A
male
age
36-40,
*ystery_guest85
writes:My Girlfriend is extreamly atractive to me... and yet I'm worried. I can be completely in the mood, and both of us really getting into it... and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I go limp. Either durring sex or before. She say's that's not normal, and I need to seek help... Answers, anyone? I kind of wonder, is it normal? Is there something wrong with me? I'm very scared for myself, and our relationship... she feels like we cant do anything any more, for fear of it happenning again. I don't know what to think. Someone please help me :-/
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): LOL, talk about a classic case of performance anxiety!Change the scene. Do some role playing, and get your mind off of your performance in the sack. Have a little fun and spend a lot more time on the leading up to the act.In point of fact, I recommend that the two of you find a hot tub, give one another massages, and just let it flow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): Hey there!
It's anxiety. Believe me. The problem is it gets to be a vicious cycle. It can be tricky to break, but the main thing is you have to stop pressuring yourself, and your girlfriend has to stop pressuring you too. It IS normal to happen from time to time. The more you have sex with someone the more likely it can be that you will have times like that. Tell her not to talk about it, and you can pleasure her in other ways. Get really good at using your fingers and tongue and learn to drive her nuts that way. The problem will go away, and the guy'll be working again. Your girlfriend needs to go on dearcupid and learn that this is normal, and that her making comments will not help at all.
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A
female
reader, mummymeme  +, writes (2 May 2007):
Hi Sweetie, Worrying is the last thing you should do! it makes it worse!!! Think to yourself if you are stressed, feeling a little down - worrying about things is so typical of this problem. if this is the case try the following: try taking the heat off a little, suggest this game to your girlfriend; make a rule not to have any sexual contact for at least a week with your girlfriend, just spending time together going out together and being in eachothers arms kissing moving onto passionatly, the second week move onto getting to know eachothers bodies again through stroking and massage, this will drive you both mad with passion eventually, but dont break the rule; the third week she will need more from you so move onto giving her oral and nothing more serious, the forth its your turn to join in; but nothing penatritive! by the fith week try moving onto full sexual contact. Above all slow things down, this will help you both to stop worrying!
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (2 May 2007):
 Hi, don't worry too much about this, it happens to guys from time to time. You're probably so focused on trying not to loose your erection and trying to please your partner that you are putting too much pressure on yourself and thus you go "soft". Focus on the feeling when you're penetrating her. Ask her to talk about what she's feeling and how good your penis feels inside her. You do the same back, talk about the act, during the act. If you masturbate too much this might be effecting things too so cut down on this. It's not really fair of her to put all the blame on you, sex is between two people so she should also make an effort not to hurt your feelings. Basically you just have to relax and enjoy. I'm sure things will improve. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): I think the guys may back me up on this.
You may be going limp because the anticipation is so high that your done before you begin.
It does happen to many guys and its not abnormal. Perhaps you should try not having sex to start with, but start with a little petting, and eventually work your way up to having full on sex.
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