A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, I really wish my bf was more possessive. Not in the creepy "he needs help"-sort of way, but a balanced way. I don't think he's ever jealous although when my friends text me a lot when with him, he jokes that it's my man on the side. I get a little jealous at times but never say anything. We've been going out almost a year. So I feel like he doesn't care/mind if he loses me or something. I dunno...I'm a Scorpio and jealousy is supposed to be a shortcoming of mine. Hes a Leo, same with him but I guess hes not buying into it? Anyway, this drives me nuts sometimes. I loved that my ex was a teeny bit jealous, it was nice showing him that I was only his. So is there something wrong with me wanting my bf to be more jealous/possessive? Oh and he's 13yrs older than me.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 September 2010):
Be careful what you wish for.....
I had a women who would use every excuse to make me jealous. I told her to stop and I warned her I would leave if she didnt. She didnt.....I left....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all! I never looked at him not being jealous as a positive but I'm convinced...I'm luckier than I thought! :D
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 September 2010):
Hi there. I can understand that you interpret not getting jealous as meaning a "don't care" attutude.
What we really have here, is more likely to be a very confident young man, who feels completely secure in himself as a person and accepts himself for who he really is with no doubts at all, as to his own worthiness.
When a person feels good about themselves, they don't feel threatened by what other people say, think or do. They don't compare themselves to others either. They feel secure. This really is a very healthy way to live.
Jealousy only happens when a person has a low self-esteem and doesn't believe in themselves.
What he apparently feels is freedom to be himself, with total unconditional acceptance by him.
If you feel threatened by this type of freedom, it's possible that you are feeling insecure in some way. Don't feel threatened by it, enjoy it. Believe me, you would not want a man who was checking every single move you made, calling you a few times a day - just to see what you were doing etc. It would become very stifling indeed. You would not be happy.
If he didn't have feelings for you, he wouldn't be with you.
Just start believing in yourself and that you are a worthy human being and deserve the best always. We are all equal - no one person is any better than anyone else. Always remind yourself of that.
Enjoy your time together, go to nice places, have fun, laugh and be happy.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (27 September 2010):
please dont ever use jealousy with any man
because it brings nothing but trouble and mysery,
as nothing brings a man crazy and out of his nerves and leaves bitter feelings as jealousy does,
i remember breaking with an ex GF because she used to make me jealous all the time...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): He understands that he has to keep his jealousy kept inside, because it's a poisonous emotion that can ruin a relationship. He is a bit jealous, of course he is. But he knows from experience that jealous and possessive are horrible things to be.
You should be glad he's so relaxed and chilled about it. You really don't want to know what it's like to be with someone who is like that and there is middle ground either.
If you try and make him like that by playing games or something you're just going to open up a can of worms because the only way to make someone like that is to make them question their trust in you or make them insecure. Neither of these things are in any way nice, so just count yourself lucky and enjoy what you got.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I felt this way when I started to make the shift from jealous guys to nice guys. Why don't we fight more? Why aren't you more jealous? I thought we lacked passion. But ultimately, those are the guys who don't break your heart later... and who you don't fight with. Who you just relax with.
I think you're really lucky! You have a guy who trusts you. That will be much more important down the line than the guy who is super possessive... it gets old. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (27 September 2010):
As a jealous person myself, I know what it's like to be jealous and wish that the person I was with was jealous too. However, looking in on the picture, consider yourself lucky. This man trusts you. He knows you love him and so he is not worried about the fact that you have a life outside of him. It is those sorts of things that build a good foundation for a lasting relationship.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I think maybe he just really trusts you. being older than you hes expirienced a lot with girls i guesss?
He wont want to lose you, he might just feel like if he does show he is jealous that it might effect your relationship. Cause jealously usualy creates boundaries. You should be kind of happy? :L
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