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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am engaged to a wondefully caring man. There is no doubt he loves me and would go to the end of the earth to make me happy. I know I should be so lucky. However now that the wedding is looming - big decisions to make - I have cold feet. All the little things are big things, and are exasperated with my family, whom I totally respect. So, when my mother makes off-hand comments about him being from a different background (I grew up in an executive household, comfortable; he grew up with a single mom, not so well off) and that our attitudes about money and children aren't aligned (I'm a saver, he's a spender; I say pay for private schools, he says what's wrong with state schools...) we have potentially deal-killing issues to resolve. Or do we? Do I have a case of cold feet - get over it; or sincerely good reasons to hold off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): It is not uncommon for couples to have different backgrounds as far as family wealth and for one to be a spender and one to be a saver....to me these are not deal breaking issues....drug abuse or alcohol abuse is, not agreeing with how to raise children, different core values (not state schools or private schools) turning to outside people like family to resolve issues that are between the two of you is a deal breaker sort of as it does not bode well for how you will deal with conflict in your marriage....you need to ask and discuss issues revolving around children and how to handle money and in-laws prior to marriage....a lot of this stuff is workable you just need to discuss it.
A
female
reader, Lillia  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 These feeling could be nerves or just stressed out from the wedding so it could be natural.
If you feel that you really cannot go through with the wedding and you and him may not be at the right stage to then say something to him because the day is only goin to come once and it wont be special if you are not 100% that it is the right time
good luck
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