A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 24 years old and just moved back home about seven months ago after being in a 5 year abusive relationship. I've been in a new relationship for about 3 months now. I thought we hit it off. I told him a little about my situation. But recently he has been making me feel bad about myself. He has a great job and dose well for himself. Im afriad to drive so my Mom takes me to look for jobs and agreed to be my ride when I get one. My new guy said to me " If you want this relationship to be better you need to drive so you can see me on weekdays,It costs me a lot of money to come get you.You live far away and sometimes I have things to do on my days off." This really hurt my feelings. I told him Im trying.My sis says he is cheap and lazy, I'm worth every penny and to dump him.He also never takes me anywhere we just go to his house and he smokes pot outside and we have sex then he takes me home the next day. What do you think is this, just another guy who is going to hurt me?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Hi, I'm happy for you that you're out of an abusive relationship, good for you!
I'd like to separate the two issues you presented here. One is the new boyfriend and the other is being afraid to drive.
Let's tackle the being afraid to drive thing. Do you have a drivers license or do you rely on your mom to take you everywhere? I ask because your mother will not be able to chauffeur you around everywhere all the time; it's a bit unrealistic to expect that to work for the longterm. In the short term, of course, you can rely on her, but you'll need to handle driving at some point unless you live in a town with excellent public transportation nearby. If you do have a drivers license, maybe you can work on some of your driving skills with your mom helping, or find another friend to practice with.
Annalisa is correct that it's unfair to put all the burden of meeting up on the new boyfriend.
Which brings up the next issue... are you really sure you're ready for a new boyfriend so soon after coming out of an abusive relationship? I just wonder if getting serious with someone so soon after moving home is the right thing for you at the moment. And the new guy sounds like he likes his pot; do you like this too? There are lots of men out there who might be more suited to you, if you tie yourself down too early, you might miss a really good guy!
I sorry if this sounds too blunt, but I think you should be working on developing your independence and driving skills, finding a good job for yourself, and building self-esteem, rather than tying yourself down to a new boyfriend right away.
All the best.
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