A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years I am 26 he is 25. I met him right after a previous serious relationship with a person I had a child with. My daugther was three months old when we met through work and we hit it off really well. Our relationship is relly good even with a few ups and downs.But after two years I have been continually asking my boyfriend to make some form of real commitment to me. Because he is getting close to not only me but my daughter who doesnt have a realtionship with her biological father he keeps saying ok but never does. I have made a lot of sacrifices for him. I cut off a lot of people he didn't want me to have contact with and everything. But there is more he is white and I'm black and during the beginning of our relationship he hid the fact he was dating me from a lot of people. HE still to this day hides our relationship from his parents whom he still lives with. He says they are racist. Lately he has been really cold and acts like he doesn't care about me at all. Should I just move on??? and just cut my losses?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): If he's hiding you because of your race,then that means that he's ashamed of you.He may say he's not,but he is.Even
if his parents are racist,he still would have the courage
and audacity to introduce you.If he acts like he doesn't
care about you,then you should leave him.There are more and more couples who are in a bi-racial relationship.So his
parents should get over it!I don't think you should make
any sacrifices for someone until you know that that person
truly loves you and would be willing to do the same for you.
A
male
reader, WizardOfWaz  + ♥, writes (3 June 2008):
 As an active anti-racist campaigner I'm pretty sympathetic to your boyfriends dilemna. Racists are just Nazis with their civilian clothes on, the amount of physical and mental damage they inflict on others should never be underestimated.
A couple of years back a newspaper published an article about the success of an anti-racism project I and some others had institigated in our community. They also published my email address, so I was treated to an almost daily bombardment of hate mail which included over 100 ebomb and virus attacks, plus some poetic descriptions such as "white n*gger", "jew c*cksucker" and "hope you die of cancer you f*cking pakki-loving traitor".
Such charming prose does not bother me one jot, neither did the regular "death threats" or even the rarer face-to-face confrontations with the more extreme racial fascists. But it does give you an insight into how deep and entrenched these bigots are in their views.
And you want your boyfriend to give you a little piece of that action? Are you so naive to believe you can have a civlised "meeting" with your lads parents without them giving you a little taste of what racists are and what racists do?
Are you really surprised that your man is nervous to be seen with you given that he comes from such a hostile home environment? He needs more understanding and support than condemnation. It is not his fault his parents are KKK mutants, he is just as much a victim of their nasty views as their chosen targets are.
You are free to choose whether you want to help him cope with it or not. Or you can do what most are advising you to do here and just run away from the problem. It's up to you and your own conscience.
Regards
Waz
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A
female
reader, Sange +, writes (3 June 2008):
My husband and I celebrated our 7th anniversary on May 30, 2008. I am black and he is white. When a person loves you, he is proud to be with you, eager to introducee to everyone, including his family, and cannot bear to think he will lose you. Be confident and move on. A woman need never ask more from a man who has good intentions. A woman need never wonder about the affections of a man who cares for her. He consistently makes his intentions clear. Best regards for a happy life with Mr. Right.
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A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (20 May 2008):
He's ashamed of you! DUMP him now!
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (18 May 2008):
 i dont think you should move on though just ask him your question of what u been thinking
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (4 April 2008):
you should not care or your partener care what others think even if it the parents and if you have a house you should probably ask if you wanna join the gain and livee with you and if he is being cold ask why is he being cold?
if he loves you he would tell his parents thats he is dating a african american. peace out :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): I agree with everyone, move on and let him be, he isn't worth it.
What he needs to do, if he really wants you, is to come clean with his parents, take the heat from them, then tell them why your so special to him. If they don't come around, then he needs to move on from his parents; including friends. Yes the friends will talk, but they will get over it, and those that don't, weren't friends anyways.
Good luck, and talk to him first before you make the final decision! This could be really hard on your child if you permit relationships to drag on and then break up, the child usually wonders if it was because of them, so good communication between you and the child is important to, always be open and honest with your child, they for the most part, are smarter then we are, if you let them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Why is it that you need for strangers to tell you what you obviously already know what you need to do? Move on sweetie and stop pretending, stop hoping and stop wishing that this can't be happening....because it is.
Move on to a better life. Stop thinking with your heart and loins and start thinking with your head.
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (3 April 2008):
 You definitely deserve better. He hasn't really grown up, and he still lives with the parents. He is likely using using you, and the excuse that his parents are racists is not going to cut it. Maybe they are, but what if they aren't? I would definitely ask youself why you stayed with him for a long time.
You need to move on and find a better man. A man that will not hide anything from his parents and is willing to open and give the world to you.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (3 April 2008):
 You know what you should do, it's just that you don't want to give up on him, because you've grown to love the man.
But he has just been using you.
You deserve and can do so much better than him!
He is not man enough to be proud of his relationship with you, so what example could he ever be to your children?
Leave him, darling. You're wasting your time after a looser!
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, vsnod + ♥, writes (3 April 2008):
 Move on and cut your losses. Also, you need to ask yourself why you decided to stay with him for such a long time when he hid your relationship from his parents. Having racist parents is not an excuse. He sould have gotten out of their house and out from under their control if that was the case. He doesn't sound like a mature man. You deserve better for yourself and your child.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x + ♥, writes (3 April 2008):
 It seems like he's taking his parents' views to me, so I would drop him. If he has to hide you from his parents then he's not worth it, is he? You should be proud of who you are with and not hide them from the world. If you really want a relationship that's secret, go for it, but if you would like him to actually make some kind of commitment to you then move on, since he'll only do what his parents think is right.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (3 April 2008):
 It is very sad in this day and age that people have their nasty narrow minded prejudices about someone's colour of skin.
The world would be a weird place if we all had the same colour skin, I think if anything your boyfriend is racist himself, because he is ashamed of showing you off to his family. I find this very disheartening and very insulting to say the least. I think you should find a man who loves you no matter what colour, creed or race and show you how beautiful you are to the whole world.
Kick this narrow minded insulting little jerk to the kerb, my dear. Dusky xxx
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