A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:I met this guy a month ago.We've hung out twice/talk dailyOur texts involve alot of flirting + the usual - what we're upto etc.Despite our super flirty/naughty txts.He's a gentleman in person -hasnt crossed the line and apologizes when he feels he has.Last time I saw him - he invited me late (he works graveyard = weird sleepin sched.).Even though it was late - we watched a dvd, played video games, kissed - nothing beyond. When I'm around him I get flustered.I can barely speak and I dont touch him (i think hes soo handsome).the truth is I want to have my way w/ him but afraid to get intimate right away - cos I want him more than just a booty call.He claims hes not lookin for a booty call - more than that but invited me over tonight.I had baked him cookies cos he asked for some and was goin to drop them off but he told me off the bat that he wanted to see me naked tonight and confirmed he had been drinkin.He thinks i want a pg friendship and says that he's prob more sexual than me.Which is untrue - my sex drive is incredibly high and I want more than just a booty call..although i wanna dabble in it a bit and pretty much do everything cept sex.I dunno what to do? if i get intimate w/ him at this time.. - will it ruin any potential chances I may have relationship wise. Or am I pushing him away by not showing that "I want him"I know its prob a silly q..and its prob obvious to wait..if he's worth it.. he'll stick around? I want him so bad and dont want to wait LOL.
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question ive had that happen to me too and i still talk to that guy.. he has a shitload of issues.. so i know better now when it comes to him (saw him recently and he said he loved me - weirdo).Anyhoo W/ this current guy (the one who the q/post's about)- who im not sure about. I guess cos i laid everything out on the table w/ him I thought it'd be easier - so he wouldnt push anything. But we flirt endlessly & are super attracted to one another.its frustrating to want someone soo much and not be able to have them despite the flirting (maybe hes frustrated.. i dunno?).Im just gonna talk to him sometime soon and try not to sound like an ass about it but let him know that he was kinda jerky. im hoping he feel bad for the way he acted but we'll see i guess
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): Wow, that's a difficult call to make. My cousin (who is a guy, 47 yrs old) said sometimes if sex happens too soon, the guy thinks you are the type who will cheat. But then, if you wait too long, he might lose interest. He said the right time just depends on the relationship.
I wrote in here a while back when I was seeing a guy I was really crazy about. I had known him for years (but not really KNOWN him). He was a friend of my family. I guess I felt comfortable with him too soon--and I was lonely and hadn't dated for over a year. Anyhow, the sex happened after a few weeks. He was the one who was aggressive about it (not in a bad way--just intense making out). I thought he really wanted it...and so did I. But he dumped me in an email a few weeks later saying that after the sex happened, he lost all feelings for me. I don't know if this is always the case. I think he has some major issues that are beyond whether or not the sex happened too soon. I do know that the next time I become involved in a relationship, I am going to wait a long time before having sex. This has had a bad effect on me, my self esteem, and my feelings about sex in general. I wish now I had never started dating him in the first place. Good luck to you. I know I haven't been much help. Just be careful and have a serious talk with him before having sex. I wish you the best!!
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i guess ill just ask him. cos i DID tell him what i wanted when we met..so he wouldnt think otherwise..
its irritating if he just pretended he wanted more than intimacy..cos why bs..if it looks like ur not gonna get anything..ya know? argh lol. thanks for replying.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I didnt realize that all 3 replies went in . 1 shouldve only been up there.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried posting a reply on here.. not sure if it went through.
The way he acted tonight irritated me and threw me off.He was drunk, So I really hope that was the only reason.Cos it seems if he just wanted sex - he wouldve been all over me by now, seein hes been alone w/ me & has only kissed me, cuddled and held my hand.My cousin thinks that because he was drunk and acted jerky that he'll prob apologize later(seein he's been really nice up until this point).I'm just annoyed, feel stupid & semi sad (feel silly cos I baked him cookies).I feel like I should tell him tomorrow/soon that he was a jerk tonight.Is it possible for him to have just been in a mood/aggressive just cos he was drunk or would it be his true feelings?.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've been on a couple of dates but I guess why all this bothers me is cos he has been cool up until 2night. I felt he actually had a genuine interest in me & then tonight - was just super agressive about wanting to be intimate w/ me & kept saying that he's more sexual than I am/that I want a pg friendship (it irritated me - i hate assumptions) & he didnt seem okay w/ the idea of just seeing me/kissing me.He was drunk tonight..so maybe that was why?My cousin says that cos he was drunk that thats why he was like that & that he'll most likely apologize for being a jerk (if it was just cos of being drunk).I told him when we met that I didnt want to hook up - I want more than that..a relationship (w/ the right person) he said he wants the same.Was so sweet & just seemed so jerky tonight.I guess I just feel stupid & semi sad & have these stupid cookies I made him.I feel like I should tell him tomorrow that he was a jerk.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (26 November 2009):
 Well wait. You guys aren't together or anything, right? You are just friends who happen to like each other, and hey, he keeps hinting that he wants sex from you. I'm assuming that's right.
Anyways, if you want a relationship with him, then don't have sex before you are in that relationship. There is a super old saying that I used to roll my eyes at until I found out it was true. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Not saying you are a cow, lol. But just think about it. If he can just jump in the sack with you any time he wants, then why would he ask for a relationship? I mean guys are kind of different than girls. Though they like relationships (when they are ready for them) sex is also a pretty big factor. It doesn't put out a good image when you are willing to sleep with him without any commitment. It kind of sounds like this guy is a bit straight forward with his feelings when it comes to being sexual with you, and I would think that might be a red flag as far as his intentions. Gentlemen take you out and have a good time, and don't mention having sex with you until they have you.
This guy seems like he wants the sex now, and not so much the relationship later. So yes. Having sex now would definitely ruin your chances of a relationship later. There are a lot more things you should be exploring as far as this guy goes, and sexually is not one of them. All the best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah. I guess it just threw me off that he acted that way.Im guessing cos he was drunk? Cos I talked to him yesterday when sober and he was sayin he had wanted to hang out w/ me this week and was all nice. I dont wanna have sex w/ him i just want to be a little intimate..but I guess i shouldnt do that either.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 November 2009):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBTW when I said everything but sex.I meant everything but intercourse.
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