A
female
age
30-35,
*nna11
writes:Things have been very confusing for me lately, I just started University, one of my best friends abandoned our ten year friendship for a guy that she knew I liked (who I was also friends with) over the summer, my grandmother is very ill and despite all my amazing friends there's times where I feel unbearably lonely.The problem is that recently I've found a lot of comfort in a guy I was friends with but got a lot closer to during the Summer, he's always been there for me and he makes it clear that he cares about me and now I think that there may be a possibility that there's something more than friendship occurring.Unfortunately, I've always been really good at getting guy-friends and in the past I've always run a mile from a guy-friend who wanted more, in fear of losing their friendship. This time is different, I really want something to happen and he gives a lot of signs to show interest - like playing with my hair, stroking my face, taking my hands etc etc (nothing sexual, it's not like that) - but I'm worried that I'm just so desperate for some comfort and care that I'll jump into a relationship without thinking about how it'll effect our friendship.I love him so much and I could settle for either the great friendship we have now or maybe more, but I'm worried than in the long run my trust issues and relationship problems will kick back and our friendship will just fall apart. I really need him in my life, is it likely that my feelings have been blurred by everything that's happened recently or do you think this could actually work for the best? Sometimes it seems like it took everything to get us to this point.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Well ask yourself this - are you just lonely and would be happy to meet any guy so you could have a boyfriend? Or cant you imagine being with anyone else and only want to be with him?
If you think it is the first option then no, getting into a relationship with him would be a bad idea because you just want the comfort rather than a relationship with a person you really care about.
Whereas if it is the second option then yes you do have real feelings for this guy and there is no harm in taking a chance on having a relationship with him. If you really cannot imagine being with anyone else, if he is all you think about, if he is the only guy you want and other guys just dont even compare then he is not just comfort, he is a lot more. Sometimes you just have to take a risk and give something a go because you never know, it might be the best thing you ever did. Yes you might one day break up and lose him as a friend - but then again you might be together for years and years, in a relationship with your best friend.
It is a big risk but life is nothing without risk. A relationship based on friendship is probably the best type you can have - you already have a strong foundation of trust and communication, two of the most important things in a relationship. Yes at times you will argue and fall out, you will both have insecurities and issues that will cause problems. But that friendship that already exists will mean that you can always talk to each other because that is something you are comfortable doing. As long as you can always talk to each other when something is wrong then you are going to be fine - lack of communication is in 99% of relationship breakdowns the cause of the problem.
If you love him and want to be with him then just go for it! Imagine if you dont even try; how hard will it be to go throughout the rest of your life wondering "what if?" Life is a risky business, trusting your heart in the hands of someone else is one of the biggest risks you can take but it is also one risk than can pay off big time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 At least you recognise the difference of this relationship versus previous guy friendships! If you had had feelings of love with every guy you met, I'd say that you were hungry for comfort like you said, but you see this as different, and it could be.If you love and trust this guy as you say you do, you should be able to confide your feelings to him, say that you've had trust issues before but don't want them to complicate the relationship you two have and therefore ruin it. I'd say go for it, standing back and just being friends might stop you from having a possible excellent relationship! It's okay to get hurt, we heal (eventually!) and it's worth taking some risks here and there.
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