A
male
age
41-50,
*mad khan
writes:Hey Friends!!! my problem is pretty basic really. I'm American, currently living/working in Spain. I came here, originally, to try and "win" back my X.Didn't work, and she's in love and happy with another guy. I suppose, I'm mostly over it, though there are times that I feel this tremendous pain, and loneliness. I miss what I had...especially the sex...that was great. we're both musicians, and she's currently with another musician.they won a chamber music competition recently, and for some reasonit heightens my jealousy even more. So here I am in Spain, alone, and I don't know how to turn my situation around, and find that special person. I always knew my ex and I were not really meant to be- we argued over petty things constantly...andyet I can't help but resent her happiness. I'm not the bar hopping type, I don't smoke. I'm kinda a romantic...so its really hard for me to meet people. I never felt this down before...like, it might just be easier to end it.Please, any advice or words of cheer would be great. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 This looks like a duplicate question, I think? I did answer the one that got posted later, please look there if you're the original poster.
A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 My best advice for you is to go on the prowl. Believe it or not bars are NOT the best place to meet girls, because they often have their defences up against being hit upon by strange guys.
In many ways being in a foreign country gives you lots of opportunities - you can ask for directions or if this is the correct platform on the subway, even if you know the answers. "So do you go to college around here? What's your subject? Cool what kind of X are you interested in? Would you like to grab a coffee tomorrow? Maybe you could show me round the Dalí museum"
I've seen quite plain, ordinary guys have a lot of success getting dates with this technique - it is quite non-threatening, ironic since it's often the "players'" preferred modus operandi. Approaching even the most attractive girls in this way is less intimidating than the thought of getting a drink thrown in your face in a bar, and what nice girl won't help a guy with directions? Just ask her a few questions about herself, make a little harmless humour and she will see that you're a nice guy - it gives you a far better start than many of those other situations in which one is "supposed" to meet girls, when you often can't get a chance to talk for all the other people around.
However you do things, I think you have to distance yourself from your ex, and get on with your life. I'm sure you realise that jealousy is self-destructive.
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