A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys a bit of help hear,My ex bf just rang me to say that one of his and his new partners mates wants to meet me, ive said yes and agreed to meet me on my own in a public place, m ex is 28 and the guy im meeting 2nite is 42 where im 23 is there any advice people could give, i no for sure that we are only having drinks and nothing else ive very certain of that ive only meet him once and we did have akind of good conversation Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 I agree with Daniel, the 5 year gap that you had with your ex isn't bad, 10 years isn't too much, but 20 is a whole generation apart. There are happy exceptions to every rule, but the majority of couples are closer in age for a good reason.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 Maybe I will change my mind in a few years, but I agree with Birdy. I don't think there is any real relationship between people who are at very different stages of life.
Also, I don't think you have "long-term" in your mind, at least not now, but these good relationships look different when you project them into the future. Sad for me, as I am a man and could benefit from this situations, but true.
Once I met a mason who had an athletic body and looked something like 49. Honest. This mason could take a sledgehammer and destroy a wall in a matter of an hour or two. I can't do that. Guess what? He was 72. He had less gray hair than I do now. Guess what? He had a wife who was 40. Everybody knew she was cheating on him. They were married, yes, but they were not at the same stage of live (obviously), and that was an unhappy couple.
Maybe if you were only ten years his senior I would think otherwise.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (22 October 2008):
Okay, so here goes nothing. A blind date with a guy who is 20 years older than you? Okay.
I have a 23 year old daughter, and I know for a fact that she would not date a man this age, because it's just plain creepy, AND she knows for a fact that she had better not bring a guy this age home to Mom, because I would think he's a loser.
He is closer to MY age than your age, Hun. What the heck would you have in common - besides you're being young and him being "established"? He's could only be a Sugar Daddy, not an equal, not a partner, so he's not good boyfriend material!
Your life would revolve around his friends and golf, and your friends would be out the window. He'd want to go to bed after the 11 o'clock news, and you would still want to go out clubbing. He'd be to pooped to party!
AND another thing, I would be very seriously wary that he might be married, or even worse, separated. It's worse because if they are separated, you don't know if they're being truthful or not, and if they ARE separated, you don't know how long that will last, if it will last, or if they will get back together again! AND he probably has children!
Honestly, Why not phone your own mother and ask HER what she thinks of you dating a guy who is old enough to be your father?
Do you want to know the real reason why it isn't commonplace to see a 42 year old WOMAN with a 23 year old boy? Because as women, we KNOW that we would look ridiculous. Why don't guys realize that they DON'T look like studs, and they look a bit pathetic, when they date women who are young enough to be their daughters? Here's a good example; My 23 year old daughter lives in England, and her Dad is often there on business. He is 54, but he looks 45, and whenever the two of them go out, they get stared down by all the other couples in the restaurant. The women give them dirty looks, and the men check her out like she's an opportunistic gold digger. They have BOTH complained about this behavior and told me similar stories about these incidents on their own. It didn't make them feel very comfortable. This answer might not have a popular response, but I'm afraid that this is probably the type of reception that you should be prepared for.
Sorry, this is a very cynical answer, but I thought it was best to see the other side as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Oh gosh, I agree with the other Aunts here. Go on, go meet him, have some drinks, laughs and relax. What can it hurt? Older guys do indeed, know how to treat a lady with respect and most are incredibly astute and mature. Just be yourself and be confident.. The only big issue I can see is, he could be at a different life stage than you are. But we don't know that for sure. He's got about 20 years of 'life experience' on you but. that doesn't mean much. Lots of younger females like yourself, nowadays are pretty savvy in the "life smart' dept. You two could end up being a good match. If not, you gave it a whirl, anyways and you come away from this with some more information about who you want to or not want to date, in the future. Good luck and have fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Don't know what advice you are looking for but all I can say is becareful. This man will be charming but remember he is expereinced.
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