A
female
age
51-59,
*hameless . . . .
writes:I have been in a LDR for about 9 months. the relationship itself is quite healthy and we have recently had some great talks about what we both want and are looking for and we seem to be on the same page. We talk most days on skype and SMS/call as well .. and things really are pretty great.My guy takes a while to 'do' things, he likes to stick to his rather slow timetable while I am a 'jumper' so, I sometimes get frustrated. The plan, since we both realised that we wanted to be near each other, is for him to come and live where I am because he hates the city he is in and wants rto move - however, he has a well paid job and he would not be able to get anything similar here - he has some money saved and neither of us is particularly materialistic so, dialling-down style of living is something he is happy to do.A few days ago, after I pushed him for some kind of answer as to when he sees a move happening, he told me that he thinks he needs to stay for another 12 months - this was a bombshell to me as I thought it was only going to be a few more months. To him, his workplace needs him and if he left now he would be bailing on an important project and leaving them in the lurch - but I am unconvinced that he couldn't leave amicably with a couple of months notice to them. He has asked me to wait and wants to keep things as they are - he is prepared for visits but, not to move at this point. I am not okay with this - but I also don;t want to give him up as things are going really well .. but I have already been sent crazy being in a LDR for 9 months, I don't think I have another 12 months in me. I feel like if he really felt the way he says he does then he wouldn't want to wait 12 months - no matter what. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, Shameless . . . . +, writes (2 August 2013):
Shameless . . . . is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the responders .. much appreciated.
Although I can understand that work/career is important to him - I am not sure I am up for the distance for another 12 months - which is what I need to consider I guess. He keeps telling me how miserable he is there and how much he dislikes his life there .. and although I can empathise re the job .. I wonder if this isn't a sign that we are just too different as I cannot fathom being completely miserable in a situation and staying
A
female
reader, Shameless . . . . +, writes (1 August 2013):
Shameless . . . . is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, we have had face time - I spent a month there not long ago :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 August 2013):
 Have you two had any face time? As in FACE-TO-FACE or is it all over the Skype/IM you have this relationship? Did you know each other in person before?
I'm asking, because if you two have spend 9 months "dating" over the Internet/Phone only, then I think he is right in being practical and cautious. I DO think that within 2 years if no one is willing/able to move that a LDR is dead in the water.
I think he is being smart & practical.
Maybe to make it less hard - take a vacation together? Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.
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A
female
reader, Shameless . . . . +, writes (1 August 2013):
Shameless . . . . is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses.
Just to clarify:
I haven't asked him to give up anything - this was always his idea - to leave where he is and come here - mainly as he is unhappy where he is .. he hates the city he lives in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): I don't think that you're wrong but you have to understand that it is a big move on his part.. He has a good job and I don't think anyone would be in a rush to downgrade.
Have you heard the saying anything worth having is worth waiting for? 12 months or 2 years, if you want the relationship, if you loved him you would wait.
Plus you haven't even been together for a year, don't you think you're rushing things a bit anyway? I think waiting another 12 months would be an appropriate time frame, but its not my relationship so do as you please.
You should definitely voice your concerns to him and speak your mind about the situation. tell him what you just told us and hear him out.
I really hope things work out for you guys!
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