A
male
age
30-35,
*nonyman
writes:Hi all. First off i'd like to say how much i like this site. I've been reading here since 2005 and posted a few questions in the past, it's addictive reading! Anyway i wondered if you could help me with a situation i have, i'll try not to make this too long for you.I'm still a teenager, i turn 20 this summer. And i am not the best with girls at all, i had one girlfriend (or halfway there) 3 years back, but there's a long story so i won't go into it. Haven't even kissed a girl yet to be honest, so that sums up how far i've got. Of course this gets to me but i hope to put it all right as soon as i can.I've known this girl for around a year let's say, i don't see her that often but she seems to appear in my life in short bursts and then goes away again. I can truly say she is the best girl i have ever met so far in my life, the girl of my dreams. She's 18 (narly 19), looks stunning beyond belief, she's cute, sweet and has the personality of an angel. She is shy but i find that somewhat cute. Other girls i see around don't do it for me like she does. I think about her every single day even when i haven't seen her for a while, she really means a lot to me. I even ask her mum how she is when i see her, and she says how she wishes for her to 'settle down with a nice guy, like me'. But that's how mums are. The last time i saw her was around 4 months ago before last Saturday night.I saw her Saturday which was a nice suprise considering it could have been a boring night. She looked the best i have ever seen her look, my heart was racing like mad and i got nervous. But i calmed down and went over to her and started a conversation, something which i don't have trouble doing with her to my suprise. We talked about general things, work, life, friends etc. She engaged back just as much, she smiled, giggled and i tried as much eye contact as possible. With people telling me from the outside that she 'looks interested in you', and i guess it looked that way. We said our goodbyes and she went home, and i drove home fustrated and really pissed off with myself. Echos of people's comments rang around my head along the lines of 'she should of been leaving with you'. Up to now i feel the same. I couldn't take the step up, every part of me wanted to go for her there and then as any red blooded straight guy would. But something was holding me back, it could have been self doubt, me thinking that she can't possiby like a munter like me and it all going wrong if i tried. Yet i'm told that i'm a good looking and interesting guy by lots of people.I saw my best friend on Sunday and i asked him what he does to overcome this. He said he used to be like me, but something just 'snapped' with him one day and now he finds it easier. Yet i just can't see myself overcoming it that easy. But there has to be a way to get past this mental barrier, it's making me miserable and is now effecting my life. Especially when i see people my age so far ahead and happy with a girlfriend. I just wondered if any of you know how to overcome this? Were you as shy as me and got past it? Or just thoughts on what you think i should do. I know you guys give some good no nonsense advice on here and that's why i have taken the time to write this, i needed to get it off my chest too. Thanks for reading! : )
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best friend, engaged, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (29 June 2008):
Hey,
I have some advice that's a little against what BigSis gave you. If you know her like you do, you shouldn't have to say, "I hope you don't mind..." Women usually like men. Even when you get married (like I am), your wife isn't going to like it when you express your doubts. I've found that women like it when you take charge. If you say, "what type of food do you like?", and she says, "oh, whatever," you make a decision then and there. If she doesn't like it, she might not even tell you, but remember for next time, and she'll love you for it.
Also, leading someone by the hand somewhere really helps.
Also, when you ask her out, call her on Monday or Tuesday. Sound like you had a good weekend and be excited about the prospects of spending the next weekend with her (and also be excited about the prospects that SHE has to spend it with you; after all, you are the man she needs).
And another thing, that feeling in your stomach is good. Real good. Based on experience, I think it's some kind of olfactory hormonal thing that men pick up from women. It's your body telling you that she's physically interested in you.
A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Arra boy, good luck.
'You know it makes sense'...as Del Boy would say.
: )
x
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A
male
reader, Anonyman +, writes (30 April 2008):
Anonyman is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah i've been reading the replies. i think im going to have a look around, see where i can take her out around here. then im going to try and sum up the courage to ask her out, maybe face to face even, it looks the only way i can make this happen. but it has to be better than going on like this, wondering and full of 'what if's' all the time.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 dude,
are you reading the advice people are giving you?
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (30 April 2008):
I think you should have made the move on Saturday while you had the chance, but then it's no good thinking about what you should have done, that's passed now,
Like Collaroy said, just call her and ask her if she fancies going to see a movie with you. You may have to act fast, because we've both said that if you don't act soon, you may be seing her with someone else, and you will be giving yourself such a big kick for not getting in there sooner.
Phone her up, say something like, 'Hi, how you doing, I hope you don't mind me calling you, but I just wondered if you fancy going to see a movie with me, and perhaps a meal'.
That way, you would have made that first move, broken the ice and paved the way for something to happen. At least you'll know where you stand with her when she answers you. She could be sitting at home waiting and wondering why you havn't called her yet. You know already that her mum approves, so you have no worries there.
Do it tomorrow, I dare you, then come back and tell us what happened.
Best of luck, and we're rooting for you.
BigSis
xXx
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A
male
reader, Anonyman +, writes (29 April 2008):
Anonyman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers. the thing is i have seen people take these situations in different ways. so i don't know what to do, i already have her phone number and myspace. but calling or texting her out of the blue i find hard to do. the thing is i dont know what i should of done on saturday, should i of arranged a date or something or tryed to have made out with her there and then? this is where i fall short.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (29 April 2008):
Alright mate, geez you suffer from the same affliction I did at your age. The gals out there really dont know how hard it is for a shy guy to ask a girl out.
But you have an advantage you know this girl and are on friendly terms with her. And you know that the longer you wait the more likely you are going to see her walking around hand in hand with someone else. If this thought doesnt shock you into doing something then I dont know what will.
It's simple, ask her out. It doesnt have to be anything serious, an afternoon movie - "hi, there's this great movie out and I have a couple of free tickets for the matinee session on Saturday or Sundaywould you like to come?" if she says yes, then simply go and buy the tickets, and you have a date my friend.. see?
but if you want to be the perennial nice guy who never gets the girl , continue the way you are now. Otherwise put yourself out there, what have you got to lose. A rejection which will at least free your thoughts to move elsewhere or more than likely she will accept.
Man up dude, and go for it.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (29 April 2008):
In my opinion, you appear to me as if you two are meant to be together. Even her mother's said, what are you waiting for?
She was probably hoping you were going to make a move on her that evening.
If deep down inside you really want this girl, then you are going to have to swallow that fear, take a nice deep breath and ask her out, before someone beats you to it. You get in touch with her and do it.
The longer you leave it the harder it going to be.
This is what's written in my profile, please act on it;
"Follow your heart's desire, and if you want something bad enough ~ chances are you'll have it, if you don’t get it, it could be because you didn’t try hard enough".
Good luck.
BigSis
xXx
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