A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I had been seeing a guy for 5 months, during this time he treated me bad, but i put up with it because it was a new relationship and i thought things would improve and we could work things out. He has recently dumped me after ignoring my texts and phone calls and then told me by text that he has met someone else. This has left me feeling really down and depressed, i'm feeling lied to and cheated on. Right now i can't see how to carry on from this. I've had people tell me i should have read the signs and dumped him. Where are all the nice guys?? I find it very hard to trust people and open up to people and this guy has just left me feeling crushed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): Hi, sorry to hear about what happened. If you've just come out of a relationship where you feel you weren't treated as well as you should do then it is natural for you to feel the way you do. I think it is very important though to put this in the past.
It is worrying when you say "I find it very hard to trust people" and "open up to people" because these are the things you must be able to do if you want to have a successful and happy relationship with someone. Those who have distrust in men and are overly protective over their feelings do not find rewarding relationships because their fear will always work to protect you from having a good relationship. Give yourself time to get over this man but try and see the fault in him as an individual, rather than him as a sex. I feel you also need to spend time holding back from an emotional or physical relationship with a man until you do feel that you have a stronger capacity for trust and to completely open up to someone who feels trustworthy and safe. There are plenty of men who would be great for you, in the same way you are great for many men! You will start to feel much better soon, I am sure, all the best with whatever you decide to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): Hi sweetie, I haven't really got an answer to your problem but can assure you your not alone in how your feeling. I have zero faith in men these days to. I came out of a two month relationship a few weeks ago where the guy was ignoring texts, calls etc then out of the blue I got a text to say I was too good for him, he wasnt a nice man for me the usual crap!!!! I had my suspicions he had gone back to his ex and was proved right last weekend. This guy works at the pub I drink in on a Sunday night so I have to face him each time im in there and face the evil states off his ex/girlfriend I have decided not to let it get ot me even though its so hard that I end up going home to cry in private. Im starting to wonder are there any decent men out there, ones who arnt spinless want to take care of us and let us care for them. Also ones who dont just want to be mates, another complication in my life is that im in love with my male best mate but he doesnt want a relationship argh!!!!! Im in the same age group as yourself so at times I feel worse as though will I ever settle down. We will try and keep our chins up together chick. Good Luck xx
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