A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do I do? is started back in December of last year with a co-worker. I had an affair, it was just about sex at first, we are both married so I thought I would never fell in love with her but I Did. In Feb she ended it with me saying she had to much to lose, and I went off sick from work and when I was off sick she walked out, about a week after she left we got back togather again and this time it lasted untill April when she ended it for a 3rd time, and she told her hubby that she sleept with me and told me that she could not have anything else to do with me anymore. in these 8 weeks that she never talked to me I thought about her all the time and How much I love her, her husband never come after me and when I seen her out she was always with him and I might as will be a dead men walking, I know I should of told me wife about us. after the 8 weeks we got back togather as close friends, this lasted for 6 weeks we did kiss and hug each other she told me that she still love's me, but since then she has ended it cuz they had a big row over me because he belive's that she still lov's me and her man now won't let her go out on her own. she told me they are living just as friends now. I have total messed up someone life who I love and my own head is messed up, and to do this on my wife must mean I don't love her, but if i left me wife I would also hurt my 3 kid life as well. so I in love with a woman I can't have and I know all I deserve is a lonely life, can anyone help me please
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): An update since I wrote this, we just talked in a supermarket, she told me that he made her tell her kids, about me. my wife knew that I also slept with her now. the other woman told me that she does miss me and that she still love's me, but she has to think about her family. they are still living as friends - she told me. why can't I forget her and move on?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): I think that baby duck really hit the nail on the head! You may be mistakening the thrill of something new and dangerous with love. And even if you are not, you have family commitments you should be taking care of. Love is all well and good but in life we all know that you don't always get what you want so get a grip of yourself and put some distance between you and this lady!
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 Whoa! That last paragraph is full of faulty logic.
One: you and the other woman share the burden for creating chaos in each of your lives. YOU did not totally mess up her life. SHE has as much responsibility as you.
Two: making selfish decisions and having strong emotions for the other woman does not necessarily mean that you do not love your wife. Love is not "feelings". There are feelings associated with love, but love is far more complicated than a bunch of chemical reactions. Love is a decision. I know that does not sound romantic, but real love is not always romantic.
Three: The odds of you and the other woman living together happily ever after, even if Martians came and took your and her spouse away, are next to nil. Eventually, all the thrill that you two feel would diminish with all the details of real life. If you think what you have with her is "real love" because of the intense emotions, you have not yet learned what "real love" is. Do some research.
Four: You and the other woman do have a lot of healing and growing to do inside. You need to stay away from each other to do it, too.
Five: You need to move very slowly if any of your ideas are going to affect your kids.
Six: No one deserves to have a lonely life. Well, barring violent criminals ... but I digress. Your choices were selfish, true. That does not mean that you need to be flogged. It means that you're not thinking about the consequences of your choices. I think it would be a good idea to seek objective guidance from a professional. You need to sort yourself out.
Create your peace.
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