A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a little background: I'm a male virgin who's never been kissed and I've only been on one date. I'm usually the friend, not the boyfriend type. I still am friends with girls I've met and befriended. However it is a little frustrating being the hopeless romantic and never being more than just the friend.How can I be more than just a friend? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (27 April 2018):
I’m not sure what you mean by hopeless romantic but I suspect it has something to do with being a nice guy. Stop being so nice. I’m not saying be an a-hole but women a man who is a man. Stop trying to be their friend. Stop deferring to them all the time. See how that works out for you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 April 2018):
 Women are not attracted to hopeless romantic guys. Although they want to be romanced, something deep in them believes that relationships are not a guy's domain. A guy should be focused on his career and his passions. A woman wants a man to treat her nice and be romantic, but at first he should be a masculine in his core. It's kind of asking for the impossible but without attraction, nothing can start. You can be romantic, but not a hopeless one. That's not to say you don't have personal interests or career goals. But if hopeless romantic is how you describe yourself and it's the vibe you give out, maybe that's why girls aren't interested and just assume that you have nothing to offer but romantic ideals. If you want to impress a girl, don't say you are romantic and impress her with romantic gestures because some girls might think that's what desperate guys do, and that any girl who accept their advances would do. Girls like guys who are interesting, have an edge of mystery and not act like there's a scarcity of women who would accept him. There's nothing attractive about a man whose mission is to lose his virginity by a certain age. His focus should be on his career development and his interests. A woman is just complimentary and a supportive role in his life, not the main thing that gives him approval.
...............................
A
female
reader, WantingOut +, writes (26 April 2018):
I had a high school friend that became a best friend then he told me he had feelings for me , I was to afraid to lose the friendship that we had that I put him in the friend zone forever.
As awesome as being friends first gem dating sounds maybe you shouldn’t get to comfortable with girls first. Of course be friendly but don’t get in the friend zone.
As for the virgin thing I think a lot of girls will find that hott ?? so don’t stress over that
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2018):
 I think one thing you could try is talk to some of these female friends you know and ASK them. They know you WAY better than any of us here on DC.
The fact that you "collect" guy who basically rejected you makes you a "better" friend than potential mate.
Is your approach to befriend girls, to get to know them BEFORE asking them out on a date? And because you go the friend "route" they NEVER see you as a romantic option but as a friend only?
If that is your approach it might be WHY you end up with friends and not a GF.
Also, WHERE do you meet these women/girls?
What are you looking for in a partner? Are you more concerned with a girl being "pretty" rather than her personality?
What do you have to offer?
Being a virgin is REALLY not offensive or important. ( I know it is to you because you think being a virgin at your age is something shameful, it isn't. All it means is that you haven't YET had sex.. THAT is it) When I say, what do you have to offer? Obviously you can carry a conversation or the girls you meet wouldn't stay friends with you. But what else?
What do you enjoy in life - like hobbies, life-style, career, hopes and dreams?
Finding a partner who SHARES some of your likes can be a much better match than someone who just have a shade of blond or brown hair you like. Because you will have things to talk about, things to DO together, things to bond over.
How good are you with personal hygiene?
Yes, personal hygiene matters. Daily or every other day showers. Clean teeth, smelling clean, clean clothes - it's something women notice.
How do you like to dress? Do your hair?
You might say WHY does it matter?
Maybe you dress like you don't care, or like you did when you were 12.. Maybe you have the same bowl cut as you did from age 8.. Do you see where I'm going? Maybe updating your LOOK can help too.
Girls, do the most choosing when it comes to mates and partners. That is a fact. So knowing what they girls YOU went for but ended up being rejected by, likes can help. that is why I said, ASK some of your female friends.
Being a hopeless romantic sounds good in books, but in reality? It can EASILY translate to cheesy, fake or just "WTF"?!
There was a guy in his 50's (who wrote in to DC) who thought it would be SUPER romantic to drop fake rose petals on the ground and do a little dance for his date...
Now, for some that READS (think romance novel) very romantic but that kind of stuff doesn't always TRANSLATE in to BEING romantic.
Sometimes these gestures just seems over the top and more like "acting" than genuine.
And being hopeless? Well, that is never good, is it?
My advice is talk to female friends. GO over yourself a little critical (see what you might need to update from your teen years, clothes, hairstyle, glasses, maybe even fitness - working out is good. Good for your self-esteem, your skin, your energy and your body). (and no, not saying you now have to go work weights like crazy to get a girl, you should do it for YOU!)
If you meet a girl you fancy (in lack of a better word) ASK her out, don't befriend her. IF he turns you down, TAKE it with grace and move on. Try another girl. Not right away of course don't be a "date-me pest either).
If you have done online dating, try some meetup get together and see who you can meet.
MAKE some MALE friends too. A guy with a lot of female friends is not as big of a catch as you might think. Because it CAN make you look like a player, or wanna-be player. Both not going to land you a date or GF.
If you are tight on funds, look at thrift stores for updating your wardrobe. If you are not tight on funds, again maybe ask one of your female friend to help you update your look.
I know my whole posts seems like you totally have to change you, in order to find a GF. But to attract a mate you might have to ADJUST a few things. Obviously what you are doing now, isn't working.
You are still you. And should STILL be you, but that doesn't mean you can't "modernize" yourself a little.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2018): I wish I was still a virgin.Needless to say, I'm still a hopeless romantic and by jingo, it's not called hopeless for nothing!I met a 60 year old virgin man not so long ago and he had no problem trying it on with me, yet on the other hand he was a friendly man. I was trying to be all pure at the time so wanted him to just be a friend, we kinda clashed! And I can see why.I think a woman would really respect you being a virgin, they're hard to come by these days and I think you should just wait and see, be patient and don't ever stop being a friend, this is what gets you to real places... Maybe God has other plans for you.You're one in a million and you should be proud of yourself. This world is all about sex and so it's so refreshing to know that you are out there being a friend. If the right girl/woman comes along I believe it will all pan out. If you're all romantic like a big cuddly bear then you need the right one for you who will adore that and is worthy of your (don't hate me) purity.Don't panic. You're doing fine!
...............................
|
