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I was upset all evening, was I overreacting?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 August 2013) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2013)
A female Sweden age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello, yesterday I had a meeting in the city with my boyfriend. I was a little late and when I came to the meeting place I saw him talking to his ex gf who he knows I hate very much, because she is psycho bitch. They were laughing and when I was going closer to them they said goodbye loudly and my bf came to me. I asked him what it supposed to mean and he said they met randomly so they talked. But I was upset all the time we were together that evening and in the bad mood and he didn´t understand why I was so upset. Do you think I´m right when it bothers me so much or am I overreacting?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013):

Thank you guys for your advices..maybe I was overreacting, but I really didn´t expect them talking when I was looking forward to meet my boyfriend and it really surprised me they laughed so much, because I know what he told me about her and it were all bed things..but I´ll try to forget it. (author)

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 August 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntSageOldguy...

that leads to this:

he sees his ex and he KNOWS it bugs her... so he HURRIES the ex off even though he is HIDING nothing.. then does not mention it as to NOT ruin a nice evening... but lo and behold a friend of hers saw him talking to the ex and calls the OP and says

"I saw your boyfriend talking to his ex... it looked like a friendly conversation but he hurried her along and then I saw you show up"

NOW we have a LIE of OMISSION to go along with the ex gf that bugs the OP.... and NOW she has something else totally fabricated in her mind to worry about.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (19 August 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI wouldn't be so forgiving as SVC. Your B/F KNEW you were going to be by... he KNOWS that you don't like it when he interacts with his ex-..... yet he appeared to be rather comfortable with the going-on... which is a real peeve of your's.

I interpret that to mean that he thought it was more important to make small talk with ex- than it was for him to anticipate your arrival, and assure that, when you did (arrive), you shouldn't have expected what you found (him and ex- chatting)....

Give some serious thought to whether or not you want to "invest" much (or, any) more in a "relationship" with this man....

Good luck....

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 August 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm sorry I do not think you are right at all.

I think you heavily over reacted.

He can't control where she is in the world and they ran into each other... he was ADULT and polite.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 August 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, you overreacted.

If she was such a psycho that means HE can hate, no need for you to hold on to that hate. Unless of course she hurt YOU.

She didn't get deported when they broke up, exes doesn't go to some deserted island. (even though I swear it would be lovely if some of them did) He is BOUND to run into her. He is being polite, maybe because he wants HER to see he isn't hung up on her anymore. Basically, he is taking the high road. Which is something YOU should do.

Think about it, who is he dating? Bingo! YOU!

I can see meeting her can dent the mood, but the only one who benefit from that... is HER.

Let it go.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (19 August 2013):

eyeswideopen agony auntI think you overreacted. He just happened to run into her by chance, all he did was show some good manners. I also agree with the Owl, one psycho girlfriend in a lifetime is one too many. Wise up or you'll lose him.

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A female reader, Brokenv Canada +, writes (19 August 2013):

You let some ex-girlfriend of your boyfriend control your mood, your actions because you hate her.

Hate is a pretty powerful emotion. One emotion in the end that will hurt and destroy you. It is a waste of energy.

Those two things combined is changing to be a person I would not want to be with. I'm sorry your boyfirend had to put up with your jealous emotion that night.

I think you still have some maturing to do. Don't let one person determine your outcome. That takes age and experience to learn. You are an awesome young woman! You have so much to offer. Grow from this silly little incident and move forward. Apologize to your boyfriend **key word YOUR** and don't let it happen again. He is with you because of some outstanding qualities. Let them shine:)

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013):

You happen to hate the girl so what can anyone say that will make any difference.

Two things here don't add up. Why would he be on friendly terms with his ex, if she is a psycho-bitch? If he knows you hate her and he's chatting with her, why wouldn't he expect you to be angry?

His ex isn't going to disappear off the face of the earth.

She knows you hate her; so you offer her the perfect reason to mind-screw you. That's by being nice to your boyfriend.

Yes, you are over-reacting. They met by chance. He knew you were on your way, and could show-up at any moment.

Get your jealousy in check, or you'll be out of a boyfriend.

He has already dumped one psycho. It'll be easier the second time around.

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