A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?I've been seeing a guy in another country for 4 months now. He's 35 and Im 29. I recently found out from my cousin (also in the same country where he lives) after seeing his picture on her blackberry messenger Display/ status, that they had a one night stand almost 5-6 years ago. I spoke to him about it and he denied it adamantly. My cousin is married and has a child. We are not close. before the incident, I hadn't spoken to her in person or on the phone for over 10 years. We IM through BBM. She told me that he called her and stated he was scared to tell me the truth. However, when he spoke with me a second time, he still denied it and seemed very nonchalant towards clarifying this on a three way call with my cousin. He did admit to knowing her just not messing around with her. He wouldn't budge so I broke up with him. Especially since he said "I know you will not believe me over your cousin...figure out what you want to do and let me know."So here's my thing, if it's ancient history, why lie about it? Why would my cousin make this up? Also I broke up with him, was I wrong? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 November 2012):
 To me the lying about something as "little" as to sleeping with your cousin would make me pause and think what else would he be lying about?
And that right there would then snowball into distrust, and honestly once the trust is gone.. it is mighty hard to get back.
Why would your cousin lie? I can't imagine she would. Unless she is unhappy in her marriage and jealous over you and this guy.
However, it could be that he doesn't recall this one-night stand.
There are so many things that could be the "truth".
The thing is DO YOU want to let something in HIS past that may or may not have happened stop you from dating him?
The ball really IS in your court.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): The right to have past sexual secrets applies to people who are actually going to stay in the past. It does not apply to family members or people who are still in your life today.
What if in the future you went to a family get-together with your cousin. What if it ended up being practical for them to share a room alone or something? Would you still have no right to know about their sexual history just because they say it is "in the past"?
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