A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:This might be a bit long but i hope u can bear with me! Basically i'm 17 (18 in about three weeks) and female and with a 40 year old guy and we've been properly seeing each other since march. We met online (not on a dating site or anything - it was actually on a football message board and neither of us were looking for a date on it ha ha!) and have been chatting online (through the mb at first, then emails, now msn mostly) since november. There was always a connection there and we got on like a house on fire (i've never previously gone for older men, and he's never previously been with any younger women) and pretty soon i couldn't stop thinking about him and we both developed feelings for each other. After a while he asked about us meeting up but at the time i was very unsure (i'm not daft and wouldn't just go and meet a guy off the net until i was absolutely sure) and so i said no not yet, and he totally understood and never once pressured me. But i finally felt the time was right and so we agreed to meet in march. It wasn't easy arranging it all as he lives hundreds of miles away from me! But we met up and got on great, like we had known each other for years, and we really care about each other - he loves me - and have a real spark. He probably knows me better than most people do. I was a virgin which he knew about long before we met up and he admitted he was slightly apprehensive about this as he had never been with a virgin before and he didn't want to do anything wrong to me and wanted to do it all properly and he knew it was a big responsibility. When we first met up we didn't have sex as i wasn't ready and he never even once asked me as he knew i wasn't ready. Well he came up a second time and we ended up having sex (quite a few times!) and he made absolutely sure that was what i wanted before we did it. I have since met one of his sisters and we get on great and she's commented on how happy her brother is with me:) My parents know i have a boyfriend and they know his name but they don't know about us meeting online, or him living far away or most importantly his age. We've discussed how we're going to tell them and we're gonna tell them together. I'm pretty scared how they will react to the whole thing - they're very open minded in general (my sister is a lesbian - they are 110% fine with that) but i don't know how they will feel about this and that they might think he took advantage (which he totally didn't) and that we shouldn't be together. But he makes me happy - happier than ive been in a long time and it feels so right with him! And he feels the same. So my question basically is do u think it's ok for me to be with this guy (i've told u the full story so u know everything and how we feel about each other) - i want to be with him more than anything, and i've thought about this for so long and haven't made any rash decisions and i know about all the issues that we face now and in the future. So i guess what i'm really asking is how would u feel if u were my parents and knew all this information? Do you think they will come round to the idea if they can see i'm happy? They know i'm not a kid and they suspect i'm having sex and are fine with that as they know i'm sensible and responsible. But how do u think they will react in the long term? I know they will be shocked and possibly angry at first but do u think they will come to terms with it and accept us and mabye even be pleased for us?Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2006): ENCULTURATED LIMITATIONS. if you connect with someone... i mean ya know? but what id be thinking about is when u are 30 years old and hell be all wrinkly and gross lol... but im in the same kinda ordeal.. im 18 hes 31.. 3
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice everyone:) I think i will wait til i'm 18 before we tell them - it's only a few weeks but could make a huge difference in my parents eyes!
To broken halo - I live in the UK and the age of consent is 16 there so what we are doing is fully within the law so i don't need to worry about child molestation:)
I've thought about all the things you've all mentioned - long and hard! And at the moment i want to be with him and that outweighs all the other issues for me:) But i'm fully aware of all the possible problems to do with our age difference:)
Anyone else with advice about my parents or if anyone has been in similar situation and has advice would be much appreciated! Thanks!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): Your parents will probaly be most concerned with your future and your well being. This man is 40, and even though you get along wonderfully, he wants different things out of life than most 18 year olds. Is he going to want to marry soon? Have children? Do you plan on attending university? And if you do, do you think you'll resent him if your college experiance is "a-typical"? Will you choose a university near him, not the one you really want to go to? Do you want to study abroad? A career?
Being so young and being with someone so much older who is already established restricts the choices you have in life. These are probally questions your parents will ask you.
Now, I digress. My Mom married an older man while she was in college. (My Dad) He promised he would always take care of her, and she would have everything she wanted. She changed her major from enginnering to education and went on to become the perfect mother and school teacher. My parents are happy, for the most part, and are still together. However, to this day, 30 years later, my Mom still looks back and wonders about the person she could have been. Just some food for thought. True love can and will wait.
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (8 May 2006):
 I would imanagine they would be quite surprised and shocked and I do not hnink they will be happy at all with this especially since you met him on the internet and that he is alot older than you. If I were you I wouldn't tell your folks about it but just have fun with this guy and if somme one your own age comes along dump this guy so please do not get too serious as it may nevr work out.
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A
female
reader, broken_halo +, writes (8 May 2006):
I also think that waiting until you are 18 is best, considering that is just a few weeks away. This will give you time to think about how to present it to your parents as well. No one can answer as to how they think your parents will respond, as we don't know them. I can say that, being a mom with 2 teenage girls, I would be upset about it but, also willing to talk. There are a lot of questions I think you need to ask yourself here. How do you define love? Have you thought about children this union might bring? By law, you are still a child, and what he has done is considered child molestation in the eyes of the law. How does that make you feel to hear that? In 10 more years, there is a great possibility that he will want to slow down and take things easy while you want to go out a pain the town red. SO many questions to ask yourself here..
Best of luck in whatever you decide!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): I'd wait till you're 18 to tell them really. Then they can't really say anything, as you are officially and adult. If you're happand can deal with the fact that when you are in your 30s he will be 60, then go for it.
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