A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This guy I worked with left work 2 days earlier than he should have. He sent the Head Boss an e-mail. Before he left there was a disagreement in the team and after he left I found out that another team member had e-mailed our direct boss at home while on holiday about this, I feel to blame that things got as far as they did as I feel that the guy was only helping me in relation to work. Anyway I was going to e-mail him at his new job to apologise. Should I do this, any advice appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Well I sent him an e-mail asking how he was and how his new job was going, hoping that he would reply with his personal e-mail so that I could apologise as I didn't want to mention the password info at his new job. He hasn't replied and I get the feeling (my instincts) that he's been in touch with someone else at work about my e-mail, although no-ones directly said anything to me. I feel humiliated and hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Do you think he is looking for an apology from you? I really don't think he is. While an apology does acknowledge the error and takes ownership of the mistaken choices made but-- usually an apology is from someone, who created the whole problem, not just a part of it. I think the best thing you can do here, is email this man and express your regrets for how this situation 'blew up' on him, but I can't see where "you' went wrong, in ALL of it. He is accountable for what he did too. Yes, you asked for access to a report but, and he could've said 'no' to you or, he could've cleared the way by asking for permission so you could see the restricted report. So stop feeling guilt ridden about this and don't carry this all on 'your' shoulders. If he's a good person, who made the wrong choice, then he'll recognize his role in this and will not want an apology. Just my take on it. But I just don't think you should take total responsibility. Just a nice email, expressing regret for your role in this and what happened, but keep it low-key and wish him the best, in nhis new job is sufficient. Keep it short and genuine. And then move on and learn from this. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Well he offered to show me how to do some work which I was interested in, part of it involved having access to a report, he gave me access and the other team member who had restricted access found out and made a big fuss even though they have previously be told to remove the restriction. I feel that I shouldn't have asked for accessed. Also I feel unable to forgive the other team member.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Hi there. While I feel it was commendable of him to come onboard with your team to help you..how did this disagreement with the other team member, involve you directly? So much so, that you feel you need to apologize? Apologize for what? One usually apologizes when they feel 'directly' responsible for something bad, they caused on another person. Did you cause this disagreement in some 'direct' way? Or was this a case of two workers, that didn't get along, they disagreed and one left? I guess what I'm trying to say is, if 2 people have a disagreement then it's their choice to behave this way and you weren't the root cause. . Maybe some more information about what role you played in this scenario would be better. Thanks
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