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I'm a married woman with a huge crush on my married boss

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Forbidden love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 April 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Im a married woman who has a huge crush on my boss who is also married

I know its wrong but I can't stop I think about him all day now im even picturing him while im "with" my husband I feel like if I tell him I will get it off my chest and get over it maybe stop obsessing so much but what if he likes me too?? I don't think I can say no... Any advice?

View related questions: crush, crush on my boss, married woman, my boss

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to all those who offered your opinions and advice. After a lot of thought I have decided to keep my crush to myself and keep my friendship with my boss which will be a lot funner than a dramtic affair which could leave me hurt and make work awkward. Im not gonna lie I will continue to flirt and fantasize im only human!

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A female reader, ErinPatterson United States +, writes (5 April 2009):

ErinPatterson agony auntIts tough when its your boss. If the feeling is not mutual it could be embarrassing to say the least. If it is mutual I would not want to work with him or for him anymore..sticky situation..and if you are both married we all know its "wrong". so saying that in a perfect world one should let it go..but seeing as we dont live in a "perfect world". I would try to rekindle things with the hubby..ya know maybe get reaquained with each other and such..I mean its not wrong to fantasize..its normal..but if you are obsessing and well give teh rekindling a chance maybe..

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A female reader, my_10_cents  +, writes (5 April 2009):

For me the question is not do you want to pursue a relationship with another man, it is whether you want to end your relationship with your current one?

If you do want to split from your husband, you should be pursuing this irrespective of whether you get it on with your boss or not. Tell him today that it's over between you. Tell him you have feelings for somebody else and that you want him to be able to experience a new relationship too with someone is isn't lying and cheating on him.

If that seems shocking to you, and you don't want to split from your husband at all, you need to get a grip of yourself and stop acting like a teenager with a crush on the teacher.

Realise that the feelings you may perceive as having for your boss are in fact a wake up call as to something you are missing in your marriage - whether that is romance, attention, whatever. Just because you have those feelings, doesn't mean you should act on them. Be grateful you have been given an opportunity to put things right with your husband before hitting the self destruct button.

To ease your crush, actively start to see your boss in a new light. He is only human and will have many faults and irritating behaviours that you are simply dismissing at the moment or think are cute. Really notice what these are and allow yourself to be irritated by them and him. Look for the bad stuff and let it put you off. Distance yourself from him in work, make a concious effort only to talk about professional matters and if he tries to get into personal talk, back out quickly and be proud of yourself that you did it. When you do look at him, see the devastation that would fall to your mutual spouses/children beacause you were both selfish. Take off the rose-tinted spectacles and see that this fantasy is exactly that - pure imagination that is totally not worth it.

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (5 April 2009):

lotus mama808 agony auntYou are married, yet have feelings for another man, and still make love with your husband? Huh. Anyway, crushes are perfectly capable of diong just that....crushing us. When you are married, especially, you have something huge to lose, and I have always felt that we always want what we cant have. If you tell your boss how you feel, and something actually begins there, you'll probably lose that roller coaster, butterflies in the tummy feeling you had for him and start missing your husband, who will then be completely over the idea of being with you. I think that if you tell your boss, the fun of having a crush on him will disappear, and you will regret it. You obsess over it because he is the forbidden fruit, and the idea is exiting. Maybe you should put more energy into making your marriage more exciting again, instead of focusing on this other man. (That is unless you are very unhappy with the marriage, and were planning on ending it anyway, which I assumed wasnt the case because you are still sleeping with your husband).

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