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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Why is it hard to accept or digest for me when someone is kind or nice to me? If it so happens, i become so much desperate to get more that i try to possess the person who was being kind and end up spoiling my relation with them. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 Hi there,
My Mother always taught me that when someone is kind or nice to you, show your appreciation with a "thank you". I also had problems accepting kindess, but this really simple little thing did the trick for me.
Your problem is you're pushing things too far. Or perhaps, not going far enough. Next time someone treats you kindly or does something nice to you, suck it all in and say, "thank you so much". It can end there. Remember the kindness with a smile every time you see that person. Don't seek out kindess, kindess will come to you.
I know it's hard to accept it when people are kind... sometimes it's hard to know what to do with a compliment or an act of sweetness... but a "thank you so much" and a smile will do.
xxIndia
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): You sound like a fellow who hasn't been treated well, in your past. Sometimes when we don't just trust people and they treat us nicely, we don't feel deserving of it. Once we do understand they are sincere , good people, one gets needy and manipulates more attention from this person who is giving. And from that neediness, comes the ability to drain, exhaust and use nice people, who do care. As all human relationships are based on mutual respect and givingness, eventually, other nice people clue in to your needy, emotional problem and they back off, fast. In my line of work, I have dealt with people like this often. They soon look to you (the nice person) to be soothing balm for their own hurts and pain. That's very unfair. Before getting into any type of interaction with other nice folk, do the work and learn to love yourself and have the confidence to give back to others. Self-confidence, self value--two very, very important aspects to have when dealing with others, in life. Do the work and you'll find..life changing in wonderful ways for yourself.
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A
male
reader, home_land  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 hello
i think every where there is burders and and you have to know how not to cross them ad you do that becouse you are
a nice and good person and you think that the nice person that you like is like you but you have to under stand that he or she got another kind of burder of kindness and this becouse your childhood get to do with it and i dontthin that was easy ,and tr not to be closed within your own world becouse whn you get to the open with others you cant go as far as you feel or thin ,
good luck
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