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I'm in love w/ someone other than my abusive husband - but I'm unsure about his actions, as well! Any advice?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 September 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2007)
A female India age 51-59, *ndrani writes:

I have a husband for 14 years. I loved him and was totally dutiful when i got married as arranged by my parents. He beat me sometimes on account of fights and left me helpless. I got fedup and promised to throw him out of my feelings but didnt divorce because we had 2 children.

Recently, i am in love with a guy 2 years younger to me and seems he loves me. He tells me he loves me. We have sex and it is satisfactory. But i dont have sex with my husband. I have disclosed about our relation and he has somehow accepted it and is sad but never frets me.

Now this man i want to marry. But i am sometimes in a fix because he is never agony aunt to me. He accuses me of my faults and never gives me a shoulder. I dont know whether he loves me or is just acting.

View related questions: divorce

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A female reader, leanne.od United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

leanne.od agony auntpersonally, i think you should divorce your abusive husband, there are no reasons or justifications for ever beating a women (or man) in a relationship.

and secondly i don't think you should get into another relationship with this man who claims to love you but has done nothing to help with your self esteem and confidence by telling you it's your fault.

you need time on your own, and with regards to your children, do ou want them thinking it is acceptable for a man to beat his wife? they need a stable environment to grow up in and you deserve to be treated better.

good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007):

if i were falling in love with a girl who got beat i def wouldn't blame it on her. My wife has provoked me so much a few times that I'll destroy things, but never touch her. We'll share the blame for that, but never would I say she was solely to blame for provoking me. He beat you, abused you, bottom line. Most guys see girls that get beat as vulnerable, especially if they put up with it and either they are nice about it or they aren't. If they aren't maybe it could be a sign this guy would do the same thing.

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