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Why does he like to have his hands around my neck?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 September 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *ngel0788 writes:

Why does my boyfriend like to have his hands around my neck during sex?? no tight enough to choke me.. But still :/

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A female reader, 2mindful Canada +, writes (16 August 2016):

I have explored literature about BDSM behaviours of which 'choking' during sex can be a dominance/sub thing...but there's such a fine line between the threshold of what's sensual, passionate touch & what's more sado-masochistic. There is a type of erotic asphyxia, but to steer away from that as it implies something opposite to the question posed here. And in my own search for answers...it comes down to this-as I have a new lover & he lost himself in the moment, out of nowhere he raised his right hand up & laid it at the base of my throat (where the cleft is) he didn't clench or choke, there was some firmness, but then he placed his left hand on my lower half at the top of my pubis whilst thrusting...again a gentle, firm pressure...so this is a part of passionate, sensual touch. It caught me off guard as I've never had this before, not even in my marriage & interestingly my ex-husband was an aggressive_dirty sex type. I have some kink & fetish & don't mind a bit of bondage play...but it was a first for me & though I've had a background of physical & mental abuse & been raped before...it didn't frighten me & I didn't feel at risk because I know how to be in control of myself & there was nothing more than a firm, gentle pressure. If it had manifested into anything more I would've abruptly stopped him & said something...middle of hot lovemaking or not, it'd be OPEN session for dialogue. I am a DOM but we don't get into the genre or that type of role play. That's how/why I would firmly lay it down that there'd be no more sex or relationship if it was a situation where he wanted to do choking. But it's not...I have seen such eroticism in regular tv drama type movies or big screen hollywood productions. It's a common gesture in sensual, passionate love making.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010):

you see i like this, and didnt realise till my man did this on me, like you said not choking you, more like a gentle hold turns me on big time, he has big manly hands too so there is space between my neck and his hand, just a gentle touch sends me wild, he often finds sensitve parts on my body i didnt even know of that just sends me crazy he nibbles on my ears and blows into my ears too and i have gone all shivery thinking about it LOL, thats another sensitve part i did not know of hes his very intuned with my body he knows it better than me but hey if you DON'T like your man doing this then tell him if he loves you he will stop, but i personal do its not a weird thing or a domerneering thing its just a gentle touch and i like it. good luck....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010):

That's a very good question. Have you asked him that question? If you haven't you may want to consider asking.

My husband on occasion will do the same thing and has stated that for him it is a control/power high.

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A male reader, fordyboy United Kingdom +, writes (27 September 2010):

fordyboy agony auntSeems a little odd if you don't mind me saying as personally i can think of much better and more important things to do with my hands during love making. one word of advice here, CAUTION!!

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A female reader, RennieGeek United States +, writes (27 September 2010):

I am not sure why, but I know I have experienced this with two other guys. One I was with for five years and I used to just kind of nudge his hands away, it was usually just one hand near my neck but it did make me feel threatened.

The other guy I was only with once and it did seem a bit too close for comfort, however he was a take charge kind of man, and I'm wondering if this is a dominance thing?

The only other guy I've been with never put his hands anywhere near my neck, but he also liked to be spooned instead of being the spooner.

If this is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, I would be honest and upfront with him at a time that's not a sexual experience. If he realizes it makes you uncomfortable, he will stop doing it.

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