A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a question about my husband. Now, he has ex girlfriends that he consistently texts when we have arguments. Now, these girls are only like 21 or 22 and I'm 28, so naturally they have rude comments and don't really get the whole story of what happened. But they are ex girlfriends to my hubby and he keeps "forgetting" that he texted another time that I never found out about. I have our call records and check them periodically because he has a tendency to be sneaky. Not necessarily full fledged cheating, but still stuff pretty dang close. What do I do? He says they are "just friend" but yet these girls haven't traveled to see him in 4 years and they don't call the house phone. Just his cell. Supposedly they were best friends in high school, but obviously high school is over.My thing is this... if they are such good friends, why can't we be mutual friends instead of him sneaking. Why can't they be civil with me too and call our house phone like a normal friendship. At this point I don't like them at all and wouldn't want them calling my house phone at all anyways, it's beyond that point now.But texting at 4am???? Hmmmmm...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I HAVE actually emailed the girls to say "HI" to them and introduce myself but I never received a response from them. Also, one of the girls called my (then) fiance, and was crying to him about how she misses him and loves him. But now says it was a friendship love. I don't fall for all of this. I have tried to be mature about all of this but as many of you know, it is extremely dificult to be mature when you're NOT dealing with mature people. It's almost where you have to fall to their level or leave it alone.
But in my case he is my hubby and I can't just leave it alone. We have more issues like this than anyone I have ever known. It's very irritating dealing with a younger man that doesn't get what you're trying to explain to him and his defense is throwing something in your face from the past that is totally irrellivant. Drives me nuts and doesn't help one bit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I'm friends with my ex's & my current partner thought that strange at 1st but I explained to him that all they are is friends.
After all the people in ur past make u who u are today & are just as important as the people in ur present.
But it sounds like ur husband is not being totally honest with u.
Have u asked him if u can all be mutual friends?
If so what was his reaction…that will tell u a lot.
And why dose he keep in touch with them if he knows its hurtful to u…that extremely nasty.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Your points are understandable and valid. I've said this before and I will say it again: a person with nothing to hide, hides nothing. And your instinct is telling you what? And why are you second guessing it? I'm not saying he is cheating, but hiding conversations with the ex's is not exactly a trust worthy. I think it's great that you are open to being mutual friends with these girls, which makes it even more odd that he feel the need to hide it from you. Especially when you have arguments. That would be the one time my red flag goes up. Maybe discussing with him honesty issues at this point would be a good idea. If trust in a marriage is lost, the marriage itself will suffer.
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A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 If your husband is texting these women in a secretive/underhand way, which it sounds like, then he is behaving in a very inappropriate, hurtful and disrespectful way towards you. Texting ex-girlfriends in the middle of the night is completely inappropriate.
I think you are perfectly justified to feel as you do and I think the only way to resolve this situation is to have a serious discussion with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel.
I think you should either ask him to stop texting these girls completely or set some very clear boundaries for how he should contact them in future.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you good luck in resolving this issue.
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