A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Don't know what to think or do anymore. April 7th, 2000 my wife left without a word. No note, no indications whatsoever. Took our kids and moved in with her boss where she stayed for a year and a half. Then she came back... my mistake but I still loved her. Now in 08 we are still together but she won't kiss me basically has no interest in me. It would literally emotionally kill our youngest son if I left her... but I'm so miserable it's not funny. The only real enjoyment in life anymore is spending time with the kids alone. I sincerely 'want' to love her... but how to do you love someone who obviously will not love you back? I try to talk to her about it but get dead silence, she won't talk. We don't argue but only because we've gotten to the point where all we do communicate about is the kids. Not that I wan't it that way it's the only thing she will talk about. What can I do????
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female
reader, oneeyeopenoneeyeclosed +, writes (31 August 2008):
Seek professional help. Find a good family therapist and go with your wife. Maybe there is something that you can still do to salvage your relationship and still see your kids every day. You still have hope.
A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (31 August 2008):
hiyah, its a horrible situation to be in and although you are doing your best to make it work if the other person has no intentions of doing so it just wont. its hard to hear i know but the fact that she no longer loves you stresses the point that a change should be made. its unfair for everyone in your house hold to carry on these living circumstances. sit down with your wife and tell her all of this, tell her how much you love her and want to save the relationship for the sake of the kids but for you two as people as well. remember all the good times and try to figure at what point did they go wrong? you might be one of the lucky ones thats strong enough to get through this or you may end up having to go your seperate ways for the sake of everyone.
You may feel you are hiding your unhappiness well but kids are good at picking up on these things and if you are as unhappy as you say you are your kids (as they get older) will see what you went through, the life you decided to lead for them, and will be happy that you got yourself out of a place you could no longer be in .
Its obvious your kids are your life but you cant live your life waiting for them to grow up and go and lead there own lives and then you leave. its not selfish at all for you to leave you need to start up your own life, including the kids. but if you cannot be with your wife you need to act on it now. you should be proud as a parent you have hung onto this for so long for the sake of your kids, they will see this one day and be just as proud.
i wish you the best of luck
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 August 2008):
Well then tell her that although you want to stay living as a couple for the kids, you think you should see each other as just house mates.
Once that pressure of "trying to make work" is off then she might actually be your friend again. Do you have a spare room you could move in to?
Live together in the same house but you don't have to be "together" to do that.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I think you should look at it this way:What would make you truly happy...?To leave your wife but still be able to see them once in a while alone. Or to stay miserable with the same woman and stay with your kids? I think that even your kids would understand that...explain it to them and tell them how much you love them. Or ask your wife why is she acting that way with you, she can't be doing all of this for no reason.
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