| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been really depressed for the past few years due to my lack fo love life.I'm now 19 years old, and only had my first kiss a few weeks ago, and that was only a one off snog when out on the lash. I'm still a virgin, and when my friends, who are a few years younger than me, talk about their sexual encounters, it makes my really depressed. The fact they are only 16/17 makes me feel like i've missed something.I feel like the only one out there, this old, without any experience. Any help...?
View related questions:
depressed, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): i am also a 19 yr old virgin and it is really hard. Just because of the fact your thinking it will never happen if you have gone this long. I never get much chance to meet many women so i blame it on that mostly and try and keep a good look on things but i know how your feeling.
Just take life as it goes, if it works out which youve got plenty of time in life left to see then good lMain thing is your not the only one
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): hey..so what if you're still a virgin..thats good..the older you are the better the sex..besides those 14-16 year olds having sex they are just young hoes..no offence to anyone..but its nothing but the truth..they like a guy think he cute then they think they are "o soooo in love" that they do it with all the guys they think they "Fell in love wit" but come on now..what guy falls in love at the ages 14-16?!!!!!!! commen sence..thats good that your 19 and a virgen..you should find someone atleast 2 to 3 years older then you get to know them ect..then when its right then you do it :) oh and im a 16 year old virgin..but i know how everything is like cuz im that person that sees things happan and i learn from it. abd yea its alittle embarrasing when someone younger is talking about their "sex life" while your there and cant agree with anything..but dont worry at least your not a hoe and someone will notice you soon
when you least expect it.
...............................
A
female
reader, xXx helper XxX +, writes (1 January 2007):
 hey hunni ur not missing out in anything when u have ur first time its ment 2 b really good because ur doing it with the 1 u love but other girls that just do it because there getting older and there friends have done it but after they think it was good yeah but i didnt even lek the guy theres no point of doing that u do it when YOU n only u r ready cos mr rite is out there and wont it b nice 2 remember that ur first time was with sm1 that cared 4 u nd u cared 4 them bk that just a shag 4 the sake of it xxxxhope iv helped hunni nd soz if i havent cos im new at this lol xxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, xNatx +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Hey, no trust me your not missing out, it is best to wait until you have found the right person, i wish i had im 16 and 16 weeks pregnant now id rather be a virgin than be a 16 yr old single mum. When you go out with your mates dont take any notice of what they are talking about and just enjoy yorself go and talk to some girls and see if anything grows from a chat you never no you might find someone that is also a virgin, but when you are talking to people dont be ashamed to tell them you are a virgin it is nothing to be ashamed of if they dont like you because of that then they are obviously not worth it! Hope this helps. xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (30 December 2006):
 First of all forgive me but I'm not sure if you're a guy or a girl cos of what pete said but I think you're a guy and am going to answer as such. So sorry if I'm mistaken :)
You're not missing out. It's not like you're never going to do it. It might have felt like you were never going to have your first kiss and that happened so it's just a matter of time.
I'm assuming a bit here but from the way you've phrased things in your question it sort of seems like you haven't "chosen", as such, to be a virgin. Things just sort of played out that way. Oppurtunity hasn't come up or at least not one that you would take up. Maybe you've kept to standards like not taking advantage of anyone who's drunk or depressed and if that's the case then the fact that you're a virgin speaks much more highly of your character than if you had taken advantage of those situations.
Sorry to hear that you feel like the last 19 yr old virgin around but honestly you're not. Far from it. People are often surprised when they eventually find out that I'm a virgin. I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's cos I seem pretty socially relaxed and a fair amount of people find me attractive. But what I'm really trying to say is that there are a lot of people who are virgins who you might not expect to be.
Usually if I'm in a social situation with people I don't know that well or amn't altogether comfortable with and people start talking about sex and whatever and people start turning to me I'll just give them "a lady doesn't kiss and tell" with a knowing smile or the like. Sometimes people will push for details but after a bit they realise you aren't going to say a word and they get bored of asking and they'll just make whatever assumptions they make. My friends know I'm a virgin, just everyone else doesn't have to.
In a way it's harder for guys cos there's a whole load of macho crap about trying to score as many women as possible. A lot of exageration about sexual experience goes on (true of both sexes and annoying as hell) and you really have no way of knowing how much is just talking bull. Honestly, being a girl I don't know how to deal with all that macho crap and how to get them to lay off if they're being jerks about things so I'm going to leave that to someone else.
Really whether or not being a virgin is a positive or a negative is all in your own perception. I'm glad I'm still a virgin cos I'm still experimenting with my sexuality for myself so by the time I do find a guy who I actually like enough to want a sexual relationship I'll have some idea of what turns me on. I'm also glad that I haven't rushed into it. I haven't actually found that I feel enough respect for let alone finding someone who I feel respects me and my body enough to want to sleep with them.
Try to not get too hung up on the whole concept of being a virgin. It doesn't have to be a negative and if you make firm choices about what you want for your future in terms of what kind of relationship you want to be in before you have sex and what kind of person you want it to be with, being a virgin can be a totally respectable thing to be. It can be a virtue. It shows consideration and respect and if you can carry those attributes with you into a meaningful sex life all the better. It's just a label and like any other people hold certain conotations with that label. Some positive, some negative. Focus on the positive and focus on socialising more and working on your self confidence. Try and kiss someone you like while sober. You know you can do it now (and you'll probably do it better having full co-ordination and what not) so be confident in that fact. It's all just a journey and everyone's path is different. Just try and enjoy yourself along the way. If you want to chat or anything PM me :) take care
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Hi, it is really sad that you feel like you are missing out. So many girls (and some guys) your age would give anything to take back a lot of their past.
With that said, there are still a good number of girls your age who are virgin's and have either not kissed or kissed very few people. These are the girls though that are a little more quiet and arn't out in the clubs and pubs and trying to be the center of attention. e.g we generally get to know and hear about people who tend to be more sexually promiscuous.
When you meet someone who you eventally fall in love with, you will have an unbelievablely strong connection with them because the closeness that physical touch, kissing and eventually sex can bring will mean so much more to you, and hopefully to the guy who you choose to be with.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and take the sexual encouters your friends talk about with a pinch of salt. If they haven't admitted it, they probably secretly envy and respect you for not being the same as them.
All the best =)
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 My friend you are not the only one out there who is a virgin, so dont feel so alone. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, neither do you need to be in such a hurry to lose it. When I was much younger, all my friends were talking about what they did with this lad and how many boys they had kissed, and how many times they had an "O" as they used to call it, and I was not doing all that stuff, I just kept my mouth shut and ignored them and got on with my life. I grew up being the odd one out for years, and a lot of my friends regret the things they bragged about when they were younger.
Dont you worry, when the time is right, you will know. xXx
...............................
|
