A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am 20 years old male and soon im gonna turn 21 and my parents are still to strict with me.If I style my hair then they get disapointed from me and my mom does not talk to me and my father yells at me till I get rid of the style.... im not allowed to hang out with friends because they say I cant make good friends and thats why I should not hang around with my friends... if im home all day my father says that even animals dont stay at one place all day if I go outside then why did u go outside with ur stupid friends..... when im not home my dad calls me quite often to confirm where I am and what am I doing.... i never turned up home later then 10pm but still they have problems......i cannot go clubbing... cant have girlfriends and no sex before marriage because im muslim. anyway apart from the religion they still treat me like little child. I mean I dont even do bad stuff.. My friends are always there for me they understand me and I hate it when my dad says they are stupid and infront of them he acts like he never ever would have said stupid to them..... my life just sucks atm... I really dont know what to do I hate my parents but I love them.... Also if sometimes I want to see movies that come on tv at 9 then I have to go through a speech that movies are for time wasters and u dont learn something from that and I should get up at 5am to pray and I never do that and therfore no movies... cant go cinema... never went clubbing.... also my father used to compare me with others who were doing greater then me in college and that always made me feel less valuable then other people I dont have confidence to do anything because of that.... and he often tells me to do my college worketc and when I do that he comes up like why does it take u too long to do that ur not in a uni ur only doing a level 3 course which is for dumm people....all these things drive me crazy sometimes I eanted to do suicide...sometimes also just run away but where should I go thats why stayed home plus if I go then they are gonna be worse then me with my sisters I mean they afre not even allowed to go gym beacuse u get year contract and in winter it gets dark early so thats why they should home before the sun goes under... my parents always say they are not my enemy they are my friends but every time they say that they just make my mude go off. Also I have to be on bed at 9 whereas other people go outside at night to have some fun... this is not a life and I have been through this 20 years.I would really appriciate if anyone could help me with this thanks.
View related questions:
clubbing, confidence, muslim Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tenjeeuk +, writes (30 October 2010):
As a parent, I can reassure you that what most parents to see in tehir children as they grow are signs that they are capable, dependable, trsutworthy, responsbile. It cannot be denied that Pakistani/Muslim parents in the UK have high expectatiojns of their kids in this regrad as they want them to be all these things and show respect for their values. It's hard for you, but youi have to realise that your parents lovfe you more than your friends. trust me young man, the ties of blodd and kinship are muich thicker and deeper than freindship. It akways surprises me to see how most white folk in this country spend most time with "Friends", whereas most asain/muslim folk will give their families priorities.
Be a man, teh like of which your family can depend upon - being concerned about you hair and clothes and "friends" and clubbing are not admirable traits in any person. If you are lucky in life, you will make good friends, but my experience is taht the best friends are those who are good to their families first. An old saying amonsgt Punjabis is anyone is isn't good to or for his family cannot be a good freind to anyone.
"Barkhurdaar", give the best of yourself to your family, and you will get the best out of life.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Hey dude it's not your job to look after your parents and boy they are young. My 90 year old grandad lives in a different city to his kids and he gets on fine. It's your parents responsibility to look after themselves
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I have the very same parents! It was horrible because on top of the paranoia, criticism and strict rules, they also fought alot. So there was a lot of anger in the house.I ran away at 17 and finished university at 21. Got my masters at 25. They didn't even give me a dime. Now I'm 27 and stay clear of them becuase I know they are NOT normal!!! They are crazy.Your parents are crazy. I would suggest getting into university and MOVING OUT. My one brother got away from them by getting into a PHD program in Scotland and my youngers had to move away for uni too. This is the most legitimate way to get away.People like our parents created anxious kids with self-esteem issues. Its not you, its a problem with their heads and the environment they grew up in.Find a way to move out and if its not now than study very hard and ignore them. Get out once you find a job. It'll be ok, but you have to set up a plan for yourself on how you're going to do it. Do it the right way - get yourself an education so you will never have to depend on them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni tried to sit down and talk with them but everytime i do that there is always a reason to shout at me. So all our conversations end haven big argument and shouting...i have a job i can also move out but the thing is that i still love them and if i go there is noone to take care of them and as i said before they are gonna be worse them me on my sisters then...
abt responsibility i am responsible back in the days we had a family business and i often had to manage it if my dad went to differet countries and i could manage it well.
my parents actually dont know what they want... they need reasons to shout at me....i mean when i had no job they were like pissing me of with getting a job and when i have one now they get pissed of why im getting so late, i mean i work in central london and it takes time to come back from there or there was one time i did really bad in college they got pissed of because of that which is normal and i can understand but next year i improved myself and did well in college and i mean really well my teachers also invited my parents to congrate them but my dad said do that in uni and i will come im not going to any 3rd class colleges or when i started working on my assignments i come home after college at 5 sometimes 6pm and i have to do lots of work for the assignements but my dad is like i cant understand why u do that all day u do the same thing in college and then u do that at home this is not live go outside or do something and when i go outside they are like no reason to waste so much time.....
i dont understand whats going on in their minds....i'll try moving out but there is noone gonna be to take care of them my father is 50 mom 46 i want to be there for them i want to help them in future i also want them to move in my house later but they're gonna do the same things..... and i f i tell them that the times has changed then they are like show respect infront of ur parents also if everyone does suicide u would not do suicide -.- that i not even the point im talking abt....
thanks for the replys
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 When a Parent is to strict with their 20 year old, it's because the 20 year old hasn't shown them he/she is responsible enough to look after themselves.
If your parents never have to tell the kids don't do this or that, then they now there kids are ready for the world.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (18 July 2010):
I'm a parent so I can understand the need to set rules but even to me this sounds a bit over the top for a 20 year old. Can you move out? Maybe some time away from them would help strengthen your relationship. If moving out is not an option maybe you could ask them to sit down with you and work out some compromises that you are both happy with. Point out to them that compared to a lot of young people you are like a saint.
Good luck my friend I hope you can get to the bottom of this and all be happier.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sharly48625 +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I a muslim as well. Except I'm 13. Maybe you should get a job, and move out? My older brother is planning to, because our parents are the same.
...............................
|
