A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The situation is this: I'm dating an extremely busy guy, who has a lot of things going on in his life right now. I don't really know what to "call" our situation. He kissed me on the head (I don't know what this means. People claim that it's a sign of affection others say it's not a good sigh, meaning he just wants to be friends. In any case, I thought it was pretty darn cute). He doesn't text or call me often anymore. When he does have a day-off, he doesn't bother to see me at least for a couple of hours if not minutes (I just assume that if you really like someone you would plan to see them or talk to them no matter what). But he wanted to meet up last week after weeks of not seeing each other. I don't know what to make of this. I'm not sure if he is still interested or he just want to hang out "as friends".Maybe I'm over analyzing this too much. But I was wondering, what do you guys think of my situation? Should I just let him go? Does he want be friends? Do guys kiss female friends on their head often? SOrry for all these questions! hehe! Oh, and the dating rule about men texting first, giving him the impression that he's chasing the girl, I want to text him and greet him a great day, considering what he's going through right now (nothing drastic or anything, just a hectic life). Should I text him first? Would he think I'm not worth pursing after? Thanks for the help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): The situation is that you are just dating this guy. You are not in a relationship with him, you are not his girlfriend. Hiss kiss on the head doesn't mean anything except a sign of affection, don't over analyze that.
The only mistake you are making here is putting your focus on HIM and trying to analyze his every move. The bottom line is he is not exclusive with you, he is a busy guy so if you are willing to hang in there for the off chance that it is your day on the rotation than go for it.
But why the heck aren't you focusing on YOU and what makes you happy? Clearly you are not satisfied with how this is budding or not budding into a romance, so why aren't you out keeping your heart open to other men? You may meet someone else who will make the time for you and you alone, but you certainly aren't going to find your happily ever after waiting by the phone for this guy.
Personally, I never text a date, it is the lowest level of communication, the least amount of effort a guy will put in to keep you on the string. If he isn't interested in you he will keep texting you, if he likes you he will call you on the phone and talk to you, he will ask you out on a date, not just a quick hour, but an acutal date.
So if he isn't doing it for you, why the heck are you worrying about what it is he is doing and why? There are other men who will make time for you.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (8 October 2009):
Well, I'm getting the vibe that this relationship is basically some companionship when it's convenient for him, which of course isn't very fair to you. I wouldn't say he's not interested in YOU but he just may not be emotionally available or commitmentphobic due to what's going on in his life right now. Personally, I think that men want to help provide in a relationship and if he feels that he can't then he won't try very hard to pursue a relationship even if he is interested in a woman. Even if some things that I have read say differently, I've been in the situation where I was interested in a guy but not a relationship because I had other things I needed to take care of.
As far as forehead kissing--that's all it is. Personally I don't think it has any meaning behind it besides that yes, he was being affectionate towards you. I also don't really believe a guy hangs around a woman too often just because he wants to be "friends" with her.
In all honesty, I think the stupid "rules" and game playing goes out the window when you need to decide if you need to move on or not. As scary as it may be, I think you should ask him to be honest with you and tell you if he's interested in you or not...is he just trying to take things slow or is this just a friendship to him? If he tells you that he's not interested in a relationship with you right now, definitely don't get angry at him as we're all entitled to our own feelings. Just thank him for his honesty and then it can be easier for you to move on because you're not going to be wondering what's going on in his mind. You can't worry too much about screwing things up by texting him first being that things aren't just perfect and you don't want to screw them up in the first place.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 I think you need to ask him straight if you're 'going out' or not. If you don't see each other for weeks, and never have sex, then I can't see what kind of relationship this is? Pretty useless to you, I'd have thought. You need to clarify things with him. If he is just busy, ok, but what's the plan? /When are you to see each other? Kissing on the head is a nice thing - sign of affection. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to have sex with y ou. Means he doesn't JUST want you for sex - means he feels affectionate towards you as well. This is good. But not if that's all you get, and only once every 6 weeks ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): ok listen up hun, in todays world, you dont have to wait to text a man!! If you have his phone number text him. You ever thought that he might think your not that keen? Afterall you havent text or really called him?
Just because someone is busy does not mean they dont want what everyone else has ' a life '
Kissing on the head thing, dont put it down to him just wanting to be friends, he may really like you but dare not start anything too big as he is so busy.
Be a dare devil, text him good morning. See how it goes, by texting him you will at least show you are keen. Then if his not keen im sure you will find out soon enough.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): In a relationship, love is not equal. From you, I feel that you love him much more than he on you. If you really want this to work, takes thing easier, try to make him love you more and don't love him too much. When it bounce back, it might hurts you severely.
Never contact him too often just because he doesn't look for you. Yes, if he really likes you, there will be NO reason he can't make time for you. Even brain surgeon have the time.
Or you can talk to him how you feel. He will make changes if he cares about you.
At least for me, kiss on head is a sign the guy love you so much.
If nothing changed, sorry to say he is just not that into you. You should move on because someone like you deserve people who love you more.
I was on your side several times and they all started to take it for granted. Now I feel love is like a game, pull the string too tight, it breaks
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 You say you're dating but then you don't actually see him or talk to him often...are you actually dating or is that what you think? Anyway, you are right when you say that if people want to make the time they will. If he was genuinely wanting to pursue something with you he would make the time and the effort. Just because he wanted to meet up last week doesn't mean much...his other actions, in him not being available, tell you much more.
As for the head kiss...don't read ANYTHING into that. Everyone is different and things like that have no meaning at all, we just want to read into things because we are confused about the situation.
When you talk about texting first and dating rules it gives me the impression that you are not yet comfortable with him to pick up the phone and call him...are you at the early stages of dating him? If so, and he's this busy then I'd say his priorities are somewhere else.
Please don't fall for his too busy crap, he wouldn't be that busy if he really wanted you, trust me. I feel as if he's trying to 'lose you' without having to man up and tell you...perhaps he's hoping you'll get the hint.
If I was you and you guys have been dating (not gone on a feww dates) I would call him and ask him what you two are. You can't waste your time wondering and waiting to see what he's on about. He's cooled down and I don't think he'll be warming up anymore. But for your own sake you need to ask him and clear things up.
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