A
male
age
41-50,
*hilae
writes:I've posted about my situation numerous times. Brief recap. Dated for a year and a half. I started of as a confident dude, then started losing confidence, low self esteem, etc. My ex is beautiful. She broke it off, but we still continued to hang out like a couple. She would sleep over. I would always push for the relationship, which drove her away. She also has other things she's dealing with (family, school). I become obsessive (I'm seeking counseling for this presently). It hit a head yesterday when I felt she was hiding something from me. Felt she met a guy, but wouldn't tell me about it. My co-worker is her roommate and she asked me if my ex was with me last night because she didn't sleep at home, which of course made me lose it. So I started texting like crazy. My ex got so mad she told me she wanted to stop talking to me. I realize I have issues beyond my ex (confidence, low self esteem) that I'm going to see a professional about, and I understand that. My co-worker sent me a forward of her email convo with my ex apologizing for her involvement. and here is a little snippet of it. "That's fine. I suppose it was a good thing because it sounds like you got through to him, I really hope so. He's really turned into a basket case and its really upsetting. Anyway, I do want to put this out there even though it's my personal business, I was at my girl friend's house studying last night and I wouldn't dare sleep at some guys house I just met. Especially since I still love "me".Man, I thought she stopped loving me like a LONG time ago. Is there hope?
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male
reader, Philae +, writes (10 November 2009):
Philae is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it's been a week since all that craziness when down and I still haven't heard from her. I've seen my therapist once so far. Going to see him again on Friday. Need to work on all the helpless feelings I get. But it doesn't help knowing that she can be meeting all these guys to date.
A
female
reader, FireAndIce  +, writes (3 November 2009):
CaringGuy, how very blunt...and off base!From a chicks perspective, yes there's hope. We aren't like guys in the sense that when we disappear, our feelings go with too. But here's the thing, you really need to back off. In the same way that guys like to hunt and do all the chasing, every now and then it's okay to let us pursue somewhat too, it can work both ways . Sometimes we also need to miss you in order to appreciate you.You're smothering her, dogging her every move and that's very unattractive.You've got a leg to stand on - she still loves you. Try to have a bit more confidence in yourself (even if you have to try faking it for a while...do something long enough and it becomes habit.) A man that WANTS you but doesn't NEED you is so very appealing. Desperation isn't.Maybe contact her, apologize for your behaviour and tell her you're no longer going to pressurize her into a relationship. Then disappear for a while. Wait and see if she contacts you. If not, send her a polite message, nothing intense. In the same way that men like to chase, we like to be chased, but what's important is the MANNER in which you do it.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Before you consider getting back with your ex you really need to focus on your counseling. You guys are broken up so to have contact on a friendly level is special. What I can't understand is why are you still playing the role as her man??? If she were to start dating someone then so what!! It's not the end of the world and sorry to be so blunt but that's personally none of your business! You're pushing her away more than you realize. Texting her when you can see from the email that she was at a friend's studying!! That type of behavior is enough to send anyone into a mental facility. From the looks of it that's what caused you all to split from the start. I don't think you all have a chance. You have too many issues you need to solve within before entering any relationship. I fear for her because your behavior could be dangerous!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 November 2009):
No, there isn't to be honest. If there was, she would have come back. Don't have anything else to do with her and continue with your counselling. Good luck.
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