actually try and be with your sibling in a romantic way. This is just obviously wrong and if you have any belief in God, you might earnestly pray to Him that He will take this desire out of your heart because He calls this an "abomination," meaning romantic desire for a sibling is evil and disgusting. Please seek counseling or something before you try to do something really bad! Thanks!

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (3 February 2008):

hello1 agony auntWow female and male anonymous your really not helping! Just because you may have a sick relationship with your brother/sister dosen't mean it's right. So push off to your dark cave and stay there

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008):

I agree with the woman here who said you should be nice to your aister and treat her like any other girl you like. Take her places and pay attention to her and do things to make her feel special. If you show her love, she will reciprocate. And if she feels the same way about you, she will let you know.

But let me ask you something, are your feelings for her deep in your heart, or are they sexual in nature? By that, I mean, do you feel the love in your heart, or is it that you get sexually aroused when you around her?

Also, to smexii1313, you said you had friends who had been through this same kind of thing. Were they male or female friends, and what was their problem? How did you find out about it, and how did they deal with it?

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A male reader, Jugurtha Australia +, writes (2 February 2008):

It's perfectly natural, especially during your teenage years, to have strong emotions of a sexual nature. It's also quite probable that you're feeling like this due to the hormonal changes we all undergo through teenage years, and that as your sister is likely the closest person of the opposite sex to you (emotionally and proximally) that you are transferring emotions to her that are better placed elsewhere, and would be placed elsewhere had you the opportunity.

If you really love your sister you won't act on any inappropriate feelings you may have for her. Incest is not a good thing, and as the older sibling you have the responsibility to protect your sister from things that can hurt or damage her. You are also probably in the situation where she, to an extent at least, looks up to you and would consider you as some sort of role-model.

As quit-playing-games-with-my-heart said, talk to your school counsellor or some other qualified mental health professional.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

First, treat her like any other girl you might like- take her to the movies, go to the mall, treat her nice. When (and if you do) give her hugs, let it last a little longer; she might catch on to how you feel. If you tell her you love her, look into her eyes and let her know how you feel.

Having a relationship with your sister is a beautiful thing, and there's nothing wrong with it. If it doesn't work out, don't fret; she'll always be your sister!

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A female reader, quit playing games with my heart Canada +, writes (1 February 2008):

quit playing games with my heart agony auntgo to the counsellor at your school, don't be embarrassed to talk to them about it, this is their job and they can help you, they aren't allowed to tellanyone what you tell them in their office, so have trust in the system. Don't worry im sure you aren't really INLOVE with your sister, you probably just like everyone else said, are confused. good luck bud!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

Hi Hunny,

I think you are getting love and inlove confussed hunny, As you said this has been happening for 4 yrs so you would be 12 and your sister 10 and as a big brother you may have started to get protective with her which is natural both my boys are very protective with there sister. Your hormones may be taking over now as you are getting older you just need to find a girl your own age and think to yourself about the possibilitys of what could come of this and realise you love your sis so much but its not the inlove kind like you will one day realise when you are a little older TAKE CARE SWEETHEART LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (1 February 2008):

shandygirl agony auntI love really my boyfriend, my friends, animals, my Brother, my sister, etc.

I agree with the other posts, that you are confused. There are different types of Love. Feeling that you are "in Love" with your sister HAS to be incorrect, due to the possibly you are feeling lonely for female companionship. You need to find yourself a girlfriend, and after you do, you will see this thing for what it really was.

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (1 February 2008):

shandygirl agony auntI love really my boyfriend, my friends, animals, my Brother, my sister, etc.

I agree with the other posts, that you are confused. There are different types of Love. Feeling that you are "in Love" with your sister HAS to be incorrect, due to the possibly you are feeling lonely for female companionship. You need to find yourself a girlfriend, and after you do, you will see this thing for what it really was.

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A female reader, smexii1313 United States +, writes (1 February 2008):

smexii1313 agony auntWow. Well I think you should go out with someone else that's your age, and you'll stop thinking about her. My friends have been through the same thing, if you like her that ,then you need to go out more and stay away from her. Go out with friends and other girls, so you keep your mind off of her, and it will come soon that you'll just have feeling towards her as your sister. But you really have to go out with other girls. That's the only way you'll get over your problem, trust me.

smexii1313

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (1 February 2008):

O Connor agony aunti think you're confused and have imbalances in your body, its not right to have these feelings and you need to go out with other girls your own age who are not related to you!

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (1 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou can love your sister but you should not fall in love with her. You are confused.She is you sister and it is not right.There are many girls out there.

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2008):

hello1 agony auntYou loved your sister when you were 12 and she was 10? strange. I read we got chemicals in our body to stop us falling for our family members, at least the ones we grow up with. You got a chemical imbalance in your body. Leave your sister alone and go out with an girl your own age, it's not very hard is it

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