A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Am confused about my new boyfriend's penis coz I think it's not hard enough. We haven't had any penetration sex yet but have had oral sex and what worries me is that the hardest he's been is far lower than my ex boyfriends. I know that with the two men I dated before, their dicks were always stood out at a 90 degree angle when they were standing up on their feet. But with my new boy friend, it doesn't matter whether he's erect or not, it's always pointing down which to me seems to indicate how weak it is! It's really soft to the touch and I dont know how to begin talking about it!Also, he sometimes seems like he's pulling away from making a relationship even though he says he loves me and wants to start a family and wants the relationship! Could his erection be the cause to this?He is 41 years old but says he's only ever slept with one woman and that was just twice and explains he's had no time or relationships before which also gets me thinking.Please help.
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erection, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Try Viagra, it will make him as hasrd as a broomstick and restore his sexual confidence. Honest it works
A
male
reader, RyanS +, writes (22 May 2010):
 I disagree with people here who are saying just one previous partner at 41 is not possible. I know many guys of this type. Often they are more god fearing. Other than that, they are as smart as anyone else, including being the top guys at work.
So please don't doubt his sexual past/orientation just yet. Try to get the hardness back, and then see how your couple takes off.
Btw, one other possibility is that of abuse when he was a kid which has left a deep impact on his mind. Please probe this gently by asking about his views of sex, what is a good age to start, etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thank you so much for your answers. They have given me big insight into this. Now I've got an idea of what to look out for and do.Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Possible causes:
1. He's gay.
2. He's not that into you.
3. He's self-conscious/stressed.
4. He has a physical problem.
5. He has a masturbation/porn addiction.
6. He's on some medication that kills sex drive.
You could roll a dice, or you could talk about it with him. Don't be judgmental though, or you could make him feel defensive.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (20 May 2010):
Some of them do just point down but if he does have problems being able to actually have sexual intercorse then he should see a doctor. You'll probably find years ago a woman brought it up and embaressed him and so he is now scared of sexual relationships. or maybe he has got a problem and scared to see a doctor. if he is unable to have sexual intercorse then send him to the doctors but if you do decide to speak with him about it then dont make it sound like he is strange or disformed because it is likely to make it worse for him.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
 GMTA!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 I think he's gay too. Sorry. Maybe he doesn't want to be or his family is pressuring him to have children, but whatever it is, he's not into sex with a woman.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
Q's got a point, really.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
I hate to say it again in such a short time but I think Q is on to something. Unless this guy was a priest and left the priesthood? Two times by the age of 41? There is something going on here that has nothing to do with his penis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Does he have high blood pressure or is he on medication?
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A
male
reader, RyanS +, writes (20 May 2010):
Yes, its a case of weak erection, but today we have medicines for everything. Basically blood flow into the penis is not happening to its full potential. A pill like viagra is aimed to give firmer/harder erections, which is what you want.
Tell him next time in bed that its not hard and tell that it should be solved with pills, like thousands of others men have done. He is not alone in this otherwise Viagra wouldn't have made billions in sales. Take some action otherwise you will not be satisfied and it will show in your mood soon!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
Maybe he broke it?
41, sex with one woman only twice? That sounds a little odd, missy. I'm wondering just how accurate that really is.
Not all equipment looks the same. There's different sizes, shapes, and girths. Some point north, maybe his just points south.
I wouldn't be too quick to assess a relationship based upon the tensile strength of a hard on, though. I don't believe that's a good indicator.
Do you really believe there's a good reason to bring up his lack of a good, solid woody? Is it getting the job done, respectably? If so, I'd give it some time before you begin asking him about what you perceive as the whole wind sock problem. You run the risk of finding out just why he's so limited in sexual contact. Don't make him feel self-conscious about it. Guys take that stuff pretty serious and don't forget it easily.
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