A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend just found out I was using her for sex when we were dating. Actually, We never had sex, but we were moving in that direction and I was pushing her. She was attracted to me because I helped her with her problems, and when she wanted to start dating I only saw the sex side of it (this was my first relationship). I wasn't intentionally using her, but when we started dating I lost track of her and focussed on what she could give me (mainly, sexual pleasure). I'm not trying to justify what I did, only provide a background. When she broke up with me, I thought it was because she had realized I was using her. Oddly, we've been friends since then. A year and a half later (last week), she said she'd like to try again, this time without moving so quickly. I explained to her in an email (a mistake, I know) that I only felt like a friend to her and that as a boyfriend I had used her. Apparently she hadn't known this (which explains why she was still my friend) and since won't talk to me. After I let her calm down (hopefully) and think it through (since it's only been a few days) what should I do? I'd like to still be her friend, but would it be better for her if I left her life for good?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks. that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Yay for the internet!
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 It's quite mature on your part to realize that what you did was probably not what was best for her.
I also think that you should at this stage leave her alone...there really is no point in trying to be friends. You might be able to do it, but she will have hopes for more. And since you know there won't be more, don't give her that hope. Even if you tell her that you only want to be friends she will assume, ever so slightly, that there still could be a chance.
You've done well so far to admit to what your motivation was so keep on that track and don't cause her more emotional pain. Let her get over it and meet someone else who will want to be her boyfriend.
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